Something To Believe In
by BesserwisserForHire
Summary: Will be revised when I have the time. Until then, this story is too god damn old and you should not expect much. If anything.
1. Prologue

So, my first fic on this site, whatsoever. The grammar and english may not be the top ten, but I've tried my best. This is just the prologue, more chapters are following. I'm thankful for reviews and all that. :)

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Prologue**

**x**

The snow was falling from the sky like it was the most natural thing in the world. And I guess it kinda' is, actually. You know, during christmas and all. Well, okay, christmas is yet twentyfour days away, but that's not keeping the snow from falling, now, is it? But I don't mind. It's so peaceful just sitting at the top of my balcony, wrapped up in a dotted blanket, a cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The snow was looking like soft pearls melting in your hands.

Below my feet, or should I say my balcony, the cars were driving, filling the air with the sound of wheels touching asfalt and the smell of gas reaching for the stars. It's a dark night, off course, and you can hardly see the stars above your head. If it wasn't for the streetlights, you wouldn't be able to see your own hand. But yet I can see people walk around on the streets below, shopping christmasgifts, buying a cup of coffee or heading home from work. Heck, some may even be heading _for_ work! I couldn't say I envied them, but atleast they had somewhere to go. Somewhere to be.

And here I am, freezing my butt off in the cold night while trying to ignore the thoughts having the party of the year in my head. I tried to stop listening to them months ago. Trying not to answer the silly questions about what could have and what might not have been if I just had some balls. Maybe I could wish for some for christmas?

Okay, for christmas I want;

**1. Balls of steel.**

**2. A vacation from my brain.**

**3. Or maybe a new brain?**

**4. The love of my life.**

That shouldn't be so hard, eh? It's not that I'm asking for much. Just some klichés and maybe even happiness, you know? Doesn't all people deserve to be happy? At least for just one day, this sacred time of year. Or mabe _I _don't deserve to be happy? Maybe I don't deserve to eat, to sleep an entire night without waking up sweating and screaming. Maybe I don't deserve to feel at all. Oh, stop that, Rei! You're being redicolouse. You deserve just as much as anyone else, to say the least.

I've been there for my friends, I've been there for my family, I've been there for anyone who has _ever_ needed me. I've been studying, working, volunteering, donating small amounts of my salary to people from WWF and stuff like that. I have, through my twentyfive years on earth, been a good boy and a good citizen.

So why don't I deserve to be loved?

Maybe I'm just loving the wrong person.

As I take a new sip from ny now cold coffee, I can hear the distant ringing of a telephone. It's clear and cheerful tone is echoing through my apartment, bouncing around the walls like a ball. I let it ring, though. I always do.

Then silence meets me, but soon it's interrupted by my answeringmachine.

_''Hi, you've called Yong's apartment! I'm not in at the moment, but if you have something on your mind you'd like to tell me, leave a message after the beep.''_

Wich was followed by a loud **beep**, and then met by more silence. Since the door to my balcony was open, I could barely make out the sound of breaths on the other line. I've been getting lots of those lately, someone calling in the middle of the night just breathing. I've never bothered to care much, not about anything. A quick look into my messy kitchen could be enough proof of that. Dirty dishes lying all over the place, empty boxes from fast-food restaurants and the choking smell of old milk. There's even a sticky spot on the floor I don't bother getting rid of, even though I've lost a good pair of socks because of it's existense.

But then something really unexpected happens. Somehow, the person on the other line decides to _say something_.

''_Uh, hi Rei.''_

Wait, how did they get my number? And how do they know my name?

At first I don't recognise the voice, but it must be someone who knows me... Wait, everybody knows me. I'm Rei Kon, known blader worldwide, for crying out loud! Wait, that came out wrong...

_''I was just wondering... Well, **we** were just wondering, if you don't have anything planned for Christmas, maybe you'd like to come visit us? You know? Catch up old times. It's been a while.''_

From somewhere deep inside the depts of my mind, I recognized the voice. Not enough to tell who it was, but just barely to keep myself from getting frightened. Who was that?

_''If you do, call this number and we'll talk.''_

Then, there was a long silence. A long, long silence wich almost made me scared that they'd hung up. But then...

_''We miss you. Bye!''_

Left was only me and my small apartment, a cup of cold coffe with just a hint of sugar in it, and a cigarette long burned out. It took me minutes, maybe eternitys, to pick upp the phone and call back.

''Hey, it's Rei...''


	2. Chapter 1

So, I'm not entirely sure that there's snow in Korea, but I think it is. I mean, I _hope_ it is. I don't know anybody from Korea, and the internet don't have much to offer. But I guessed that since the winters are very cold and all that, and the summers rainy are very rainy, there might be a slight chance. If not, my sincerest apologies.

As always; I'm thankful for reviews and appreciate people spending their time reading this. :)

Again, my apologies for misspelling, grammar-faults etc. I try my best.

Oh, and off course; **Disclaimer; I DO NOT OWN BEYBLADE. Duuuh.**

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**Something To Believe In**

**One**

**x**

Man, I couldn't believe it. I was actually standing at an airport. The roaring sounds of airplanes heading towards the sky like they were Superman, the chatting of different languages filling the air, footsteps echoing throughout the corridors and snoaring, sneezing, coughing, crying, cheering and swearing all melting together in one hectic mass. I'm nervous, next to sick, and my food is threatening to crawl up my throat any minute now. That could explain why I'm not setting my foot any further from where I am at the moment, a couple of metres away from _the mens room_.

I'm tapping my foot against the cold, dirty floor several times in an attempt to calm my nerves, but it isn't working at all. Why am I so nervous? That's easy;

I haven't seen the guys in what.. six years? Maybe less, maybe more. I don't know, I don't really count the days anymore. I haven't been in an airport since I arrived in Seoul, to start a new life. It wasn't so hard to learn the basics in the language, dialect or culture, because I'm a pretty fast learner. (No, bragging!) I've been studying most of my time, helped out at martial arts training sessions, worked at some restaurants and I even tried to start my own once. But after a while, I quit trying. The loneliness became more relevant, and although I wanted it this way, I often can't help to think; _What if?_ What if I had remained in the Village? Hanging around with Lee and Mariah, training kids in BeyBlade, maybe? Or maybe I could have gone to Tokyo with Tyson and Kenny, taking each day as it comes. But that's not really _me_, is it? No, I must plan things by every step, so I don't trip and fall.

I hate falling. And yet, that is what I've been doing all this time, though trying not to.

No, I moved to Seoul to get away from the attention, the fans, the world. And it really worked! Not a soul knows me by name, actually.

But once I ran into a woman, a blind but very wise one. She told me that she could feel that my spirit was troubled, and that I was running. Somehow I decided to continue talking to her, and she ended up trying to see my future in some cards. Haneul Yong is what she called me, and I've stuck to that name ever since.

The only friends I've got here is actually the old neighbour, Mrs Shin, and her cat Jung. She's also got a daughter, for what I've heard, but I quit on love long ago. Well, not entirely. It's just hard for me to give my attention to others when I've given my heart to someone else. Even if this person has no clue about it.

I'd been waiting for over half an hour, when suddenly the clock turned to a quarter past eight and the plane to New York arrived.

I really had no clue why we were celebrating christmas at Max's place, since we often hang around at Tyson's. Not that I mind of course, America is an exciting part of the world. It's colours and streetlights, people and shops and parks and music, culture, history. For being such an arrogant country and disliked by many people, I couldn't help but find it fascinating. Off course, Japan wasn't _that_ bad, but it gets so boring. I've traveled a lot in my days, but Japan is one country that hardly surprises me anymore.

Well aboard on the plane, I allowed myself to relax. It was no use to get scared of flying at the moment, so I just put my headphones on and stared out the window. As soon as the businessman next to me fell asleep with a light snoring sound, my eyelids started to feel heavy as well.

**X**

_''Excuse me, miss, I seem to have lost my luggage?''_

I actually felt sorry for the man who'd been sitting next to me during the flight, whom now was occupied by trying to tell the receptionist about his lost luggage. He was clearly from Korea, his english too bad for him to even bother with it and by that throwing all chances to a giving conversation with the receptionist out the window.

I on the other hand, had my bags and started dragging them towards the exit. I wasn't sure of where the former BladeBreakers were supposed to meet me, and even if I was, I doubt I would be able to find it in the next five minutes. I mean, the place was _huge_! You could probably fit my whole village in just the part of it that I was in. There were people everywhere, staircases in every damn corner, elevators, speakers, signs, the whole damn package! It wasn't the first time I was there in my whole life, but the first time in a damn good time. I was almot confused to tears when I finally spotted the most beautiful thing in the whole world at that moment;  
**The exit sign.**

The reason I was here was simple; Chief managed to get a hold of my phonenumber (that kid really is smart), and they had called me to ask me to come over for christmas since we haven't seen each other in such a long time. It only took me a short glance on my apartment to make up my mind; ''_Yes, Tyson, I really want to visit you this year''_.

The thing was; we were supposed to be at Max's place. He was the one to invite us, and heck, I didn't have a problem with it. As long as I met someone. Someone to talk to, not just pleasant small talk between me and Mrs Shin or Jung, (yes, I talk to a cat. So what? I'm _l-o-n-e-l-y_.) I just wanted to feel... well, not loved, but like _someone_ actually wanted _me_ around.

God, I sound pathetic. But I guess I am, in some ways. The cigarette now between my fingers as I take a long drag should be some kind of proof of that.

I mean, I am the last person you would consider a smoker. Me, Rei-Kon-Health-Is-The-Most-Important-Thing-In-The-World-Next-To-Breathing. I guess I'm kind of a training-addict, eating healthy and all that stuff. So why would I even bother destroying my body with what is litteraly, cancer on a stick?  
I really don't know.

Yeah, I know that is a bullshit answer, but I really don't know. I really don't care either, everything was so messed up I just wanted the nicotine and then I'd be fine. For a while, at least.

Come on man, I haven't met the team in years! I didn't know what to expect. If we'd been to celebrate the holiday in Tokyo, at least I would be able to find my way around. America was like a mystery to me. To let me out on my own was basically an attempt to murder. I would probably get lost and then god-knows-what.

_''Reimond Fu Kon! What the **hell** do you think you're doing?!_''

Well, if I'd be able to survive Hillary that is.

I saw her brown hair flying out of it's knot as she furiously walked over to me, her eyes burning with an anger I had a hard time imagining even Kai could master, her small hands in tight fists. People around stared at her as she started yelling at me, the sun playing across her face. She wore make-up, I noticed. Not much, just a little mascara and a little lipgloss, a natural blush from the cold weather dancing over her cheeks. She was slightly taller than before, but still shorter than me. Her hair in the same brown colour as last time I saw her and she was neatly dressed in a pink office-skirt, a white satine shirt and a olivegreen jacket to keep her from the cold. Her pumps made her an inch taller than natural, and she held a small handbag in a pose frightening me with the possibility of her smacking it across my face.

Suddenly the assaults and yelling stopped for her to catch some breath, wich I saw as an opportunity to save my ass.

''Hi, Hil''

''Don't you ''_Hi, Hil''_ me, young mister! What the hell are you thinking?!''

''Uhm... Trying to figure out an escape-plan?''

I cracked her an amused and slightly innocent grin, but she just kept glaring at me. She was still the same caring woman as she was years ago, and still as scary. But she finally sighed and threw her slim arms around me, surprising me with a hug. That was when I felt something sting inside of me.

''You look good, Hil''

And then I realized, I'd missed her.

''Thanks, Rei. I've been busy and a woman's gotta look good, _you know_?''

I laughed at her, not sure if I could trust her mood.

''Where's the others?'' I said, looking around a bit anxious, lightning a new cigarette.

Hillary had been working for **ELLE** magazine for years, stationed in New York. Her name was known by many people, and her salary wasn't one you'd say no to. All in all, she was doing good and had been seen dating some guy on and off the last year. But she managed to take care of herself, wich didn't surprise me at all.

She made a face when I took a new, long drag on the cigarette, wrinkled her nose in disgust but decided to say nothing. Wich really surprised me.

''The others are running a bit late, you know. Max is hanging out with his kid. Tyson, Daichi and Kenny are taking a later flight and Kai... well, he said he would call when he was on his way.''

I nodded slightly, making my amber-eyes sweep over my surroundings. The busy people, the impatient car-drivers, the thin layer of snow wich was gray of dust and filth, the high skyscrapings barely touching the big, blue sky.

I felt her arm drapped around mine, and gave her a surprised look.

''I was thinking we could wait for them in a café?''

**X**

We had sat down by a small Starbucks not far from the airport, with a good view at it from the table we sat by too. The atmosphere was filled with light chatter, the scent of fresh coffee and the temperature more than healthy. I was sweating like mad, and that was _without_ my wine-red sweater on. Hillary on the other hand, didn't seem to mind.

She had ordered a caffe latte, whiping the coffe off her nose as she watched me with her kind eyes. It was kind of looking at a deer, but instead of big, wet Bambi-eyes it was like the mother deer instead. Watching, wondering, but still making you feel at home. She wasn't the kind of girl who was easy to hang around with, but I guess now as a young woman, she got her bossy attitude out on her employees instead of her friends. Still, she shot me glares from time to time when I did something that dispelased her, like ordering an espresso, (_''Black coffee isn't good for your belly, Rei!''_), or taking a cigarette, (_''I never expected you to be so stupid, Kon''_) or when I just shrugged when she talked to me about something. (_''Hey, did I miss something of importance, or have you turned into a wall, lately? If so, may I drape you?''_) But still, I didn't complain. It was nice to have someone to talk to. Someone who didn't answer you with a wondering _''Meow?''_.

''So, who's this Jeff guy, anyway?'' I asked, taking a sip of my coffee.

''Well'' Hillary looked thougtful for a second, like she hadn't given the subject much interest in her life. ''We met at a fashion convent in the D.C seven months ago. And you know how it is, bored, lonely girl meets rich, handsome man. I mean, you date, he buys you expensive chocolates and Opera-tickets.. you fuck''

I almost choked on my coffee when she said that, and after coughing violently I looked at her with more than just mild surprise.

''Ex-Excuse m-me?''

A smirk, that was all. Then she gladly continued like what she said was the most ordinary thing to slip out of her mouth in the whole world.

''Then we split up, he wanted to think about his sexuality...''

''His _sexuality?_''  
I raised my brows at her and she nodded.

''Ohyes! First of all I was all like, totally; 'God, am I so bad in bed he's considering going gay?!' But then I calmed down when he came back to me.''

''And... that was it?''

''Naah, not really'' She licked her lips, her gaze somewhere else, lost in the memory. ''I broke up with him a month ago, wanting to have some time for myself.''

Then she said nothing more. Her interest completely on her coffee.

I chuckled a bit as I thought everything over. Hillary and some rich guy, really an interesting image. She was off course Hil, she could get flattered by men as easily as I could stand on my hands, but imagining her with a stiff dude from Washington didn't seem logic at all. But then, he _did_ buy her expensive chocolate. I mean, who wouldn't fall for that?

''And then what?'' I said, as always a bit too curious for my own good.

But she just shrugged and smiled. ''That was that. We've barely talked and I've even started going to clubs again. I mean, Jeff was okay, but I'm bored. I want a new guy, and fast! I don't care how long it lasts.''

I nodded slightly, staring down my empty cup. I wish I had someone like Jeff too. Well, maybe not _Jeff_, I mean, since my mind was set on someone different, but at least _someone_. Maybe I should go with Hillary to the clubs? I mean, I haven't been out for a while and why not take the opportunity now when I have someone to go with? I was staying for a couple of days, at least I could have a little fun.

It looked like she was going to say something, when a sharp tune cut through my ears. Seriously, I almost fell off the chair, that hideous of a sound was it! And it seemed like it was coming from her jacket. Soon, I realized it was her cellphone as she dug it out of a pocket and answered it while ignoring the bothered glares from the other café guests.

''What was that, Max? Huh? Yeah, we're at Starbucks... No, _Star-bucks. _With a **'b'**. Max? Hello? Hell.. Hello? Stupid cellphone!''

I watched her swearing and yelling at the small piece of technology while she was slamming it against the table. I was chocked it survived the abuse with only one hardly visible scratch. Hillary sighed and put it back in the pocket again. When the other customers death-glares finally ceased, she looked at me with a smile as big as Russia.

''Max is coming in a couple of minutes!''

''Really? Where is he?''

I thought it was kinda' strange that the one person we were living with during the holiday wasn't even around. But it's hard having a busy schedule, I guess. Hillary had told me that Max had been engaged once, but it didn't work out and now he had their son over twice a month. The mother was some singer from Texas who at the moment, was down in Alabama for a small consert at some club I've never heard of. Max himself worked in a shop much like his father, selling Bey-pieces and what else. He had taken over his fathers company and was now sharing it with Tyson and Kenny, who worked by the stores in Japan. Sometimes Tyson even held some classes in how to become a great Blader. Off course this was only something he did to feed his big ego.

Daichi on the other hand, worked as a bartender, dating different girls every week. He was living somewhere in Japan, though I didn't listen when Hillary told me where, and Kai... well, Kai's rich so he doesn't have to work.

Seems like we all had put BeyBlading on the shelf during the years, although I think I've seen Tyson and Kenny on TV sometimes, doing... Well, I don't know since I never pay much attention to anything anymore, but it had something to do with BeyBlade.

''At the subway''

I slightly nodded, feeling sorry for my old friend who had to drag himself along those dreaded subway trains. That was one thing I was glad I'd left behind; subways and other crowded areas. Really, I hated when people were everywhere. It made me feel like a squirrel in a way too small of a box. I could get so uncomfortable in crowded places nowadays that I couldn't even stand up. Therefore I often just left my apartment in Korea to go to the groceries store or the park.

''Hillary?''

She looked up at me from her recent inspection of her perfect nails.

''Hm?''

''I... uh...'' I shifted a little in my seat, hoping Hillary wouldn't notice. ''Does Kai have...'' Man, what was I tinking? I couldn't just ask that!

''Does Kai have what?'' She raised her brows at me, clearly noticing my nervouseness. There was no backing out now. If you start something with Hil, you end it with Hil.

''Well.. a gi... Is he seeing someone?''

I thought I just saw her grin, but it could just be me being paranoid. I mean, it wasn't that obvious why I was wondering, now was it? I mean, I've had feelings for Kai for almost eight years, if someone had noticed someone would have said something sooner. Right?

''Not that I know of. Why?''

Ohgod, she _was_ smirking at me!

''Uh... no reason.''

First I was sure she was going to say something I wouldn't like to hear, but I didn't have much time to dread it until something blonde came skipping towards us. It was unmistakable the one and only Max Tate, a big smile as always playing on his lips and that sparkling in his eyes that I've never seen in anyone else. His hair was as always, blond and living it's own life. He was looking more adult now, though. As he stood in front of us, panting from the skipping and the jumping, I could tell he had been working out. He was also taller than I remember, almost catching up with me, with broader shoulders but still that boyish look I've always admired about him.

His taste for fashion seemed to clearly have improved over the years, since he was wearing a simple, white t-shirt, a subtle brown cardigan and a pair of simple, light blue jeans. His face was slightly sunburned and painted with freckles, his eyelashes long and his voice cheerful, if yet a bit deeper. He swung his red jacket over his shoulder and greated me with a friendly, but literally breathtaking, pat in the back.

''Heya, Rei!''

I tried to be discrete about my coughing, not in the mood to look like I've been taken aback by the greeting. I mean, I've always been the one in best shape. Both with the White Tigers and the BladeBreakers. And if Max was starting to catch up on me, well, that was nothing I was looking forward to.

''Uh... hi'' Cough, cough. ''Max''

Max giggled. Yeah, _giggled_.

''Whats the matter? Coughing up a hairball?''

I could even hear Hillary chuckle, wich made me even more irritated with the whole thing. My hole life people has been referring to me as a cat, feline or sometimes even a **neko-jin**. I mean, what the hell is that supposed to mean?! Okay, so I have fangs, but wouldn't that make me more of a vampire-wannabe? And yes, my eyes are strangely cat-like, but isn't it more strange how Tyson can eat and eat and _never_ ever get fat? And my graciousness and good athletic skills, you know where they come from? Surprise, surprise, people! Through hard work. Yeah, believe it or not.

So why can't people stop living in their stupid dream-worlds and realize the obvious? _I'm not a cat!_

Max must have noticed my inner battle, since he backed towards Hillary instead.

''So, Hil, any news from the others?''

Hillary smiled and opened her mouth to speak, but yet again she got interrupted by the horrid sound of her cellphone. By the look on Max's face I could tell he didn't like it either.

''Hm? Oh, yeah! Mhmm.. Mm. Starbucks. Yeah, very funny, Tyson! _Not._'' She sighed, inspected her nails once again, nodded a couple of times, and then hung up with a; ''Bye!''.

We both shot her strange looks, wich only made her smile.

''We're meeting the boys at the airport! They arrived earlier than they thought, something about a hole in the schedule...''

We barely had time to nod until she grabbed us by the arms and started pulling us out of there, trying to keep her hapiness under control.

I shot the modern place a last inspecting look, until we were outside. The sky was as bright as before, the air a bit colder and the people just as hectic. It almost made me stress out again, since they were basicly everywhere, nearly choking me. But I got snapped out of it by Max;

''Rei, _buddy_! When did you cut your hair?''


	3. Chapter 2

I guess I don't need a disclaimer to make you understand that this is not mine. If it were, I would be on TV.

I really, really, _really_ hope that there will be no OOCiness, because I _hate_ OOCiness! If you find any, I allow you to hit me.

And I'm sorry for the wait. Guess I got a little cought up in reading comics..

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Two**

**x**

''Man, how could you do something like that?!''

''Easy; I took a scissor and...''

''No, _don't_! Don't even say it, I don't wanna hear it!''

A sigh slipped through my lips. Tyson, Max and Hillary had been bugging me for the last twenty minutes, and I was really starting to get tired of it.  
We had went to the airport, Hillary and Max nagging me about my hair, Tyson and Kenny arrived and then they _helped _nagging me. Tyson was so utterly shocked when Max told him, (yeah, it took him a while to notice), that he forgot the chocolate-bar he was trying to snatch from Kenny. Kenny dropped his glasses in mild surprise, but then just shrugged and said that ''_whatever pleased'' _me.

So now, I just ignored them and started inspecting them instead.

Tyson's hair was now reaching his hips, furry and as healthy as ever. Although he looked a bit chubbier, not remarkably chubbier, just that 'there was more to love'. He had his old cap, now worn out like nothing I had ever seen, but still sitting on his head like it was the most natural thing in the world. His face was invaded by that big grin, and he had also grown a lot since last time. Now he reached up to my nose instead of my shoulders! To top it all off, he was wearing a brown, mocca jacket with wool lining and baggy, dirty, stained jeans. From the looks of it, I think I saw a ring in his ear too.

Chief, was just as short as ever, wearing a shirt and tuxedo-pants. Big glasses at the tip of his nose, pail skin and small arms gossiping about how he never left his computer. The only difference was that he had cut his hair, and man, he looked good! He had a clean, pretty face, round and neat features and the most darling eyes one could imagine! His voice was as squeaky as ever.

But, yes, the horrid truth was; I had cut my hair. Not everything! Just that damn ponytail of mine. I tried to keep it out a couple of times, but it got dirty and stuck _everywhere_. Sometimes I even tripped over it, wich was very annoying. So I tried to keep it as a 'rat-tail', but it just whipped me in the face, to say the least.  
So when I got tired of being abused by my own hair, I simply picked a scissor from my kitchen, (yes, I sadly had to dive into that mess), and cut the damn ponytail off. Leaving the rest of my hair in a black, fussy but charmy mess. I didn't even bother to wear a bandana anymore.

''But come on, it suits him!''

I got snapped out of my dreamworld by the voice of Kenny. Everyone turned to stare at him and he blushed and backed away to stand behind me.

Really brave, pal, thanks a bunch.

Tyson seemed to think about what the small one had just said, and finally he smiled. And when he smiled, the others gave in too. Tyson patted my back and then squeezed me into a hug. I swear, I almost left ground for a while...

''You've got an ear-ring.''

Wow, nice statement Rei! Go for it!

But Tyson just smiled.

I answered the gesture, and then he jumped to hug Max and even Hillary. This last action, chocked both me and Kenny.

We stood there talking for a while, pointless smalltalk and updates on why Tyson and Kenny got here so early. Apparently they could hire a stand-in faster than expected, so they jumped the next plane to New York and here they were. They were tired of the long flight, off course, but glad to be with us and all that.

But soon the conversation stopped at the growling of Tysons stomache.

''Man... I'm hungry.''

''Well'' said Hillary and licked her lips while thinking. ''We could eat, assuming Kai is arriving late.''

Tyson chuckled. ''Kai is _always_ late. He just wants to make a good entrance.''

And with that, we left for some nice Italian restaurant Hillary recommended. And I can't deny that after all these years trying to cut off any bands with anybody, I strangely felt like home.

**X**

Kai didn't bother to call us yet, so we decided to head to Max's apartment. And man, what a place! The livingroom was as big as my whole apartment, if not bigger, and full of expensive looking furniture. Really, a big white leather couch with small red pillows and blankets, matching armchairs, a big Persian rug, framed posters and a DVD with surround-system. The last one was being the next most breathtaking thing in the whole room. The most breathtaking thing was the ridicoulousy big plasma TV. I mean, come on! Since when did he afford all this? Okay if it were Tyson, but _man!_

I mean, I knew Max made a lot of commersials and stuff and that business was good in general but... shit!

And like that didn't sweep me off my feet; the bedroom was like fit for a king. A big, comfy kingsized bed, big fancy curtains, a mahogany-bookshelf filled with books and magazines, and a bigass balcony outside. I almost thought I would sink through the floor as I sat down on the bed.

Man, was I jealous. Not that I'd ever manage to have a place like this...

But anyway, the night was young and Max was cooking dinner. Tyson eagerly tried to help, but all he really did was ''_testing if it needed more salt''_ or, _''I was afraid it might have been burned''_, and he even tried with; _''I just wanted to make sure you guys wouldn't get poisoned!_''. Max smacked him in the head for that last one.

Chief was sitting in the livingroom, working like crazy on his computer, ignoring Dizzi's complaining. His eyes were all bloodshot and I'm amazed by all the sugar he's been pouring down his throat by drinking all that hot cocoa, but still he won't move from that little piece of technology.

And Hillary needed to run to her office for some strange last-minute crisis-meating. She claimed she had taken the time off for the holidays, but you just never know with **ELLE**-people.

After all these years, I guess they really haven't changed.

And me? Well, Maxie said that he needed to clear the balcony from a few things before he would allow anyone to go out there. But since my cravings for a cigarette were dancing on my last nerves, I took my jacket and went outside.

So there I stood, shivering in the light breeze and the only source of heat was the long cancer-stick between my lips. Although the white blanket of snow wasn't thick, I still had to put on two pairs of socks, tights, shirts and sweaters. Yet, that didn't help.

But the sky was dark blue, the sounds of honking cars and shuddering people walking by me on the street and the lights of the city was just overwhelming. Even if I've lived in Korea for years, the city at night never failed to amaze me.

''Never thought I'd get to see _you_ smoke.''

Even though I recognized the voice, it startled me. I swung around as fast as I could, dropping the cigarette when I met the dark eyes of my former team-leader.

''Kai!''

He was wearing a long coat, thicker than needed. I assumed he came straight from Russia, since he was dressed in way too much clothing for New York. A thick, grey scarf covering his thin, delicious lips, a big fur hat hiding much of his wild hair, the black coat, big hiking boots and thick red gloves. I also assumed he was wearing layers of sweaters underneath, because he looked very much like a big marshmallow. A flaming, sexy _hot_ marshmallow.

I must have been wearing a very stupid grin, seeing he raised a brow at me. Although you could barely tell because of the big fur hat.

So I snapped out of it.

''Where did you come from?''

''The airport.''

Nice move, Rei. Really. Ten out of ten for style!

''I see. Did you run into Hillary?''

''No.''

Oh, I really miss our conversations. Since they're so _giving_.

We stood there staring for a good while, Kai with a blank face but a hard look in his eyes, me grinning like an idiot. Totally lost in the moment, I didn't even realize he was heading for the door, until;

''What's the code?''

''Hunh?''

''The code. The door. Max's appartment.''

I gave him a dumb stare, and he let a sigh slip out. It looked like he was going to speak again, and I was thorn between the decision to hear his sexy voice again and look like an idiot, or give him the code and save my face.

''_Rei_.''

I jumped at the sudden mentioning of my name.

''Right! Right! The code. Uh, 3476.''

He didn't answer me, not even with a nod. He just unlocked the door and stepped inside, the warmth from the building reaching me, teasing me.  
But then, he stopped. And so did my heartbeat when he looked at me with a somewhat suspicious glare.

''Are your feet stuck to the pavement?''

I just blinked at him. ''Huh?''

Once again he sighed, looking more exhausted and irritated than before.

''You're really talkative today, Rei. Cat got your tounge?''

And before I even had time to react, his shadow was dissapearing up the stairs.

**X**

So as you've guessed, I spent my days watching Kai's every move. And what a fun thing to do! I mean, he was in the best shape ever, his hair a bit longer but still as badboy-sexy as I remembered. His eyes, oh, man his eyes! Everytime he noticed me looking at him, they pierced me like a knife through a balloon. And strange enough, they made me feel alive. They made me breathe, they made me react, they made me feel. They made me... well, _me_. Everytime I looked into those depts of fire, a part of me just wanted to fall into him and drown, and another part of me just wanted to run around like crazy and scream. Yeah, I wanted to scream and scream until I ran out of breath, until my eardrums imploded and my soul exploded. I wanted to scream so loud that the mountains fell to pieces! That's how alive I felt.

And yet, he made me feel like a washed up rockstar on cocaine, my soul long gone, my heart sold to the devil for more drugs. And maybe part of it was true; I had sold myself for the only drug I've ever longed for (well, next to nicotine); _Kai Hiwatari._ Yes, I know how cliché all of this sounds. Boy meets boy, falls in love and can never be happy without the other one within arms reach.

I guess I'm just one big wandering mass of clichés. But who wouldn't be? I mean, look at that ass!

And the 8th December, this very cliché-boy sat on the balcony, (which Max finally cleaned up) smoking a cigarette to calm myself from my recent Kai-shock and drinking hot cocoa since I had got tired of coffee. Now, this very Kai-shock wich was standing on replay over and over again in my head, had taken place just an hour earlier.

I had taken the liberty to inspect Max's massive bathroom one more time, since I couldn't believe the size of it the first gazillion times I'd been there these last couple of days. Big pink clinkers wich is reminding me very much of Mariah, a fancy sink and bathtub with lionfeet in some shiny metal, a showerhead, a _painted_ toilet with all kinds of crazy decorations and yes; a big comfortable rug. But the problem this special day was; that the shower was occupied.

And guess by who?  
Yes.

And did I scream?

Yes.

Did he notice?  
Yes.

Did I stare for like, an eternity until I could pull myself together and run out of there giggling like a five-year-old?

_Yes_.

So that could pretty much explain my occupation of one of the sunchairs on Max's balcony. The temperature was so low it was scary, and my knees shook like the belly of an obese belly dancer. It was snow everywhere, and although I was wearing the thickest blanket in the apartment, a silly looking christmas sweater with stupid raindeers all over it, I felt like a popsticle. I almost missed Chinas warm weathers. _Almost_. There was one thing I was particularly glad I was let away from though; _Mariah_.

That overgrown three-year-old crazy woman who would just never get off my friggin' back! It was like she had thought from the first time we met each other that I was going to marry her. Like, no way! I mean, it's not like that I don't like girls. I mean; I do. There was one period in my life when I was attracted to that redhead Salima. I even wrote a little poem about her. (If you tell anyone about this I _am going to kill you_...) And that girl from Saint Shields, Mariam was it? Well, she was damn fine! Big, green eyes and nice legs. Pretty face, too, and not too bad a blader. But there's just something with Kai that no other girl, or boy for that matter, has; Kai-ishness. You know? The way he looks at you, the way he 'talks' to you, the way he walks, the way he moves, the way he breathes, the way he eats. He always seems to get under your skin when you thought you had closed every damn door leading to your heart. I mean, he swept me off my feet, he stole a part of me I never attended to give to anyone. He just marched into my life and had med at _'Hn'_.

And yet, since he got here four days ago, we haven't really spoken so much to each other. A few '_good morning_'s and stuff like that. But just as much as I am displeased about this, I know I'm going to get the balls and tell him _the full story_ before I leave. Yes, the whole 'Rei-loves-Kai-so-much-he-moved-to-Korea-to-get-away-from-every-living-soul-he-has-ever-met-because-they-reminded-Rei-too-much-about-his-Russian-love'-thingy.

As soon as I get the balls, off course. Maybe I should write my christmas-wish-list down and hand out to everyone?

Speaking of which; Hillary is taking us all out shopping tomorrow. I am already dreading it. I don't know what I'm getting the guys for christmas. It was so long ago since I knew them, and they've really changed! Okay, not that much, but enough to make me unsure of what to buy for them. I don't want to stand there like an ass, getting insencere _'thank you, how lovely, I am really going to use this'_ from everyone! But on the other hand, they don't know me that well now so I guess they're having just as big a problem with this whole thing as I am.

Right?

**X**

Wrong.

Hillary ran off in a instant, like Roadrunner on amphetamine. She had her to-buy-list ready, and was even working on it as she ran around. It must've been almost as long as my arm, and full of doodles. Closely after her came Tyson since he'd spotted the candystore, and Max just followed him to make sure that no one got hurt. Kenny took off after a few '_but'_s and _'if_'s. Which left me alone with... Oh, no.

I immediately froze when I realized; I was _alone with Kai_.

Ohgod. Ohgod. Ohgod. Ohgogohgodohgod.

''Are you just gonna stand there all day?''

Snap out of it, Rei, snap out of it!

''Why? Afraid someone will buy the last one of the gifts you were planning to by for me?''

Why, _why_ that stupid comment?! I'm sure he's just as mad at me for walking in on him, _staring_ at him in the shower yesterday. Why do I have to go and act all tough and sarcastic? **Why?!**

But he just grins at me.

''Why would I buy you anything?''


	4. Chapter 3

Yes, I'm sorry for the time it takes for me to write and post these things, but I'm just too busy. And maybe a bit lazy too. But I've been spending a lot of time at friend's places and all that.

Anyway, I was about to give you an extra long part as a Christmas-gift, but yet again, I'm too lazy. Happy holidays people!

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Three**

**X**

I was lost, man. Totally lost. I've never been so lost in my entire life. Trying to find anything in that mall so close to Christmas, and then keeping it is impossible! I must have gotten bruises all over my body from all the elbowing and kicking and biting. Yeah, you heard me; _biting_. Are people really that insane? For god's sake, I thought I would get killed for a frying pan! I never could've guessed Christmas shopping was that hard. I didn't find any present at all, not even to myself! But I guess I'll have to be lucky coming out of there alive. Geez Louise.

Kai seemed to find something, anyway. He had been carrying around three bags looking very pleased with himself. Well, you couldn't tell with an untrained eye, but I've been watching Kai for years so I know that small look of satisfaction in his eyes. And that small smirk of his really made my day. I totally forgot my aching feet by the time we arrived on the parking lot where Hillary had told us to meet her after three o' clock. The sun was shining bright, warm rays falling on my skin. The air was fresh and cold and my breath came out as small clouds of steam, which I found really amusing. I didn't even think of how stupid I looked, breathing like an asthmatic and smiling wide at the sight of the steam. I must've really annoyed Kai, because suddenly he spoke;

''Do you know what my favorite word is?''

I stared at him, surprised. His favorite word? Did he even have such things in his life? Well, if he did, it could only be like, Blood, solitude, death, solitude. Or torture! Yeah, torture sounded good.

''Gee, Kai, I didn't know you could speak more than four words a sentence.''

He threw me a small glare before twisting his mouth in a somewhat offended way. Yes, the only way I saw that was because… well, I notice such things.

'Well, I won't now.''

''Aww, come on, don't be like that!'' I said and pouted a bit too much for it to look believable, but still he didn't give in. ''Kaaaaaai. What's your favorite word? Come _on_, I want to know!''

When he still wouldn't answer me, I started pulling his sleeve to get his attention. After doing so for about an eternity, I gave up. That was when he surprised me yet again;

''Freedom.''

Okay, so my blood-solitude-death-and-torture-theory was horribly mistaken.

''Well... that's a nice word. Does it have some deep psychological meaning?''

''Hn.''

I waited for him to say more, but he didn't. So I sighed, put my hands in my pockets and started inspecting my shoes. The silence was pretty uncomfortable, so I just had to do something about it.

''My favorite word is _Eep_!''

He raised a brow at me.

''Oh, you're such a poet.''

''Call me insane but, was that a joke?''

''Probably the last one you'll ever hear if you don't hurry up.''

''Why? 'Fraid of Hill?''

A smile.

''Whatever. Your corpse.''

Then he started walking away, his bags clutched protectively in his gloved hand.

''Kai, wait!''

**X**

Max had come up with the idea that we should all get together and have a party later that day, and Hillary agreed. That didn't leave the three of us much of a choice, we just had to agree (or die a violent death). Strangely, Daichi would be arriving very late. He had some trouble taking a couple of weeks off, he had said on the phone with Hill. It was something about screwing up at work and all that, so we probably wouldn't see him until the end of the week.

But they wanted a party, and what a party it was! Do you know how much Vodka and Rum I can drink before completely losing the last grip of reality I've ever had? Almost none! But I sure would have a headache the following morning. I was laughing uncontrollably at everything and everyone, dancing with the Christmas-tree and wobbling around like I'd just been smooched by Clayface. Yes, I sure made a total ass out of myself. But luckily, Hillary had fallen in a heap of giggles with Max, Tyson had gone to a raid in the kitchen grabbing Kenny by the neck and Kai… well, he looked pretty much asleep in the armchair. So no one would really notice my stupid behavior.

If I hadn't been so busy trying to keep my eyes from, what felt like, falling out of my head, I probably would have drooled all over Max's expensive couch. Kai just sat there, sleeping. So damn hot I thought he would catch fire.  
But the night moved on and so did I, crawling out on the balcony desperately trying to light a cigarette. But my fingers didn't listen to my addiction, and soon both lighter and the pack of cigarettes slid out of my grip and fell over the railing.

''Oh, man, schtupid, shit… shiiiit… Rice-balls!''

I suppose I didn't hear the door open behind me, or I had left it open, because suddenly Kai stood beside me. He looked down at the street below, and soon his eyes fell on my lost belongings which had landed in a bush. It was a very big, thorny, snow-covered bush which I didn't want to dive into. Not for the greatest cigarettes in the world.

''Nice.''

I turned to my right to meet his gaze, amused by the sight of his sloppy expression. I guess he had gotten a bit groggy too. I gave him a halfhearted smile.

''What? The swearin' or the fact that I'm giving awey my most pressschious belongings to wilderness?''

''Do you call that swearing? A kindergarten teacher wouldn't be offended.''

I frowned and remained silent. He didn't speak either, so we just stood there staring at each other for a while, my sight blurring off and on. ''Well?'' I finally said.

''Well what?''

''Aren't you goin' to be a gentleman and help me schave my precious cancher-sticks?''

I admit it was pretty funny watching the look on his face when he saw how deep into the bush I had dropped my stuff. It was even funnier to watch him dive into it! He was making a trail, no, a path… no, better; a big highway after himself as he wrestled the twigs and thorns to get through. Apparently, I started laughing. But my amusement died the instant he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down with him. I probably would have screamed if I wasn't so drunk and happy feeling his warm back against my face as I landed upon him through the fall. Thorns bit my clothes everywhere and dug through my skin. It stung like hell… or probably would have if I, as I said; had been sober. I had almost fallen asleep upon him, nuzzling into the warmth and feint smell of his mild aftershave and gingerbread from the cookies Hillary made (and with '_made_' I mean '_bought_') earlier. But soon I got pushed off and fell flat on my butt on the cold street. My sit-bone ached with fury, which was a sign saying I needed more Vodka.

''Screw the bush, we'll go to the store.''

Kai brushed his jacket off, pulling me up in my wrist yet again and started leading me down the street. As much as I loved the feeling of his hand against my bruised skin, I couldn't keep myself from saying;

''Dude, I caaaan walk!''

This was of course, not true, and the moment after I said so I stumbled over my own feet and I would have hit the payment if it wasn't for the fact that Kai wrapped his arm around my waist just in time. I felt like a dead deer, hanging in his grip like a bit of overcooked pasta.

''I can see that.''

''Oh, schay can't you scheee…'' I ignored him and started singing instead.

''Oh, no...''

I heard him growl and then suddenly I was standing on my feet again, just to find myself lying on a bench the very next second. I stared up at the sky, barely could I see the stars on the blackened veil.

''Stay here'' I heard Kai say; ''I'm going to the store, you wait. Got it?''

''Thesche days, the schtars hang out of reeeeach…''

Then his silhouette left me there, singing high pitch and drunkenly awful to myself and anyone who had luck bad enough to walk by me.

**X**

''Good thing ye' back… my ass is freeeeesching.''

He raised a brow at me, probably thinking I'm a loser. And he should, because _I_ thought so. I even felt like a loser. I mean, it's not the way you pictured yourself alone with the man of the year, eh? Drunken, frozen and singing on a bench in the cold of New York. I was probably drooling, too. Then I suddenly felt a small thump, and when I looked down I saw a pack of smokes on my chest.

''Wha' mark did ye' get?''

''I dunno. I just picked one.''

I eyed the pack suspiciously, but my eyes couldn't tell what the letters on the label said, so I just shrugged and pulled one out. That was when I remembered I didn't have a lighter.

''Hey, Kai, since you're scho hot, can I light muh' sch... schigret on your nosche?''

''What?''

''Schigret. Light. Nosche.''

''I can hardly make out what you're saying, Rei.''

And that was good for me, I guess. Oh, the things my tongue does when I've lost control of myself.

''Come... closer''

Oh, those dreaded words just rolling out of my mouth, with no hope of me stopping them. Man, was I going to hate myself in the morning.

Kai gave me a curious look before leaning closer, his breath tickling my skin.

''Cloooooser.''

Now he was so close I could see myself reflected in his eyes, and I almost drowned in those darken depths of mystery.

And then… I kissed him.

**X**

As I woke up, I immediately wished I hadn't. It felt like my head was eaten up from the inside by vicious termites, and I was afraid I would throw up if I even moved. After the dizziness died a bit, I allowed my eyes to swing open. And then, I wished yet again I hadn't. Because when I saw Kais naked body lying across the big bed, I fell off the madrasse with a terrified ''_Eep!_'' and landed on the floor with a loud thud.  
My head hurt even more, my stomach started having it's own rock-concert in me and every limb that didn't feel like Jell-O before, sure felt like snot when I lied there. I tried to sit up, afraid that I might have woken Kai up. Then I got more afraid of the fact that maybe I'd wake _myself_ up. Because who would like to wake from a dream like that? Kai, in the same bed as me, naked. And the great part; I was naked too.

The idiot who would try to pinch me now would get a chair smacked across the face.

I tried to use my almost catlike athletic-skills to as silently as possible climb up on the bed again, and without being noticed, I crawled myself into the position of me facing Kai. He looked angry even in his sleep, but not as tense as he used to look when he was awake. His breathing was calm and soothing, his hair lying all over both his face and the most of his pillow. I wondered how he managed to have it like that. So long and uncontrollable. I must admit I sometimes miss my own hair, but mostly I'm just glad I got rid of it.

As I stroke a lock behind his ear, as if he had read my mind; Kai spoke;

''You shouldn't have cut it off.''

His eyes were still shut, and his voice was calm although his words were more of a statement than an order. Yet it startled me. I stroke his firm but yet gracious chin with a finger, before cupping his cheek with my hand.

''Why not?''

His hand ran through my hair, and I almost thought my heart would jump out of my throat when he started stroking my neck.

''Because you look like an ass without it.''

''I _feel_ like an ass.''

He grinned slightly.

''Coffee?''

''And aspirin. For god's sake; Don't forget the aspirin!''

He barely nodded before walking out to the kitchen. His footsteps were silent as the others probably still were asleep. I shivered as the tingling feeling in my chest totally whiped out the hangover for a moment, and a small smile started infecting my lips.

And that was when I realized; it wasn't a dream.

''_Oh, shit!_''


	5. Chapter 4

OH MAN! I can't believe how long it was since I updated. Is anyone still waiting? Well a big hug to you then, dude. Cus… Wow. I don't know what came over me. I just read so many fanfics that I felt like I just had to write this. And.. well. Wow. It's been such a long time. I'm so so so sorry! I just have to improve myself on the updating-part, now don't I? It's just.. I've had such a terrible writers block. I can't write anything, it seems. And I had these problems... ah.Well. Here you have it.  
Oh man. Uh. I don't own BeyBlade and I dunno if BeyDish and Defense Ring is correct terms and whatsoever, since it was so long that I actually watched the show. Maybe I should pick up on that again?

Oh. I love Rei. He's so silly.

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**X**

**Four**

''You did _what_?!''

''Oh, what have I done? This… this must be a joke. I must still be drunk! Quick, kill me!''

''Now, calm down, Ty. It's not that bad. It's just a…''

''_It's just a_ _friggin' old Chinese vase from some old dynasty, that's all!''_

Hah, I got you there, didn't I?

Ah, no. That's not how my morning evolved. No one knew about my little fun with the well known Kai Hiwatari. At least not at first.

Kai had left early, though he didn't say where to. He just said that he had something important to do, took his coat and fur hat and left like he hadn't even been there in the first place. This got me very worried at first, but I only had to glance at the t-shirt he accidentally left in such a hurry, to know that it was real. It was so real and so wonderful that I didn't want anything to do with any other reality ever again. So I sat there in the kitchen, wearing his t-shirt that smelled so much like him I had to make coffee to wake myself from my la-la-land.

''_Oh, god_'' I thought to myself as I watched my reflection in the surface of my drink. ''_I'm acting like a damn schoolgirl. Gee, snap out of it! Pull yourself together, Rei! He's just a human being. Kai is no God… well, okay, he is._'' This was followed by a deep and dreaming sigh as I stared blankly at nothing.

This, Hillary saw as a great opportunity to abandon Tyson, Max and the murdered vase in the living room and walk into the kitchen. I don't think she spotted me at first, and if she did I didn't notice. It wasn't until she had waved her hand in front of me for a while that I noticed her.

''Oh, Hill!'' I said with great surprise.

''Mornin' Rei, where were you? Seemed like a happy place!''

I just stared confused at her, but she just giggled. Soon she noticed the coffee, and after pouring some to herself and getting two sandwiches which looked like they were going to explode with salad, she sat down across the table. Now, I was getting goose bumps because she was looking at me, like a prowler looks at its prey. This was starting to scare me, and I desperately glanced around for an escape. It seemed like Hillary was making me feel like this a lot lately. I wish she wasn't so nosy, although she would never admit she was, and just leave me the hell alone! Could she see right through me? Why was she smiling like that?

Oh no.

''I knew it!'' Hillary squeaked like the most cheerful squirrel I had ever seen. ''Oh, Rei, I'm so… so… happy for you!''

When someone like Hillary said something like that of course you'd be scared. So imagine how I felt when she reached over the table and hugged me. Yeah, she _hugged_ me! And not like the usual I-am-the-mother-hen-and-I-am-never-letting-you-go-you-irresponsible-little-chicken-hug, but an Oh-my-god-I-am-so-happy-for-you-that-I-am-speaking-faster-than-a-sugar-high-Cheerleader-hug.  
This was not good.

''Uhm… Hillary?'' I said with an awkward tone.

''Yes, Rei?'' she said with big eyes, still holding me.

''Could you let me go, please? Like, right now before I throw up?''

''Oh, you still have a hang-over?''

She released me, finally, and sat down eating her breakfast like she hadn't just the moment before tried to strangle me with her arms.

''Uh…'' I threw the spinning room a quick glance before looking back at her. ''Yeah, don't you?''

Hillary chewed silently, looking as calm as ever.

''Oh, no, I don't get those! Great, huh? I can't imagine how I would have survived a firm-fest if I did!''

She chuckled slightly, drinking her coffee and glancing at the fridge. I helped her glance, but couldn't find anything worth glancing on. It was an ordinary white fridge, stuffed with photos and magnets. It was almost even spotless. Of course the thought of Hillary wanting something _inside_ the fridge didn't even cross my mind. I was still feeling like a drop of chemical waste and whoever profited from selling Aspiring to people must be loving me. Soon Hillary got to her feet though, and I noticed she was already dressed in a skirt and turtle necked sweater, and when she got back to the table she had brought a pack of orange juice with her.

The following thing I was about to do was probably a mistake, but I wasn't even thinking straight to begin with. (No pun intended. Hee… I'm funny when I've got a hang over. I should get those more often.(

''Hill?''

''Yes, Rei?''

She didn't look up from the magazine now opened up in front of her, but I knew she was listening.

''Why were you... hugging me before?''

The big smile returned to her face and once again; it was creeping me out. I was starting to worry her face would burst.

''Don't try to hide it, Rei, I _know_!''

''What? Know what?''

There were plenty of things for her to know in the world, but it still wasn't any reason scaring me like that!

''Oh, come on, Kon! I can see it in your eyes. That dreamy smile of yours, spacing off into another reality…''

What was she trying to say? I just sat there drinking my coffee! Maybe she was still drunk?

''_And_ you're wearing Kai's sweater.''

Crap.

''No, I'm not.''

She smirked and winked at me at the same time, looking like evil personified. I had never been so scared in my entire life, and I have had a pretty eventful life. Not even Bryans cold, dead, murderous dagger-throwing eyes could scare me as much as a woman who knew stuff she shouldn't know.

''So tell me!'' she leaned over the table, her smirk turning into a grin as big as … ''How big was it?''

Yikes.

''What the…?! Hillary!''

A look of fright and complete panic arose in my face and I was desperately looking for an escape route. Maybe if I was quick enough, I could jump out the window? In my boxers. When it was snowing outside. Several floors above the ground.

''Come on! I want to knoooow!'' A very non-convincing puppy-eyed Hillary stared at me, looking frighteningly close to bursting into tears.

''I will tell you no such thing!''

She sighed in defeat and took a disappointed sip from her juice. Several minutes of silence crawled by and I desperately wished for a shower. Running my fingers through my dirty hair, which was mysteriously enough full of twigs, I cast nervous glances towards the door. I wondered where Kai was. Was he out buying something for me? What did the night together mean anyway? And what cruel higher power decided that I wasn't allowed to remember it and cherish it forever like my own child? I mean… naked Kai! With me, naked Rei, in a bed, together! What kind of torture was that? Oh Gods, why have you abandoned me?! Weren't I good enough?

What did this mean anyway? Did this mean Kai felt for me as I felt for him? Did he love me? Had he loved me for all those years but had been to afraid to tell me? Naah… Kai's not afraid of anything. He's my goddamn hero! He's brave and strong and handsome and cool and smart and wonderful and… What the hell did all of this mean? What was I supposed to think?

I sighed exhausted, feeling like a crazy schoolgirl. Or worse; a fan girl! God forbid. What was I supposed to do?

''You know…'' Hillary said and I raised my eyebrows suspiciously at her. ''Kai went out just like… twenty minutes ago. And I just so happen to know he was heading towards Central Park.''

My eyebrows rose even higher than I ever imagined them capable of. Was she stalking _my _Kai?

''Don't give me that look, Kon! Just put on some pants and go get him Tiger!''

I stared at her for a long, long, long time before finally standing up like the most dramatic person in the whole dramatic world.  
There was no time to lose.

''I love you, Hill!'' I said and ran out of there, barely hearing her snicker.

* * *

The snow crunched underneath my thick boots as I hurried down the endless streets of New York. The city was all so confusing. People were bumping into me all the time, and when I expected an apology they just glared or yelled at me before continuing their half-walking half-running to wherever busy, mean, stressed people went to.

The air was so cold and sharp that it hurt to breathe, my fingers numb in my thick mittens. The awful smell of exhaust fumes and hot dogs, the sound of cars honking viciously at each other, people talking and coughing and dogs barking made my head spin. The quick pace I kept only made matters worse as I hurried onwards, my hangover nagging me like a cloud of death above my head. I had to find Kai, I just had to. Max lived about twenty minutes away from the park, so if I ran maybe I would get there in time to catch a glimpse of him.

So I started running. I ran and I ran and I ran and I just ran like a madman until I could see trees rising towards the sky, their crowns covered in white snow and voices hanging in the air like soft murmurs. It was a wonder I had gotten there in one piece. I was so afraid someone would come up and mug me I ran even faster than mere seconds before.

Finally inside, I exhaled with relief. Mission Finding Hiwatari had only just begun. So, if I was a cold hearted Russian with blue hair in a park, where would I be? Scaring children? Throwing poisoned bread to birds? Chasing old people with a chain saw? Or maybe destroying the snow caves and snow men the kids were building with their families? There was just so much to do I couldn't decide where to look first. While thinking, I had without noticing it, begun pacing around the place like a crazy stalker. I looked behind bushes and I looked behind benches and at some point I even looked behind trash cans.

After ten fruitless minutes, I had to admit my defeat. The former team leader was nowhere to be found. That's when I hear an excited;

''Let it rip!''

Now where had I heard that before? On TV?  
It was followed by a mysterious spinning sound and shrill voices cheering and shouting. It seemed as if something good was going on, and as the curious person I am, I just had to go take a look. So I hurried my steps to where the sounds came from and found myself staring at five kids and a Bey-dish. God, how could I have forgotten? Beyblading, the sport that had ruled my life since the day I learned to even launch a Beyblade. (A funny story actually. I ended up shooting Mariah in the head with my Blade, causing her to fall down a really dirty hill and down into a very wet river. I've never laughed so hard in my life.)

The children looked as if they had never seen anything greater and at once my heart sank. Had I once felt that excitement too? Had I once lived and thrived for the occasion of the sport? Seeing my Blade rip through plastic and hear the loud roar of my once so proud BitBeast? How could I ever have forgotten what that felt like? The kids looked like they were about somewhere between the age of nine and fourteen and one of them had a look of extreme determination on his face.  
He reminded me somewhat of how Kai used to look whenever he trained us.

''Go on, Nuker! Get him!''

Nuker? What kind of profound name was that? The boy didn't even have a BitBeast. And still, he cheered his Blade on as if it had a soul. As if it was a part of him. The whole scene was rather silly, actually. It was just a toy. A bit of plastic and metal. A material object moving, spinning, burning through the dish leaving claw-like marks after it. It was… it was…

Wonderful.

''Yeeeeees!'' the boy roared happily as the other Blade got knocked out, flying through the sky before landing with a light thud in the snow before my feet. I stared at the odd little thing for a while, bewildered, as if an alien had just landed on my head and started Riverdancing while only wearing a tutu.

''Hey! Give me back my BeyBlade!'' the opponent of the other boy shouted at me with his tiny little voice.

His ivory-hair peeking out from beneath his woolen hat, his cheeks red from the cold and his sneaky, green eyes staring dumbfounded at me.

I said nothing as I picked the Blade up, examining it in the bright light of the grey morning sky. The Blade felt cold and light in my hand, the rings slightly torn at the edges. How many Defense Rings had I changed throughout my years? How much time had I spent with Kenny, trying to build the perfect Blade? It was such a long time ago.

''Your Balance Ring needs to be replaced.'' I stated flatly, deep in thought.

The kids looked at me with wide eyes. The boy who had been battling the ivory-haired one came up next to his former opponent and gave me a curious look. His dark eyes and tanned skin almost glowing.

''You BeyBlade?''

I turned my gaze towards him.

''Ye… No. Well… I used to, you see. I was in this g…''

''Hey!'' the light haired one yelped, pointing at me with a gloved hand. ''You're Rei Kon!''

I was absolutely stunned. Someone remembered me! After all those years, after all that time, someone remembered me. Someone young and enthusiastic remember _me_.

''Yeah, hi.'' I grinned sheepishly. Suddenly, I felt as if some of the great weight I had carried within me since I moved to Korea, lifted.

The boys stared at me with awe, the other children looking at us with questioning eyes. The dark eyed kid's jaw dropped and I realized I was still holding the Blade. I reached it out for the other to take, and when he did he gave his Blade a look as if it had just been touched by a God.

''You… you touched my BeyBlade, man!'' he gasped.

''Uh… sorry?'' I apologized, as if this was something bad. It made me feel like a child molester in some odd, unexplainable way.

''Sorry? Sorry?! You're freakin' sorry?! Dude, you're my idol!''

The other boy stared at the Blade with the exact look upon his face, watching his friend stroke the Blade with his hand.

''Rei freakin' Kon of the freakin' BladeBreakers touched my freakin' Blade!''

I frowned slightly.

''Actually, I left the BladeBreakers to jo…''

''Dude! This is so awesome! You… hey, you cut your hair!''

''Well… uh… yeah.''

The dark eyed boy turned his eyes towards me, making me feel like I was being studied under a big microscope. I didn't know whether to feel glad about the fact that they actually remembered me, or unnerved by the accusing looks they both were now giving me.

''Where the hell have you been, man? Beyblading was just not the same without you guys! Why'd you quit?''

Suddenly I felt very depressed. As if the disappointment of seeing your childhood hero walk away from the thing you loved most infected me. I never thought about it that way, all the children and BeyBladers and fans worldwide that I left. I didn't just leave my team that day I moved, I didn't just leave the love of my life and my life itself. I left the people in the world who actually believed in me, who thought I could amount to something. I never thought about the fact that the day I retired from what I thought was hurting me, I only managed to hurt myself more. BeyBlading with my friends had been my life. It had been all that mattered.  
I hadn't just left the thrill of a victory, the lesson of a defeat, the comfort of having people shouting encouraging words at my back, the security of being in a team. I had also left myself.

''I… had some… things that were troubling me.''

The boys eyebrows rose accusingly, as if I had just said something very, very, very stupid.

''So?'' the dark eyed said ''Whenever I feel down I always Blade! It cheers me up no matter what!''

I snarled at him.

''Oh, yeah kid? Have you ever been in love? Have you ever felt that you were letting people down because you couldn't play anymore? Because the one thing you were actually any good at, seemed like nothing compared to the fact that you couldn't reach out to your love? That no matter how close you were, how many days that passed, you would never ever get to actually be with him?!''

I was almost shouting by then. My voice grew thick in my throat. Like a lump of charcoal that refused to come out. All the words fell over my tongue like Bambi on ice. I couldn't help it, there they stood accusing me of… well, something! Telling me that the problem that had haunted me for years could be solved by a simple, childish game? It was all so preposterous and silly. I just couldn't hold it in.

''Him?'' the boys said in unison.

I stared at them in confusion, realization slowly creeping up behind me. Oh god, what had I done?!  
My face gained a look of horror, as if I was a squirrel and they were a large, oncoming truck that would run over me and turn me into a bloody mess on concrete if I didn't run.

So I ran. Behind me I could hear one of them saying;

''Dude, Rei Kon is gay?''

* * *

I don't know for how long I ran. I don't know what thoughts were going through my head, my breaths sharp like knives and my heart pounding louder and louder. As my eyes started to burn only one thought overpowered the previous ones.  
I had to find Kai.

Was he still even there? Had he even gone to the park at all? What was the use anyway? What would I do once I had found him? Ask him to marry me? Judging by the pace I was keeping it seemed like I was capable of doing just that. Why did I even let those kids freak me out so much? They didn't know how it felt. They didn't know how it was like being me. Rei Kon, the famous Chinese Blader. What a man.

With Kai's name spinning through my head, I fought as desperately to breathe as I fought to hold back my tears. Silly, silly Rei! Why couldn't I ever take things like a man? Why did I have to ask myself so many stupid questions? Why couldn't I just know stuff? And where the hell was Kai?!

I stopped suddenly in my tracks, snow flying around me for a full dramatic effect. I let out a harsh breath of relief as I noticed something blue and pointy sticking up from behind a tree. It was Kai! Kai was there! My savior! He was there, in the park and he had slept with me the previous night so everything was going to turn out alright. Everything was going to fall back into place. I was going to be able to sleep again, I was going to be finally…

Happy.

My breath stuck in my lungs with a weird sound coming from my throat, unable to let it out. My eyes felt like they tried to fly away from my head with rocket-speed, my jaw dropping almost ridiculously. That moment, I thought I felt my heart stop.

Next to Kai's blue hair I saw something red and spiky. The red spiky hair seeming awfully familiar, attached to an awfully familiar head with awfully familiar sharp features belonging to an awfully familiar person with his not so familiar tongue engaged in a tongue wrestling in Kai's oh so familiar mouth.  
I felt my whole world crash.

''Tala..?''


	6. Chapter 5

This.. is not a lot happening. It is like, just a something-in-.between, to get to the real stuff. So not much happening, but it is needed for the next chapter's events.  
Man, I love Bryan. He's so mean.

Oh, I was watching some G-rev episodes yesterday and I remebered why I started liking Beyblade in the first place .Go White Tiger X!  
And why am I letting Hillary on so much, in this one anyway? I don't like her. Ah. Well well.

I do not own Beyblade, if I did Rei would be so much more kick ass than they let him be.

And the previous chapter was a bit different, since it had lines instead of the X's. I just forgot how I was writing this thing for a while. For this one I'm going to have the old X's back. But I want you to know. **Is X better than the lines or is it the other way around?** Tell me in your reviews! Cheers!

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Five**

**X**

Before I even had the chance to scream a very high-pitch and girly scream, someone yanked me several inches above the ground. A fist held its death like grip on the collar of my jacket, harsh breaths warm against the back of my head. I didn't even dare to make a sound. The evil muggers had finally found me! My first instinct was to scream for Kai to help me, but then I remembered what I had just seen. My body went totally numb, which was probably good seeing that the grip the hand had on my collar almost strangled me. The person who had just grabbed me shook me violently and I felt myself being dragged a few meters away before finally being slammed against a tree. A twig poked me fiercely in the back and the sheer force of the slamming caused me to choke on my own spit. My back hurt and my head ached, my vision becoming blurry.

When I had pulled myself together at last, I suddenly wished I hadn't. Violet, ferocious eyes staring at me, burning into my skin. I felt sick.

''Hey, kitten. Ain't good sneaking around like that, you might get hurt.''

When he said that last word, I could swear I saw hell and all its demons laugh behind his eyes and dance across his smile. Suddenly I was pierced by a powerful hatred. I hated this boy, this man, for everything he had done to me. I hated him for stealing Kai from our team, (Okay so that wasn't his fault but who cares?) almost killing me in our battle and just being a total ass. I hated him for the fact that he was even breathing. People usually say I'm a calm person but that I can get angry when something is really worth the bother, and right that moment I just felt my whole self being consumed by hatred and loathing for one single person.  
Bryan was back.

''Get your filthy monkey-paws away from me!'' I hissed, baring my teeth like a mad lion.

''Calm down, twerp. You'll disturb the love birds.''

My head was spinning so fast I didn't know what to think anymore. I just wanted to get out of there. I wanted to do what I had been doing for years, I wanted to run. I wanted to run until I reached the edge of the world and fell over and plummeted to my doom and… Bryan's eyes were staring at me, like he was trying to make me do something.

My breath switched between racing and stopping so fast I didn't even know if I was finally breathing at all. This was not happening. This was not happening. This was a dream. It was all a dream and I would wake up next to Kai and everything would be perfectly normal.  
Right?

Bryan leaned in and I could feel his breath against my neck as he whispered in my ear;

''You look upset, kitty-cat. What's wrong? Someone stole your little toy?''

Now the anger rose again and I kicked the Russian as hard as I could in the stomach, making him flinch and loosen his grip just enough for me to slither out from beneath him. He was so much taller than me it felt like being locked in a cage.  
While I heard him cursing loudly in both Russian and English I didn't even dare cast a glance over my shoulder before I sprinted off through the snow. Even a cheetah would have been impressed by my speed.

''Oh fuck…'' I hissed between the steps. ''Oh fuck!''

**X**

I don't ever remember crying so much. There was this one time that I thought Driger had been lost in the river and I cried like a girl in a soap opera. Oh, and once when I was ten and Mariah almost put my hair on fire. That was sad.  
Although, it was nothing compared to this. I don't know how far I ran or for how long, all I remember is that I just ran like my life depended on it. I ran as if chased by the Devil himself. This turned out to be a terrible mistake, because when I finally stopped, I realized I was lost.

I panicked at first, turning my head so fast I thought it would fall off, staring around me with fear rising in my chest. Then I started pacing around in circles faster and faster until I decided to calm down before I went insane. I took a couple of deep breaths and relaxed.

Then I panicked again.

Finally, after I had been running around some more, I found my way into a dead end. This gave me the slight feeling of being claustrophobic, which I've never felt before at all. The walls seemed to glare at me with meaning looks, reminding me of Bryan. And Tala. And Kai. Everything was so messed up! My heart ached and pounded as if it was trying to eat itself up, my chest tightening with menace. It felt like I was dying over and over again.

I let out a scream before finally collapsing on the cold ground. The snow felt like shards against my skin, the dark of the alley covering me, leaving my mind blank. Then I broke into great, big sobs. I cried and I cried and I don't think I've ever hurt that bad. The tears didn't seem like they would ever stop coming. I squeezed myself into fetal position, while my mind reminded me of all the muggers and other bad people who could come and assault me. But I actually didn't care. Nothing like that even mattered. All I kept repeating in my head like some sick, twisted mantra was the names of the three Russians.

Tala. Bryan. Kai. Tala. Bryan. Kai. Tala. Tala. Kai. Kai. Bryan. Bryan. Bryan!

God, I hated that son of a bitch. I hated Tala too, perhaps I hated him more than Bryan even. But the one I hated the most that moment, was the man I had swooned over for not even a day ago. So did the night we spent together even mean anything? Did he feel anything? Anything at all?  
The thought hadn't occurred to me, that he might just have slept with me for the sake of having sex. I was so stupid.  
Stupid, stupid, stupid Rei!

How could I ever think Kai would love me? How could I even think he would ever _like_ me? How could I have been so blind? Obviously the redheaded Russian was much better for him. They were both mean assholes. They both played with other peoples emotions. They both looked gorgeous.

Well weren't they just the perfect couple?

I sobbed even harder at the thought. Snot and saliva and salt tears running down my face, while the snow beneath me sparkled cheerfully. I even hated the snow. How dared it laugh at me and twinkle with all its joy and beauty when I was lying there, looking and feeling utterly miserable?  
I needed a cigarette more than I needed anything else in the whole evil world.

Well, except Kai then. I needed him even more. I needed him the most. I needed him to come into that alley and hold me. I needed him to hold me and kiss me and tell the that everything was alright.  
But I knew that wouldn't happen, so I picked up and lit a cigarette instead.

This was all so absurd.

**X**

It was in the middle of dusk when I had finally begun walking again. My cheeks were cold and plastered with frozen tears, my head ached so much I wished I could just rip it off. I don't know for how long I had been lying in that alley or when my crying finally stopped. Right then I didn't even know where the hell I was. All the streets looked the same, all the people looked the same and all the buildings looked the same. But right then I didn't even care to get panicked. I just felt so terribly numb. How could Kai do this to me? Or better yet, how could I even think our night together meant something to him?  
What was the point of telling him my feelings now? It didn't matter anymore. I should just give it up and move on with my life. Move back to China maybe, get a decent job, get married and start Beyblading again.

Oh, who was I kidding? I hadn't been able to do that for a really long time. Now it seemed even more impossible.

I stopped suddenly, clenching my trembling fists and I felt the tears were starting to crawl back in my eyes again. My breath came out quick, short and harsh and I just couldn't take it anymore.

''Why don't you love me?!''

I didn't mean for it to come out loud. I didn't mean for anyone to hear. There I stood in the middle of a crowded street screaming at the sky, my eyes resembling the Niagara Falls. People turned their heads to look at me but no one stopped walking. They hurried on even faster, not wanting to be near me and my troubled mind. I let out a hard sob before bowing my head and not caring about the people around me, I let the tears fall a new.

''Why…?'' I whispered to myself, my voice faltering and slipping on every word. ''Why don't you love me? What did I do wrong?''

I wiped my eyes and drew the snot back into my nose, put my hands in my pockets and began walking again. Where was I supposed to go? Surely I couldn't go back to the apartment now. Hillary would ask me stuff and maybe… maybe he was there.  
Then suddenly, I bumped into someone with a loud shriek. I almost fell backwards but I managed to regain my balance just in time. I looked up to see who I had just smacked into, and to my surprise I saw someone looking extremely much like Max.

Except the person was a little kid with large, brown eyes. His hair looked exactly like Max's, blonde and wild and smooth. His features were round and soft and his smile big and cheerful. I blinked at him, not knowing what to think. Next to him stood a woman, her hair short and a dirtier shade of blonde, but with the kid's exact same eyes.

She smiled at me, but when she saw my red, puffy face and fresh tears her smile fell. She gave me a worried and kind look and somehow she made me feel safe. She radiated warmth and a glow, like a mother and a model in one package with her slender frame and strong shoulders and expensive-looking coat.

''Oh, I'm sorry, sir! Did we hurt you?'' she said with a voice that sounded like it could be in a musical. Her southern accent made her voice sound like home. Not that I'm from the southern parts of America, but still.

I shook my head and tried to pull myself together, and failed.  
''N-no'' my voice came out hoarse. ''Y-you… you didn't. I'm sorry. I wasn't… looking.''

Now she looked worried, and the little kid pulled her sleeve with a shy glance towards me.

''Mommy, why is the boy crying? Did I hurt him?''

The mother chuckled slightly and bent down to hug her son. He nuzzled into her shoulder like a cat.

''No, Sammy. You didn't. I don't know why he's sad. Maybe you could ask him?'' her voice was so sweet I thought I would get diabetes.

She stood up, holding the kid's hand and smiling at me. I just stared dumbfounded as I tried to figure out why this kid looked so much like my blonde, American friend.  
He gave me a shy look with his big, kind eyes and I felt my heart melt. It was such a weird moment and I wanted to both run away and stay. Who were these people and why didn't they yell at me like everyone else I had bumped into in the streets?

''Mister, why are you sad?'' the kid said and I just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

''Uh…'' I mumbled. What would I tell him? ''I… uh…''

''Was someone mean to you?''

''Uh… well…'' I thought about it for a while, and it seemed like a correct assumption. ''Well, yeah. I guess you could say that, kiddo.''

The kid looked worried, his mother just looked like she was trying to suppress a smile. At the same time she looked as though she tried to recognize me.

''When people are mean to me, do you know what I do?''

''No, what?'' I smiled halfheartedly at him.

''I BeyBlade!'' his smile grew even wider and when he did, I started sobbing wildly again. I felt so embarrassed I just wanted to die, especially when the kid looked hurt and his mother looked worried. Why couldn't I pull myself together?!

''I'm sorry'' I sobbed ''But… It's not your fault, kid, it's just… Oh god.''

I would have fallen to my knees and cried, if not for the little amount of self-respect I had left. I quickly wiped the tears away again, but they just kept coming. The woman placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

''Do you live around here?'' she asked mildly.

I shook my head desperately.

''No, I don't know where the apartment is. I'm staying…'' I swallowed down another sob. ''I'm staying at my friend Max's place and I've been running around for hours. I cant find very good here, I'm not from…'' I swallowed down some snot. ''I'm not from around.''

''Max?''

I looked at her and her eyes were wide with surprise. Soon her face shone brighter than the streetlights above.

''Yeah, Max Tate, the ex-Beyblader.''

Now she almost laughed like someone had just performed a miracle in front of her. She hugged me tightly and I was so taken aback I forgot about my crying for a moment. She then lifted the kid up so he could sit on her hip, and they both smiled at me.

''We're going over there now!'' she said. ''We could show you the way!''

I blinked at her. What?

''Yeah, we're going to go visit daddy!'' the kid almost sang out.

Wait a minute… daddy?! This was Max's son and ex-fiancée?! Wow. What were the odds?

''What a small world.'' The woman said and I could simply only nod in agreement.

**X**

We hadn't been in the apartment for very long, but Max and his kid Sam had been playing videogames with Tyson since we came back. His ex, Josephine, said she was only going to drop Sam off and then head for some business in Washington D.C, and she said that she would be back to pick Sam up right before Christmas. Hillary squeaked with joy over having another female around, so she decided that the two of them would go out clubbing before she and Sam left. So the two females went together to the airport, why Jo was flying I didn't bother to ask, and left us men alone. Now Kenny had joined in the living room activities, and Sam was obviously beating him with ease. Kai though, seemed to be nowhere to be found.

''I bet he's still out doing whatever Kai likes doing.'' Max said and narrowed his eyes and leaned to the left as if this was going to help him win the videogame.  
Tyson shouted loud when his character fell off a cliff. Sam laughed at him and Kenny had to break the two apart before one of them got strangled.

''Why doesn't he like to hang out with us, anyway?'' Tyson said with a grumpy voice as he regained his pose and started playing again. He was clicking on the console so fast I didn't even follow.

''He's always been like that. He wants his privacy. At least he's going to spend Christmas with us, right?'' Kenny said and started tapping away on Dizzi instead.

Sam looked up as Tyson's character died once again, this time being run over by a big boulder.  
''Daddy, who's Kai?'' he said, but before Max had time to answer Tyson beat him to it;

''Kai is a mean bastard who only thinks about himself and has never been nice to anyone in his entire life.''

''He's a good Blader though'' Kenny said but Tyson just snorted at him.

''Not as good as me! Haha! Take that!'' he roared as he pushed Max's videogame character down into a pit of lava.  
I started wondering what kind of weird game it was, where I sat slouching in an armchair drinking hot chocolate. Apparently, Sam wasn't as interested in Beyblading as his father, but more into singing like his mother. Still, he played Beyblade regurarly and he did know who the Bladebreakers were. He just didn't fan boy us like every other kid. When we presented ourselves to each other, he did squeal though when he saw Tyson. Apparently Ty's Blading skills didn't go unnoticed by him.

''Is he the one who made Rei cry?'' Sam asked curiosly looking up at Tyson.

I choked on my chocolate as he spoke, and I could immediately feel the others staring at me. The only thing burning hotter than their stares at my head, was the blush spreading across my cheeks. I could swear they had even stopped paying attention to the video game.

''He _what_?!'' Tyson cried, so high pitch it hurt my ears.

I sunk back in the chair hoping to sink through the ground and vanish forever. This was so humiliating.

''Uh… I uh…'' I stuttered desperately trying to find anything to say.

Fortunately though, I didn't have to. I was saved by the bell! Or, doorbell, to be more exact.  
Max stood up and went into the hallway to see who was outside the door, and just mere seconds after he had opened it we heard a big yelp and a very familiar cry of joy.

We turned our heads to the doorway only to see a short, redheaded young man leaping into the room.

'_'Daichi's back, baby_!''


	7. Chapter 6

Okaay so I just noticed I had misspelled Hilary's name. But now since I've done this for the last six parts, I'll continue spelling her name as Hillary. And yes I am aware of the fact that I'm using Rei's japanese name but everyone elses english ones, and I am sticking to that since I like it better this way. Also, I know Bryan doesn't have lavender eyes in G-revolution, but I like his eyes that way and come on, like your eye color can change? Ok so there is lenses, but... Nah. Lavender eyes, end of story. I might do something with his hair, I dunno. We'll see.

Also, this chapter might not be such a climax or reaching expectations but I can tell you that chapter 7 will include; drunk Rei, mancrazy Hillary, horny Bryan and a fighting Kai. Wordfigthing, that is. But don't worry. There will be other kinds of fighting later on. (Heh, maybe I should take a look at the rating..) Also, I have made the notes for how this is going to end and I can tell you one thing, it will not end by christmas in the storyline. So, hang on to your seatbelts and;

Eeeenjoy! (And review. I know you want to!)

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Six**

**X**

''What's the matter with you guys?'' Daichi's eyebrows rose suspiciously.

We just stared at him like he was a monkey who had just jumped through our window. Max looked the most surprised, seeing how Daichi had just thrown his jacket and suitcase on him like he was some sort of coat-hanger. Tyson gave him thumbs up, Sam stared and Kenny just nodded in greeting.

Me, I just tried to slip out of the armchair and slither back into the room I slept in. Sadly though, our new guest would have nothing of that.

''Rei, hey man! How's it hanging?''

Every pair of eyes in the room turned to stare at me, like I was a cow trying to escape form the Funny Farm. Daichi grinned his wide grin, not looking like he had changed at all through the years. His hair was red and unruly, his eyebrows thick and his height was as if it hadn't changed a bit. All in all, I couldn't understand for the life of it how he could manage to be such a womanizer.

''Uh… fine.'' I said carefully, just wanting to get out of there before they started asking me awkward questions about Mr. Russian-Asshole.

He frowned slightly, but then remained with his cheerful, mischievous grin as he turned his gaze towards the others.

''Yo, Tyson! I'm gonna beat you this time!''

Tyson snorted and blew his bangs out of his face, only for them to fall back into place once again.

''You wish! You couldn't beat me even if your Beyblade depended on it!''

Daichi looked furious, like he had just been insulted in the worst way one could ever be.

''Oh yeah?!''

''Yeah!''

''Oh _yeah?!_''

''Uh, _yeah!_''

The redhead took a giant leap, unlike any leap I had ever seen him take before, and landed on Tyson, knocking him fully to the floor with a loud thud. They rolled around like two rabid dogs, trying to throttle each other with the game-consol cords. Max tried with all the effort he could muster to pry the two apart, but it only resolved into him getting dragged into the quarrel. When even Kenny got dragged into it, I saw it as my chance to leave. So as quietly as possible, while hearing curses fly behind me like bullets, I crawled back into my room.

''_You little shrimp!_'' I heard Tyson shout, and shortly after I heard Max yelling at them for being so obnoxious in front of his kid.

The last things I heard before closing the door was Daichi's;  
''Who you calling shrimp, lizard-boy?!''

And Tyson answering with a;  
''It's a _dragon_! Get it right you damn chimpanzee!''

I leaned against the door and let out a heavy sigh. This was so not my day. And soon it was Christmas too. What was I supposed to buy people anyway? I mean… I had not even the faintest idea! Hillary was even done with her shopping already, saying she had bought me something special. God, I'm not made for this kind of stuff. And what was I supposed to do when Kai came back? Pretend like nothing ever happened?

I sighed exasperatedly as I crawled up onto the soft bed, tangling myself into the sheets and blankets and whatnots. I was so tired, so exhausted. I had used up all my power resources in just one single day, and I hadn't eaten since breakfast, plus, I still had a small hangover. ''_Just need to rest my eyes for a moment…''_ I remember thinking before I yawned widely and fell asleep.

**X**

The next morning I awoke by a gentle tugging on my shoulder. I seemed to have fallen asleep in my clothes, which felt warm and sweaty. I stretched my limbs which all cracked approvingly and let out the biggest yawn of all times. A nasty growling from my stomach accompanied by a great hunger pang, told me that maybe it was time to eat something. But the tiredness hadn't completely left my body yet, and mentally I still felt exhausted. Yesterdays escapades came flooding back to me and with a sigh, I opened my eyes as slowly as I could. I almost fell out of my bed with surprise when I met Hillary's brown eyes.

''Mornin' Rei!'' she said cheerfully.

I snarled at her. Good morning? More likely the worst damn morning ever. How could she manage to look so happy? What was the time anyway?  
I cast a glance at the Clock Radio on the night stand next to the bed, and it showed sleepy red numbers forming 10:30 AM.

''Mrnn Hll…'' I managed to mumble incoherent words into the comfortable pillow, not even caring if she heard or even understood me.

She stroked a few strands of my hair behind my ear and patted me on the shoulder with a friendly amount of strength, still smiling when I bothered to look up at her again.

''Hey, Kon, what's up? How'd it go with Kai yesterday?''

First I didn't let the words sink in properly, and when I did it felt like my brain collapsed. All those bad memories just rushing back to me, going on repeat in my head. ''_Kai kissing Tala. Tala kissing Kai. Kai kissing Tala. __Tala kissing Kai.'' _Right then I just wanted to rip Hillary apart. She must have notice this, because she looked slightly worried and unnerved.

''It didn't go well, huh?'' she said with a soft voice, and I had to bury my head in the pillow to keep the tears from coming.

I nodded slightly, not daring to speak in case my voice would break.

''Awww… honey. What happened?''

God, Hillary, why couldn't she shut up just once? One time in her life, could she just not go there?  
I felt the sobs burning at the back of my throat once more, furiously biting my lip in a desperate and weak attempt to not let the tears fall. I didn't want to think about it, I couldn't! But maybe… Maybe it would help to open up? To let someone else handle my problems for a little while?

I thought about it for a few seconds, before I told Hillary the whole heartbreaking (Well, at least Rei-heartbreaking) story, all the time having my face buried as deep in the pillow as I could manage without suffocating. Hillary sat quietly for most of the story, sometimes saying things like ''Oh no!'' and ''That asshole!'' and things like that. When I had finally told her everything, my pillow was so wet I thought a snowball had crawled up and died on it.

Then silence fell over the room, and I listened to Hillary's calm breathing as well as my own upset, ragged one. The minutes seemed to slowly crawl by, one by one, until she finally sighed deeply.

''Well, Rei. It seems like you and I need to go out clubbing!''

I stopped in the middle of my crying. What?!  
I sat up as if struck by lightning and gaped at her with wide eyes, filled with horror and fear. I did not hear right! Did I..?

''What?!''

''Oh, stop being such a girly girl! It'll be fun! We can look for boys…''

''I'm not _gay_, Hillary.''

''Whatever you are, we can go look for some unsuspecting, innocent sweetie and bring the poor victim home for a good ol' time! No fuss, only fun. Alright?''

I blinked rapidly, trying to get a hold of her words but with no success.

''No! Not in a million light years!''

But she just waved my protests away like nothing and stood up with a broad and wicked grin.

''Then it's settled! You, me and maybe Jo. Some night by the end of the week. Great!''

I swear to you. That woman is pure evil.

**X**

I had resumed my attempts of sleeping once again, refusing to meet the day and all it would bring with it. Not feeling very hungry, and not really caring about the fact that my hair was dirty and I smelled like what a grunge-rocker probably smelled like, I didn't bother to move an inch. No one bothered to enter my room either, so I guess Hillary had told them all to bugger off.  
This made me wonder what kind of threats she had used to get them to keep away from me, because I suspected they would come quite in handy later on in my miserable life.

When I bothered to look at the clock once more, the digits read 4:06 PM. My stomach snarled hatefully at me, but I just ignored it. Stupid stomach. Stupid Christmas. Stupid New York. Stupid Kai! God, I was so tired of my thoughts only revolving around him all the time. No matter where I looked or where I went or what I did, all I could think of was his soft hair and how his skin smelled and how his eyes glowed crimson in a certain light. Everything reminded me of how he moved and how he spoke and how he acted and what he liked to have in his coffee. (I had studied him quite closely, the time we spent together.)

I just wished I could get a break every once in a while. Maybe… maybe even forget about him. But at the same time, how could I? I mean… look at him! He was without doubt, the biggest love of my pathetic 25 year long life. I grunted depressed, jamming the pillow over my head, slithering down beneath the cover, hiding from the world for a while.

At least I thought so, until I heard the door open.

''Hillary, go away!''

But the snicker that followed told me that this wasn't Hillary. In fact, it didn't even sound like a girl at all. I immediately snapped my head up, my eyes widening when I saw who my visitor was. As he closed the door, my eyes narrowed and I would have hissed like an animal if I only knew how.

''_Daichi..!''_ I spat with a warning voice, clearly I just wanted to lie in my solitude in that room until I withered and died.

Obviously, the short little redhead would have none of that as long as he could do something about it.

''Yo, Rei!'' he said with his raspy little voice. Man, not even his voice had changed much through the years. How did he get all those girls he had bragged so much about over the phone talking to Max? Did he drug them or bribe them or threaten them or what?

''Go away.'' I snarled, beginning to sound like my stomach.

He shook his head with that same old grin of his.

''No way, dude! It seems you've got a problem and Dr. Love is gonna help you!''

I stared at him, frowning and pouting at the same time. What did he mean?  
As if he had read my thoughts, or much more likely; read my expression, he winked at me with a meaning look in his eyes.

''Dude, I heard you sobbing to Hill.''

Oh good lord, no! What had I done?! Panic rose in my chest like clawing rats, desperately trying to get out. I stifled a scream with my fist, feeling more emotionally drained than ever. Why did this day have to suck too? What had I done? Why did the Gods despise me so goddamn much?

''Hey, take it easy! There's nothing wrong with being gay!''

''_I'm not gay!''_ I shouted defensively, maybe a bit too loud.

As my words echoed off the walls, I stared awkwardly at the Blader on my bedside. He gave me a suspicious stare, before turning into his big trademark-grin again. He looked as though he had a plan. His eyes twinkling like they only do on people in movies. I was seriously starting to fear for my own well being.

''Whatever, man!'' he said and waved my words away with a flick of the wrist. ''I've come here to help you! But only if you do me a favor in return…''

He gave me a weird look and I deepened my frown. What was he playing at?

''I'm… listening.'' I said, not able to resist this sweet, sweet offer. Even if I rather would have taken it from Max or Hillary or anyone who seemed to have more brains than Daichi.

He grinned even wider, cracking his knuckles in a professional-looking way, turning into a more comfortable looking position on the bed.

''See, if I help you break Kai and that Tala guy up… could you help me… uh… how do I put this?''

I watched him closely while he spoke, wondering what went on in that little monkey-head of his. Was this a bad idea?

''Yeeees..?'' I said impatiently.

Daichi sighed and looked at me with a scrutinizing glare.

''Promise not to laugh at me.'' He growled.

I nodded seriously, staring at him for a while before he finally gave in.

''I'll help you break the two Russian love birds up, if you let help me win a special someone's heart. A special someone in this apartment.''

**X**

''I can't believe I'm doing this.'' I growled as I prowled around in the snow-covered, high and wildly grown bushes in the cold afternoon.

Daichi just hissed at me and motioned for me to crawl further, following him over twigs and thorns I obeyed. I don't know for how long we crawled around in there, or even why we had to pick the stupid bushes of all hiding places in the area. I would have much rather rolled around under cars or masked myself with a wig and a fake moustache or something, but no, no, no, no. Daichi wanted to do it the complicated way. What on earth was I thinking when I agreed to this?

I didn't know what his plan was or how we were going to perform it, or even how he knew where Tala and Kai were. He just said he had been spying on them all morning when I was busy sulking, and that he had heard them talk about some things they were going to do. I just decided to let it be, and follow the odd little man through the bushes and into what would most likely be my own oncoming doom.  
I just wished Bryan wasn't around.

Suddenly Daichi stopped dead in his tracks and I almost crashed into his butt because I wasn't ready for the sudden halt. I couldn't see his face, but I had the feeling that he was grinning again. At what, I didn't have the faintest idea. Not until he grabbed my collar and pulled me forward at least. And what I saw in front of me just made me furious and devastated at the same time.

Tala, in a delicate coat with fur-lining, stroking a smooth, red strand behind his pale ear, next to him sat Kai looking thoughtful and gorgeous. The latter was wearing his fur hat today, and as the snow fell softly I started to wish I had one too.  
I clattered my teeth while rubbing my ears grumpily, while Daichi made me lean forward to try to listen into the conversation.

Too our disappointment though, they were murmuring in what sounded like Russian.

''Stupid Russians..!'' Daichi hissed more to himself than to me.

Still with a grip on my collar, he dragged me further into the bushes until we had gotten around behind the bench of which the Russian sex gods… I mean handsome… I mean cute… I mean… _persons_, were occupying.

But since we still didn't know how to speak or understand Russian, we finally gave up our eavesdropping. It all seemed like a lost cause, until Daichi seemed to have gotten a new, brilliant idea. I didn't like it, and I hadn't even heard about it yet.

**X**

''Schot dogs! Schot dogs! Schot dogs, people! Scheep, scheep schot dogs!''

This was absurd. This was insane. This was not normal! There I was, pushing a cart full of hot dogs, which I have no idea where Daichi got it from, wearing a uniform fit for a Hot Dog seller, while having a moustache and wig hiding my appearance. To top it all off, I had to fake the worst accent ever. Where Daichi had gone off to, I had no idea. Although he had told me that in order to make this plan work, I had to look as if I was selling Hot Dogs, after which I had to make at least Tala buy it. How and why, I couldn't figure out for all the hot dogs in the world. I just decided to trust Daichi, which probably was a big mistake.

''Schot dogs! Anyone want schot dogs?''

I had decided to stay at least a meter or three away from Kai and Tala, in case they would notice me if they looked too closely. For all I knew, Kai maybe recognized people by their eyes or poses or their smell or whatever. I couldn't take any chances. So I picked up a slippery, disgusting looking hot dog, slapped it into a dry bread and handed it over to Tala. He just wrinkled his nose and shot me the worst death glares I had ever received. I swear, I felt like I actually died for a moment there!

''Schot dogs?'' I tried again, but he just kept glaring at me. I didn't even dare cast the smallest glance towards Kai.

Tala seemed to try to murder the poor piece of meat in my hand with his clear, cold eyes, and then he started to sniff it. It was probably the weirdest thing I had seen since I saw Gary comfort-eat, and that had not been a pretty sight.  
Then he raised one red eyebrow, lowered it again, then raised the other, lowered that one too, before raising both of his eyebrows into a look which I couldn't really interpret.  
Then, to my great surprise, he grabbed it like a hungry wolf and took a small, suspicious bite.

I watched in amazement, awe and slight horror while he chewed it, not a trace of emotion in his eyes. It was like looking into dead depths of darkness, or a blizzard. His face was pale as snow, his lips tightly pressed together as he swallowed. Silence lay pressing above us, while I waited for a respond, a reaction of some sort. May it be little or small, it didn't really matter. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, and fast!

I didn't dare speak, I didn't dare think. As the seconds ticked by the thought of not knowing where Daichi was just scared the living crap out of me, even more than watching the redheaded Russian chew his hot dog with a dead and cold stare.  
Finally, Tala looked at me.

''I'll take four.''

Then, suddenly, as I reached for more hot dogs, something evil started filling the air like poisonous gas. Only, this wasn't gas. This was the evil presence of someone I did not like one tiny bit. Suddenly, Brian emerged from the shadows and I would have jumped in surprise with a yelp of horror if not for the fact that to these gentlemen I was a mere hot dog seller, and in Brian's grasp of doom was Daichi, squirming for his dear life.

I tried not to let the shock surface completely, but the mere effort alone was agonizing. Tala and Kai glared at Bryan who glared back, his vicious self didn't seem to have changed much during the years. I mean, Tyson didn't change much more than that he could actually have a conversation not involving bad jokes for like, five minutes. Max at least seemed to grow a little more mature around his kid and then I guess the one who had changed the most was me. But the change Tala and Bryan seemed to have endured, wasn't much to brag about. Tala still seemed to be his glaring, hating old self and Bryan still appeared to be the human murdering machine that I had got to know him as during our brief encounters. If he was still the Bryan Kuznetsov that we all knew and loved (and with 'loved', I mean 'wished to be run over by a truck driven by raging gorillas') then Daichi was in deep trouble.

''Look what I found. Unsuspecting prey!'' those lilac eyes seemed to sparkle with evil delight in the afternoon sun.

Daichi looked terrified and exposed as crimson and clear blue pierced him with suspicious glares, and for a moment the hot dogs seemed to have been forgotten.

''Daichi?'' Kai growled and I almost fainted by the sound of his strong voice.

The shorter of the four laughed nervously and tried to look as innocent as a person getting caught sneaking around in the bushes could possibly look like.

''Let me down, you big ape!'' he then snarled at his captor, who with his clear overhand in height, only sneered in a way that no mother would ever want to see a person who had just captured their son sneer.

I wasn't Daichi's mother, thank the Gods, but I was still horrified. Quick, brain, figure out an escape plan!

''So, squirt, care to tell us why you're trying to eavesdrop on us?'' Bryan hissed, but he still didn't manage to scare his prey.

Daichi just snorted, crossing his arms with a look of pure determination on his face. This was not going to end well, and I was the only one who could do anything. I desperately but discretely looked around trying to find something that could help us. No matter how many times I scanned the place, I only ended up on the same spot as where I had started; the hot dog cart.

As Bryan seemed to get physical on Daichi in a hurtful manner, aka strangling him, I switched off my logic and turned into instincts as I pushed the cart with an impressive speed so that it knocked Bryan over, grabbed Daichi in mid-air and ran for it.

''Run, dude, run!'' I heard him yell as he hung over my shoulder, and I had no other intention than to obey.


	8. Chapter 7

So this chapter got longer than the previous ones. They're like, 5 pages, this is like 10. And.. uh.  
I was planning to let it end in one way, but then it kinda... went another. Anyway it doesn't compromise the plan for the plot anyway.

This chapter is so weird. I amaze myself by the sheer weirdness of it. I mean.. yeah. The Bellini is a drink I think is made of champagne and peach or apricot juice. The reason I chose J&B on the rocks for Rei to drink is because the main character drinks this in my favorite book. And, well.. I'm not good at kissing-scenes. Okay?

This chapter will contain; Drunk Rei, kissing, fighting and sulking. Because I love torturing Rei and seeing Bryan in action. Grrrrr!

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Seven**

**X**

''Rei, run for it! Run for your freakin' life!''

Daichi's voice cut through the air and dug into my eardrums like freshly sharpened nails, lingering with my breaths as I sped up. I had been running for several blocks, the little man still tightly clutching to me while draped over my shoulder like a dead animal, constantly yelling. My steps were fast and my panting hard, since when had I lost my fitness? The smoking must really have gotten to me, because I felt like crap. My chest tightened to the point of pain and I was starting to feel dizzy. I was a good runner and had always been, but that march just felt like going to hell and back. The additional weight of Daichi didn't help much either.

I could still hear Bryan's rushed steps only a few steps behind me, and judging by the fact that Daichi never stopped yelling with a voice so filled with panic I thought it would crack, only proved this assumption. So I ran even faster and even further, avoiding people with a natural grace, blood pounding in my face. The streets seemed endless, time seemed still. Once in a while I could hear a noise as if Bryan had run into someone, much likely running them over without even stopping, accompanied by loud cursing and then his steps would sound further away from me than before, although only for seconds.

I didn't dare to think about my energy levels, fearing they might turn out to be extremely low. Finally, I was running so fast every joint and muscle in my legs and feet felt sore. I reminded myself to kill the redhead on my shoulder for this later, if we survived.

''I'll get you, Kon!'' the Russians strained voice barked behind me.

He didn't sound tired at all, only furious. Which wasn't much of a change from his usual attitude, but still it scared the living daylights out of me.  
I did not want to know what he would do if he caught us. Probably torture, followed by cold-blooded hours of even more torture, then a little more torture before finally, murderous torturous death. Yup. That's Bryan Kuznetsov in all his gory glory.

Then, as it always seems to happen a mistake when you need it the least, I tripped. My slender, gracious, cat-like athletic feet tripped. Over what I have no idea, but still, there I was, flying through the air with the shrillest scream I had ever produced, falling flat on my poor face. I felt the extra weight of Daichi's small body lift as he too flew through the air like a big lump of all that is ungracious. He landed with a loud ruckus on top of a group of tourists, their cameras crushed against the asphalt. A great pounding feeling roared in my head, my face ached and the only thing that struck me more than the fear of having broken something was the raging speed of a ravaging Bryan coming up behind me.

''Got you now, _suka_!'' he hissed and yanked me up by the collar.

All air was dragged out of me with surprising brute force, and I coughed with all my might. Blinking slightly, my vision was clearing more and more by each dreadful second, I saw fierce, violet eyes piercing through my very soul and presence.  
Bryan was mad, really mad.

His breaths came out as loud hissings, not even a drop of sweat visible on his milky white skin. The man was pale, I can tell you that much.

''You'' he glared at me with what felt like he had tried to put all his threatening presence in just one, chilly look. ''You are very much doomed, Rei Kon. Now take off that stupid moustache!''

''Sorry'' I tried to say without whimpering but pretty much failed. ''But I think it suits me.''

Hah! Old Bite-Back- Rei was back! Take that, jerk!

''Oh, no, not as much as a broken face would, pretty-boy.''

So, I admit. I gulped. But who wouldn't? I was practically being murdered by a pair of lilac eyes. If it weren't for Bry here, I would actually have been able to tolerate the color purple. But since the first time I made eye contact with the cold hearted son of a bitch, I had despised the color with all my might. And I, being the gentle and peaceful person I was raised to be, find it hard to really despise anything. Well, at least I did until my life started falling apart.  
This years Drama Queen; Rei Kon! Clap your hands, people!

''Oh, really? How thoughtful of you to consider my good looks. Sadly though, dead-on-the-inside-hideous-on-the-outside-maniacs just aren't really my thing. If you run back a few streets though, I'm sure there's a crazy Bag Lady over there who might enjoy your company!''

I knew I would regret my retorts the moment they popped up in my head, and still I did nothing to stop them from tripping out of my mouth. Good work there, Rei. Your oncoming and unavoidable death is coming to you, and fast!

Bryans face seemed to try a desperate attempt to crawl back into his skull, his mouth twisted in a mix of a snarl and a sneer. Whatever went on in that mans mind, I doubted it was anything I would ever like to know. And if I ever did get to know, I seriously doubted it would leave me with my sanity intact.

As he raised his fist, I prepared for death. My final, dark moments in life would be meaningless and stupid. The last thing I would ever see was going to be Bryans burning glare and colorless, angry face. And what had I accomplished in my soon to be last hours on earth? Not much really. I had tried on the profession of selling hot dogs, though, which hadn't been quite as fulfilling as it had seemed when I had watched people doing it in crappy movies on TV in my youth.  
At least I had the memory of naked Kai to cherish for the rest of eternity. That was probably more than most people.

''Hey, douche bag! Think fast!'' Daichi's voice suddenly cut through the tense moment, and the next thing I knew was Bryan lying flat on his back with a garbage tin lid over his face, me being yanked away once again by the collar. Only this time, the one to grab my jacket and cut off my air supply was Daichi.

''Come on, dude, let's get the hell out of here!''

**X**

Lucky for me, none of the others had been at the apartment when we finally arrived back into it's safety. This was good for three reasons. The first being I could turn up the volume of the stereo without anyone complaining. The second being that due to the high volume of the stereo I could argue with Daichi without being overheard. The third good reason was that I could smoke angrily in the kitchen while Daichi stormed out of the residence.

Now, I admit I am usually a calm person and I do not really yell at people unless it is completely, utterly, extremely necessary. Even then, I don't even yell. I could be very angry, but I never usually yell. Until that day, that is. I just fell all the tension and pressure and negativity that had been lurking inside of me, building up like a tower destined to fall, actually crumble. I just had to get rid of every bad emotion that I had, and Daichi just so happened to be there. Although I don't think I yelled that much. I mostly tried to pull my own hair out and rambled on about how stupid the plan had been. When Daichi had told me the reason for the hot dogs was to give Tala a sudden and unexpected bad case of diarrhea so that I could steal Kai away from him while he lay at home doinh Number Two like never before, I just lost my head at that point.  
I wanted to kill Daichi so bad I almost started crying.

When he had finally gotten enough of me and my drama, he stormed out of the apartment, leaving me alone with my bitterness. This year just seemed to suck for me. It seemed to suck the worst that a year could ever suck in the entire history of sucking. Max would probably have my head later for smoking underneath the kitchen fan, but did I care? No.  
As soon as my coffee was done though, I moved out to the balcony to try to cool off a little.

Five cups of coffee and a pack of cigarettes later, I heard the front door open.  
I tried to listen for who it could have been, judging by the steps and the way the persons movements sounded and so on. It sounded like a tall person, and a very quiet one too. Trying to search my mind for the only tall and quiet person I knew who had access to the apartment, I felt my heart sink so low I thought it would jump out of my pants.

And how right I was. There he stood, glaring with a scrutinizing look but a completely blank face, peering at me from the door to the balcony. He rose his eyebrows as I choked on my coffee, trying to look as if I had been sitting there all day and never left with Daichi to commit stupid plans at all.

As usual, Kai didn't fall for it.

''Rei. We are going to have a little talk.''

Instantly, I froze. It was as if the temperature had dropped hundreds and thousands of degrees by the tone in Kai's voice. My brain kept screaming at me that if I wouldn't stop subjecting it to severe mental stress it would implode.  
Too caught up in death threatening my brain I hadn't noticed the intensity that Kai's stare had gained. Not until he stood right in front of me. Glancing up, I didn't know whether to feel frightened of or just simply faint due to his extremely good looks. He had his arms crossed, as he so often had when he was about to bite Tyson's head off. My mood abandoned ship without a second thought.

''Oh, hi Kai!'' My voice stuck in my throat half way and he did not look convinced of my innocence and implied purity.

''What were you doing selling hot dogs?''

I coughed violently, hitting my chest in order to make it stop but only succeeding in making it worse. I continued coughing for about a minute or so, before averting my eyes to a dirty corner of the balcony's railing.

''You should quit smoking, that cough doesn't sound nice.''

I blushed and cleared my throat at his words, trying to find something that was more distracting to look at than Kai's deep, dangerous eyes. As always, the mighty Rei failed.

''Hot dogs, you say?'' I didn't want to do this. If there were any Gods above, their hatred for me must be as big as Tyson's and Daichi's stomachs and egos combined.

''Quit stalling.''

It was a command that was meant to be obeyed, and I could swear that the mighty Ares God Of War himself would have obliged. And since I am no God whatsoever, I couldn't find it in my gut to do anything else.

''Err… hot dogs… I don't know anything about…''

''Don't waste my time with petty lies, _Kon_! Tell me the truth! What were you doing selling hot dogs to Tala?'' His voice was a weird mix of cold despise and flaming anger all at once and it hurt to know that this time it was directed solemnly at me.

I can't remember the last time I hated hearing my last name so much. It was as if I wasn't a person in his eyes anymore. The realization and fear of the fact that our relationship and trust might have been broken forever went off like a bomb in my head. The balcony felt like it was spinning, rapidly picking up speed by each lap.

''Yeah alright, so I was there, but it was all Dai…'' No matter how mad I was at him, I couldn't let Daichi take the blame. He didn't deserve it, after all he had only tried to help in his own, mysterious way. ''I mean…''

''_Yes?'_'

Every word he spoke stung like poisonous needles piercing me as easily as if I had been wet paper. I wanted to rip off my ears so badly, never would I have expected that the voice I loved so much would have been so wonderful to just block out for a moment.

''I just… you and…'' I tried desperately to find the right words but they wouldn't come to me no matter how much I begged.

Kai's eyes narrowed remarkably and I could feel the tension in the air like it was cement. I knew I was pressing his patience, and soon I would endure the wrath of the Phoenix. I tried with all my efforts to find the courage of the Tiger but it was nowhere to be found.

''What's the deal with you and Tala anyway?'' I snapped and I thought I could see an almost invisible spark of surprise in the corner of his eyes. ''I mean... first you go and sleep with me, and then you go screw around with him? That's just… Sure if you love him, why not? But… why the hell would you go to bed with me?! That's not fair! To either of us! You just… I…''

He looked at me as if what I said had nothing to do with his question, and this only agitated me further. How could he stand there like nothing? Or was something actually going on behind that expressionless face of his? Or was he simply the cold bastard everyone said he was? Had I fallen in love with someone who wasn't even there?

''Just tell, me, Kai! What the hell are you up to?''

''That's none of your business.''

''None of my business?! None of my freakin' business?! Oh, then tell me Oh Great One, what the hell is my goddamn business anyway?! Spreading my legs whenever you feel like a horny bastard?''

I could have dropped dead right that moment . This was all going out of hand, out of line and out of the realms of sanity. My heart seemed to have been cut opened and started pouring out every little crumble of emotion that had slumbered inside of me. Right that moment I could have jumped off the balcony without hesitation. The only thing holding me back from doing just that, was the bewitching look in his eyes. I had never seen something so beautiful, and still I wished for it to go away, to stop hurting me so badly.

He was quiet for a while and not knowing if he was mad or what the hell he was, was even worse than not knowing where the two of us stood. Who was I in his life? What role did I play? Did I even want to know?

''What Tala and I are doing is none of your business and you would be wise to stay out of it. I don't know what the hell you are rambling on about but you're starting to sound like a hormone ruled teenager! You have no right to do what you just did today and I should kick you out of this apartment if it wasn't for the fact that I can't.''

''Stings, doesn't it? To want to do something but not being able to, because the situation is not within your limits to handle! I hope you're fucking happy, Kai. I hope you really are! Because I certainly am not and… Just tell me why, damnit!''

Kai sighed slightly, as if tired of the conversation. I was too. I was tired of all of it.

''Just what did you expect, Rei?'' he sighed deeper this time while he ran a hand through his wild hair.

That moment he seemed so worn out, and yet so angry.  
Just like me.

''Well, I don't know! Something, _any_thing! Like, what about '_You had me at hello'_?''

I admit it, I was desperate now. But I didn't care about what I said, I just wanted him to know. I wanted him to know everything.

''You didn't have me at hello.''

''Exactly! When did I have you, then?!''

''That's the thing, Rei. You never did.''

That was it. That was all there was to it. There was nothing more to ponder, nothing left to think and worry and wonder about. And he had said it so calmly, so simply as if it was something he did every day. If there had been a light in the world, it was certainly put out by his words. It stung like nothing had ever stung before and I just couldn't take it. I couldn't even speak. I couldn't even look at him.

I didn't even notice when he left.

**X**

Hillary gave me a scrutinizing look while she scanned me with her brown eyes. Immediately finding something wrong with my outfit for about the fifth time, she ripped the piece of clothing off and made me try on a new one. I sighed inwardly; this had been going on for the last two hours. We had gone from black to red to white to a very hideous shade of orange, and back to black again. She yelled at me for cutting my hair, claiming it made it impossible to get any clothing to look good on me. I tried to ignore her the best I could, but it was getting harder by each minute.

The woman herself had put on a tight, black skirt and a very much buttoned up pink blouse, brushed and styled and sprayed her hair and applied layer after layer of make-up, only to wash it off and do it all over again. After three hours of occupying the bathroom while Tyson was desperately begging and yelling at her to open up and let him pee which she of course declined, she emerged looking like a mix of a Holiday Whore and a School Girl. I had no idea what to tell her when she asked me how she looked, so I just nodded and gave her a hesitating thumbs-up. After which she accused me of being a bad gay person who didn't seem to know squat about fashion. I didn't even bother to answer her.

Then, after Tyson had left the bathroom looking slightly nauseous by the steaming clouds of perfume Hillary had left behind her, she threw me in there just so she could style my hair. This process went on for another hour or so before she simply gave up and let it be as it was.

Yes, as you might have guessed by now todnight was _the night_. The night when we were supposed to go out clubbing. I dreaded this rather greatly, but all my complaints only got shot down by her oh so extreme feminine charm.  
Daichi was still cross with me and spent most of the day and oncoming evening playing videogames with Sammy, while Max tried to drag a conversation out of Kai that involved more than three sentences. He succeeded with four.

''Well. I give up. You're a fashion disaster.'' She sighed deeply and with an annoyed look upon her heavily painted face.

I got pushed before the mirror without as much of a choice, and to be honest I was quite shocked. My hair was kind of messy but in a pretty good looking way, if I may say so myself. The wine-red shirt sat neatly onto my figure and the black pants I had got thrown at me fit like they were made for me only. I looked a bit pale and my eyes weren't exactly shining with exasperation, but I thought I didn't look that bad at all. To be honest, it might even have been the best I had looked for eternities.

Spraying some weird cologne on me and throwing my jacket in my face, Hillary decided it was time to go.  
As we struggled putting on our shoes I saw Tyson's face in the corner of my eye sticking up from behind the sofa, grinning widely.

''Don't knock someone up, buddy! That means you too, Hill.'' He sniggered and I had to drag the woman out of the apartment to keep her from ripping his head off.

**X**

I hate standing in line. I really and utterly hate it. Sure, it's a good way to train your patience, but it is so extremely boring. Not to mention annoying. Sure, I can stand on a pole for hours in the middle of a lake without going mad, but standing in a line with drunk and loud jerks in the middle of winter while trying not to look too uncool to be let into the place, is a challenge for even the calmest person in the world. I can't really remember who or how many stepped on me and how many times I had to duck to get out of the grasp of some already drunk and horny person's grasp. It was like a madhouse. A complete and most terrifying Looney Bin.

Well, congratulations, Kon. You're finally where you belong.

Hillary added another layer of lip gloss with her hand sized pocket-mirror in a firm grasp, looking like she had done this many times before. For some reason, it felt odd being out alone with her. I mean, the woman was clearly insane, and I was clearly emotionally unstable. The chances for this night to end up well weren't exactly looking good.

Suddenly a very familiar and very awful sound cut through the chilly air as Hillary's cell phone rang. She quickly fished it out of her purse and flipped it open, answering with a slightly irritated voice.

''What do you want, Tyson?''

She listened quietly for a moment, her facial expression changing rapidly from slightly annoyed to murderous fury. Then she laughed in an odd and psychopathic way which really unsettled me, grunted and then drew in a sharp breath.

''Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna let myself be seen on town with you! Oh, you _know_ what I mean! Last time I went out clubbing with you… Don't give me that crap! No! I said no!''

And thus, she continued the conversation in the same way until there were only one person in front of us in the line of doom.  
Suddenly she sighed.

''Alright. We're at _The Phantom. _Just dont screw anything up. And I'm not paying for your damn Cosmopolitans again, Granger! What the…? Hello? Hello?! The little brat hung up on me! I'm going to strangl...''

The guard gave her a suspicious look over his black sunglasses. If Gary and Spencer ever had a child, I bet it would look like that guard, all big and muscular and grumpy and with weird hair. He crossed his arms and Hillary seemed to have switched on her Sickeningly-Charming-Mode-Button.

''Oh, hi…'' she read the name-tag on his chest with the least subtlety I had ever seen. ''… Al! You wouldnt mind to let me and my friend here, inside? I mean, we are just some pretty people looking for a good time!''

When he didn't look convinced at first, she started rambling on and on about how she really liked his hair and asked what salon he went to and so on and so forth for another couple of minutes, before he got so sick of her that he nearly shoved her in through the door. I didn't need convincing to run after her, into the deep jungle of alcohol and crappy techno music.

As soon as we had gotten inside though, I instantly wanted to run out of there. The temperature was hot, stench of sweat and perfume and alcohol filling the air and nearly choking me. The floor and even the neon-colored furniture seemed to vibrate by the sheer force of the loud music. In a booth stood a DJ, looking like a king standing above his kingdom, which was of course the overfilled dance floor. The bar was packed and the people looked as if they had just jumped right out of a bad porno movie with a space-theme. I tried hard to remember how I had ended up agreeing to this, but found no acceptable reason.

Hillary grabbed my wrist and dragged me over to the bar, pushing me down onto a high and slippery bar chair. She waved demandingly at the bartender who reminded me somewhat of a Mafioso from some random Hollywood-movie. He smiled at her and I even think he winked at me.

''What is the lady's wish?'' he said with a dark and kind of seductive voice as he leaned on the counter.

''I'll have one Bellini and the gentleman here'' she patted me on the shoulder as if I was a child, or apprentice might describe the gesture more correctly, smiling widely. ''Well… what drinks do you prefer, Rei?''

''Er… I guess I'll have a J&B On the rocks.'' I said, glancing uncomfortably around me.

The bartender nodded and started pouring our drinks up, mixing and blending and doing a little trick every once in between. I wondered how much it would hurt to take one of the bottles and smash it into my head. Committing suicide in the middle of a bar didn't seem too obvious, did it?

As I noticed a creepy girl with freakishly long nails eyeing me, I turned to face Hillary in order to get my mind off where I was.

''Hillary, what did Tyson want?'' I asked curiously, curling a strand of my hair around my finger.

''Ah, not much. He wanted to ask me what bar we went to so he and the rest of the guys could join us later when he had beaten Daichi in some game.'' She said and started inspecting her nails.

A cold lump rose in my chest.

''Uh… the rest of the guys?''

''Yeah, you know, Tyson, Max and Daichi.''

I sighed in relief for the fact that Kai wasn't going to show up. But still, I was somewhat disappointed. I had hoped to see him again, since we hadn't talked since our little fight on the balcony. But at the same time it was nice not to have to face the awkwardness that would probably slither between us. I hoped Daichi wasn't still mad at me. I didn't need to have two of my old friends on my bad side.

''Who's watching Sammy then?''

''Kenny.''

''Doesn't he ever get out of the apartment? Ever?''

Hillary shook her head and watched as the liquor danced around in her glass as the bartender made it ready. The sweet golden color of the champagne and the exotic, light orange of the juice blended into a nice swirl that looked somewhat like a sunset. He gave her the drink and she smiled sweetly at him, taking a small sip before she turned to look at me.

''Well, no. I was trying to get him to come out a little before, but I gave up. I guess the only woman for him is going to be Dizzi.''

She sighed somewhat sadly, as if not being able to boss peoples lives around made her extremely depressed.  
With a small noise my drink was placed in front of me and I inspected it cautiously. I didn't really dare drink again so soon since my last time had been horrible. And it wasn't really that good for my health, but on the other hand, who cares about health anymore? My life was going downwards so at least I could allow myself to drown my sorrows in alcohol. Not that it's a vise decision, but I didn't want to be wise. Not that night.

''That's kind of sad.'' I said and drank a mouthful of the drink. ''Has he ever dated?''

I heard Hillary chuckle slightly.

''Not that I know of. Maybe when we split the gang up. You could always ask him if we can get you back in one piece.''

''Oh, harrrrr.''

She giggled slightly, swallowed the rest of her drink in one go and ordered another one. She seemed to be bored, and as the song changed from previous weird electronic sounds that I believe I could have made just as good in my own kitchen, changed to the same sort of electric sounds but in a faster pace and with a high pitched female singing, Hillary jerked her head up towards the DJ booth.

''This is my favorite!'' she squeaked excitedly.

I rose my eyebrows and gave her a judging look.

''You can't be serious? You actually enjoy this music?''

''Well, who doesn't?!''

''Well'' I licked my lips and looked dramatically lost in thought as to bring full power to the sarcasm in my voice. ''What about, every sane person on earth?''

She simply glared at me. Her drink was ready and she drank it all at once, frowning deviously at me.

''Well, then you must love it. Come on you sack!'' she then snarled and grabbed my shirt brutally.

''Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no! I am not going to that dance floor! No way in hell!''

I tried to fight back, grabbing the nearest chair like a lifeline but the woman managed to pull me away from it. She dragged me determinately across the floor to finally throw me into the neon lights of hell.She dusted her hands off and looked as if she had just accomplished something and was feeling very pleased with herself.

''Come on, Kon! Move those legs!''

I sighed and looked at her pleadingly, trying desperately to reach into her heart and get her to let me leave. I wanted to sit and sulk, not dance, damn it!

But she would have none of that and as soon as the song sped up even more, she started to do some sort of grinding-like dance against my back. I had no idea of what to do. It felt like being a stone and trying to fly with a pack of eagles. I was completely out of place and I didn't even try to hide it. With a look of panic and despair in my eyes I looked around myself for a gap in the wild, slithering, sweating ocean of human, dancing bodies through which I could flee. Although, chances were I would get lost in that mass of meat and heat and be swallowed like as if it had been a black hole. Did I dare to take the chance?

Hillary getting her leg humped by some greasy guy convinced me in a second. So I took a giant leap and went for it.  
Now, sliding in between people isn't as easy as it may sound. It was as if the moment I got near someone, the person instantly wanted to kill me with repulsive dance moves. At some point someone was gentle enough to kick me out of the way, and I landed with a breathtaking un-graciousness on the sticky floor.

This night sucked.

I crawled my way over onto the bar and growled at the counter as I somehow managed to hit my head on it.  
I glanced up at the bartender who tried to surpress an amused smile.

''Vodka. Pure and a hell of a lot. And keep them coming!''

**X**

I couldn't remember my name. Things had somehow lost their shapes and chairs had started talking to me with funny accents. Or at least I thought they did, it could have been me doing the talking but it was hard to tell. I couldn't remember how much vodka I had actually had, or what Hillary looked like, but I was enjoying myself quite a bit. Daichi had arrived half an hour ago and was currently being thrown over a table buy some guy who's girlfriend he had been hitting on. Tyson was having no success on the dancefloor, looking like a complete failure in all that can be called dancing. I don't even know if you could call his clumsy, embarrassing moves 'dancing'. It was more like moving bodyparts with the least grace and finesse and style as possible.

Max was having a conversation with some nice young lady a set of chairs away from me over a soda, for some reason I could not think of but I suspected it all had to do with something, or someone, that rhymed with 'ammy'.

For my part the evening had been somewhat unenventful. I had drunk some drinks, thrown up, drunk some more, thrown up again and then drunk another round of liquor while sloppily trying to shove peanuts into my mouth and failing with several inches. No one had made a move on me, no one had asked to dance with me and no Kai had been seen. I knew he weren't going to show up, but a guy can never stop hoping, now can he?

As I heard a loud yelp that might have come from Daichi, I sighed and started wobbling my way out of there, pushing some people over in the process.

''Oh, Rei. Rei, Rei, Rei. Schtuuuupid Reeeei!'' I murmured to myself as I stood in the cold of the night.

It didn't seem that cold outside, but it was probably only the Vodka talking. The snow seemed like one mass of milky cream around me, floating and twinkling. I made an amused sound as I saw my breath becoming steam in the air, trying to put it in my pocket and being extremely disappointed when I realized, after about five minutes of trying, that I couldn't.

So I continued walking, dragging my feet across the sidewalk while trying to figure out why the hell everything was spinning so much and why the street lights seemed to wobble. I let out a loud burp and rubbed my fists against my closed eyes, trying to pull myself together. Since I failed this too, I decided to go with the flow.

''Schtuuupid Rei! Why're you going outschiiiide? You geh loooscht!''

I couldn't find my way around the town in a sober state of mind, and I didn't even dare think about where I would end up when I was drunk. Pushing these worries aside I kept on walking, trying to whistle but my tongue just didn't want to do as I told it to.

''Why I drinkin' anehway? 'S not like ah'll … nuthin'll geh… nnn… Zschebra…''

I suddenly burst out in a violent but sloppy laughter, having to bend over against a liamp post to keep myself from falling over. I didn't know what was so funny or why I couldn't stop laughing, but it must've been good.  
Then as I had not really suspected, my knees gave and I fell flat on my butt into the deep snow. This only caused me to laugh even more. Abruptly I burst out in horrible singing.

I must have been really out of it because I didn't hear anyone come up from behind me. Normally I would have, since the snow crunched loudly under your feet when you walked somewhere. I didn't even notice the shadow standing over me until someone poked me in the back with a rough finger.

I looked u with unfocused eyes only to see the contures of something pale and purple.

''Hullooooooo!'' I said with a slow and dragged out voice.

The violet blur above me didn't move at first, but then without any warning, pulled me to my feet with impressive force. I wobbled a little but got caught by two strong arms, squeezing me against a warm and equally strong chest. I thought I felt the beating of a heart from somewhere, if it was mine or the stranger's I didn't know. But it felt sort of good. I started wondering who this stranger might be. Could it possibly be that it was Kai? Did I dare to even think the thought?

''Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Whiskers.'' a cold and quite scary voice rung in my ear, warm breath tickling my skin.

I frowned in confusion.

''Mr. Whischkers? Who'sch that?''

''My, my. You seem to be rather drunk. What kind of irresponsible behavior is that?''

''Errr…''

''I thought the great Rei Kon would know better. He, if anyone!''

I thought I could detect a slight sarcasm in the voice, but Ididnt dare do trust my senses so I just decided that the owner of the voice was friendly.

''Who'sche Rei Kon?''

The voice grunted.

''Man, you're really out of it.''

''Out of what? Did I drop schmtin?''

My words were so inaudible and sloppy I could barely understand them myself. This stranger had to be a really patient guy to be able to stand up with me. How long had we been standing there, anyway?

''Only your mind, I bet.''

''Oh, I know that song!'' I shouted and before he could stop me, I had started singing again.

My voice came out high pitch and un-even, faltering and rising at various points throughout the song which I had forgotten the lyrics to. Apparently it must have been insufferable, seeing that he shut me up by shoving his tongue into my mouth.

Wait… what?

The tongue rolled around in my mouth, tickling me and teasing me, tasting me as if trying to swallow me whole. Warm breaths pressed against my lips, an extreme tingling feeling in the depths of my stomach. A hand found its way into my ruffled hair, pulling at it until it hurt. I felt his other hand fiercely stroke my back, rising to my neck then lowering to my chest and then sinking lower and lower and lower. He bit my lip hungrily while pressing my body hard against his, as if trying to crush me.

It felt good. It felt more than good, actually. It felt great. It was a different sort of kiss than I had ever had before. It was fierce, as if burning into me, brutal as if trying to consume me and at the same time tempting, as if telling me to kiss back.  
So I did.

It was like dancing tango, a wild dance of passion and lust and an awful lot of sexual tension. Which was when I realized, this wasn't Kai.

I tried to pull back but he refused to let me go, holding me against him with all his strength. I immediately went on instincts and aimed a sharp kick that must have hit him, because afterwards he let go with a loud yell. I stumbled backwards at the sudden lack of restraint, having to steady myself against the lamp post I had previously clung to.

I squinted with my eyes and could barely make out his tall figure stumble around in what I assumed was pain. He looked so, so familiar, and yet I couldn't really place him. Until his eyes met mine.

''B... bryan?''

I will never forget those lavender eyes, so empty of emotion other than true sadistic pleasure. No matter how drunk, I will never, ever forget that glare.

''Took you long enough to figure out.'' He spat and the next thing I new he had swung at me.

His fist hit my jaw hard and the sheer force of it knocked me off my feet. The pain that pulsated through my jawbone was infuriating, and without a moment of hesitation I kicked him with a sweep of my leg. He growled at me, aimed a hateful kick that struck me brutally in my stomach. All breath abandoned me, my heart pounding as if it was a bomb about to explode. I hissed between gritted teeth which were covered in metallic tasting blood. He kicked me a few times more in the back and the chest and once even the face, and as I saw his foot aiming at my head once again, I braced myself for the final impact.

But it never came.

Stars dancing across my eyes, like white dots of light in an old and tattered movie, I squinted up through my blood-stained hair. I culd hear kicking and punching, but it wasn't me who got to take the blows, it sounded like this time it was Bryan's turn.  
Finally the gasping, panting, cursing and hitting stopped and the area was covered in a tense but calm layer of silence. The cars sounded distant to my ears, as did everything else. I couldn't even feel the cold snow underneath. All I could feel was the pain, the blinding, cruciating, mind-numbing pain.

A pair of crimson eyes looked down at me and as I met their gaze my heart beat louder. Strong arms picked me up once again, but this time I knew they didn't belong to the lavender Blader. This time I recognized the smell of the shirt which my head rested upon and the sound of another beating heart calmed me. And as I closed my eyes and dozed off to unconsciousness, I snuggled into his warmth, feeling safe.


	9. Chapter 8

I like the word 'eight'. It's nice.

Okay, so I don't know how long a zoo's open and if there even are any around but, what the hell. Let's pretend, shall we?  
This chapter is.. I dunno if it's that action packed, but things happen. I was planning to add more to it, but I figured it'd go better with the next chapter. Errrrr... what else is there to say?  
I was going to write John Silver as a cigarette brand but I think that's a Swedish mark, so I went with Lucky Strike and I don't know how much you chare people for cigarettes in America so I just went with something. And, uh, well... By the by, isn't 'cruciating' a word? And guys, you gotta tell me if there's any OOCiness in here. And I dunno, maybe the end's a bit confusing. We'll see.  
Thank you so much for reading and...

ENJOY! (**and review. **I know you want to. You can't resist me!)

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Eight**

**X**

_The room was dark, damp and cold. It was as if something had crawled into the air and died, a foul smell reaching my nostrils. The air was cold and my breath turned into ice as I let it out. It was so quiet my heartbeats echoed in the emptiness. The loneliness seemed to climb up the walls. It was as if it hung in the roof, looking down on me, prowling and waiting for its time to strike. A familiar feeling was born out of my mind, running through my body as a man walks through the corridor that is leading him towards the Electric Chair. I knew this feeling, I had felt it many times in my life and there had always been someone to comfort me, to help me conquer it. I had always left it behind feeling stronger and prouder. But this time I was alone. The feeling smothered me bit by bit, pressing its cold, thin fingers into my veins and muscles and whispering horrible tales in my ear._

_This was the feeling of fear._

''_Hello?''_

_My voice bounced around the walls like a rubber ball. Echoing, repeating itself and I was surprised by the hollowness of my voice. I sounded so sad, so empty. Where was I? How did I get there? Was there anyone around?  
The place seemed so familiar but yet so alien. It felt like a part of me that I had forgotten, that lingered on inside of me waiting for its turn to reign._

''_Heeeelloo? Is there anyone there?'__'_

_I started walking, slowly and hesitating. I was afraid of what might jump out from behind the corners of the dark. I was afraid of what memories lurked for me._

''_Rei?'' a voice suddenly broke the silence like a bullet._

_My breath caught in my throat. Someone had answered, someone was there._

''_Who's… who's there?'' I stuttered, the fear only increasing._

_A figure emerged from the shadows, a dark form only detectable because it was slightly brighter than the darkness around us. A strong aura emerged from the person and hit me like a shockwave, filling me with warmth and familiarity and dread at the same time. A knot formed in my chest and my thoughts swirled around inside my head. Finally, the figure got close enough for me to see a face, and two piercing eyes staring at me._

''_Kai…'' I stated flatly but surprised and he looked at me with hatred._

''_You're worthless, you know that?''_

_His words cut through me like a blade, an axe of despite and hurt cutting me in half. I swallowed a breath of anxiety, staggering towards him. I didn't know what to do, so I let my feelings control me. I reached out to touch him, but my hand grasped nothing as his form dissolved around the part where my fingers were. I tried to caress his skin but it disappeared under my touch. As if being forbidden fruit, close enough to want but too far away to grasp._

''_What… what do you mean?'' I whispered, my voice frail and thin._

''_You're nothing to me. You don't belong in my world. You're not enough, you never were.''_

''_Kai, what are you talking about?''_

_His eyes were cold and hateful, dangerous and alarming. I tried to look away but I just couldn't. I felt like a mosquito looking at a lamp. I was going to burn myself if I got too close, and yet I couldn't run away. But I was tired of running, it seemed as I had been running far too much already._

''_I'm talking about you, about us! We could never work, you know that. You're too pure. Too…''_

_He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, making a few strands fall into his face. His strong, beautiful, delicate face. I barely kept myself from screaming. __What was going on?_

''_Kai…''_

''_Stop. __Don't say my name.''_

''_Kai...''_

''_Stop it! Just shut up, Rei! __God, just shut the hell up!''_

_His tone rose and leaped at me, hitting me back with a force I had never experienced in any punch. He could have hit me, kicked me or even shot me, but it would never hurt as bad as that. His whole being oozed hostility. I narrowed my eyes suddenly, gritted my teeth and bared my fangs. I could feel my eyes turning into burning flames of anger._

''_What the hell have I ever done to you?!'' I shouted and it angered me that he didn't even flinch. ''Why don't you love me? Why can't you even talk to me anymore? What did I do? __Was it something I didn't do? __Could I have… could I have changed anything?!''_

_He sniggered slightly with a tone of mockery. He averted his eyes to a corner of the dark, pondering. When he looked at me again he returned my angry glare with double force._

''_You couldn't have done anything, you never could and you never will! Just let it go. You're nothing to me, Rei. __Nothing.''_

_I couldn't believe my ears. __I didn't want to believe. His words couldn't possibly be true.  
My body started trembling violently, my fists clenching until the skin on my knuckles burst, blood pouring out of them like sins out of a liar. The anger blended into the fear, producing a force so violent and so insanely resentful, maybe even regretful, that I couldn't hold it in for all the love in the world._

''_Fuck off, Kai! __Fuck off!'' I swung at him, as I had expected my fist went right through him, hitting nothing. ''Fuck the hell off!''_

_I hid my face in my hands, shaking, sobbing, everything was spinning. I was losing my head, losing my mind, losing my heart._

''_You son of a bitch'' I cried. ''You son of a bitch! I wish I never met you!''_

_He looked at me with complete indifference, like my words hadn't even touched him. I glared at him fiercely, trying to hurt him with my sheer willpower. He sighed again and shook his head slightly._

''_The feeling is mutual.''_

_And just like that, he disappeared._

''_Wait…'' I croaked. __''Wait! Kai! Kai don't go! Don't leave me here! Kai! __God damn it, Kai!''_

_But my cries went unheard, swallowed by the shadows and the darkness and the anger subsided, the fear taking over me completely. I submerged to it, allowed it to play around with my mind. My heart beat louder and louder and louder until it beat so loud the shadows shivered. My head hurt but I couldn't make it stop. I couldn't do anything but scream._

_So I screamed and I screamed at the top of my lungs, my screams amplifying for every time they hit the walls. But no matter how high I cried there was no response. He was gone._

''_Kai! Come back, Kai! Kai! KAI!''_

I awoke with a horrified, blood chilling scream. Sweat lay like a second skin on me, my hands grasping the sheets for dear life. I could feel myself shaking violently, my pulse pounding in my ears. I screamed again, louder this time. Panic clung to me like a parasite. Not knowing where I was, I looked around myself desperately, trying to find something familiar. There were no shadows in the room, only bright, brilliant light.

I fell back into bed sheets, whimpering weakly. It had only been a dream. An awful, hateful dream.  
I sighed in relief.

Suddenly a door slammed open and made me jump in surprise. Startled I turned my eyes towards the door, seeing Hillary, Tyson, Max and Daichi crowding on the doorstep. They stared at me with wide, scared eyes.

''What the hell is going on?!'' Tyson screamed horrified and looked around the room as if trying to find something that could have assaulted me.

I blushed, feeling slightly embarrassed but still in shock from the dream. I scratched the back of my head and averted my stare towards the cover of the bed. I was apparently lying on a white, uncomfortable bed in a small, white and obscenely clean room that smelled of chlorine. Next to me was a weird machine making odd bleeping noises and bandages sat tight around my chest which hurt when I moved. Actually, when I thought about it, my whole body ached quite a bit. The worst ache was in my face which also felt a bit swollen.

''I… er… I…'' I stuttered, not really knowing how to explain myself. I didn't wan them to laugh at me.

''Are you in pain?'' Max asked worriedly.

If I had been in a cartoon a light bulb would have lit up above my head.  
''Yes!'' I said a bit too excitedly. ''Yes, that's it! A great deal of pain! Lots of unbearable, insufferable, horrifying pain!''

Hillary rushed to my bedside with wide, watery eyes. She threw herself at me with a loud shriek of pity.

''Oh, you poor thing!'' she cried and squeezed me so hard I though my neck would snap. ''Tyson! Go get some painkillers!'' she roared at the Japanese, who left without as much as an argue.

Hillary hugged me tighter, not letting go until Max dragged her away from me. Daichi came leaping across the floor and stood at the other side of my bed, poking my face.

''Ouch!'' I yelped as he poked harder.

''Does it hurt?'' he said and Hillary glared at him.

''Of course it hurts, you dope!'' she snarled.

''Well, how should I know?!''

''He's in a hospital!''

''So?''

''What do you mean 'So'?!''

Max waved his arms between them.

''Guys, guys! Stop it! We're in a hospital, calm down.''

Daichi and Hillary glared challengingly at each other but eventually calmed down. The brunette stroke my hair comfortingly, like a mother whose child had just been badly hurt, which reminded me that I was in fact, patched up in a bed. I couldn't remember a second of the previous night, which could have had something to do with the whole thing.

''Uhm… guys…'' I said and they all looked at me with worried faces. ''Why am I here?''

They gave me judging looks, like I had just said something stupid. Which I sort of had I mean, who doesn't remember why they're in a hospital? I had been rather drunk the previous night, though. A blackout wasn't really that unexpected.

Hillary put a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow.

''How much did you drink anyway?''

''Err… I…''

''Don't remember?''

''Err... no.''

''What the..? I leave you alone for half an hour and you get completely smashed?! What is wrong with you?!''

Her shrill voice made my head ring. Obviously I had a hangover to top it all off. What a nice day. Life was really going well for me. How peachy!

''For half an hour?'' I laughed bitterly. ''I had to run away from that dance floor and then I sat all night by myself!''

''Well, what a fun party animal you are!''

I narrowed my eyes, getting more irritated by the minute.

''Look, I didn't want to go, now did I? You basically dragged me along!''

''You could have said something!''

''I did! But you didn't listen!''

Her mouth got awfully thin in a second. Her forehead wrinkled in annoyance and her eyes glaring daggers. Finally she snorted at me and stuck her nose in the air.

''Well, excuse me for trying to lighten you up! I can see I'm not wanted here. If you need me I'll be by the coffee machine!''

And with that, she turned her feet and left with loud, angry steps, slamming the door shut after her. Max and Daichi stared at the door with puzzled frowns. Both of them looked tired, big, black circles due to lack of sleep hanging under their eyes like nasty rashes. Daichi's hair was ruffled and he smelled slightly of alcohol, like he had come straight from the bar and hadn't had the time to wash up yet. Max just looked tired and pale, exhausted even.

''Hey'' I said. ''Where's Sammy?''

''I called Jo to come over and look after him so I could come here. Apparently her gig in DC got canceled.''

''What? Why?''

I had only met Jo once, but that was enough for me to like her. She was a kind person, the sort of mother every child dreams of. She cared for strangers and had managed to climb through her career without getting shallow and snobby like so many other singers did. Jo was just that kind of girl you would love to hate.

''Someone on her crew got sick or something. It happens from time to time, nothing big. At least she can spend a little time with me and Sammy now.''

Daichi looked bored to tears, and for some reason he was glaring at Max. If the two had been having a fight I didn't know about, I would certainly want to know as soon as possible!  
Gossip, you can't live with it and you can't seem to go through life without it.

''Max…'' I said and was careful not to stomp on any toes. ''Do you still… like Jo?''

He gave me a funny look that I couldn't really tell what it meant. Then, he gave me one of his heartwarming, boyish smiles.

''Nah. I mean, I still care for her. I mean, we went out for five years. So yeah, I care about her a lot. But no, I'm not interested in her like that.''

I nodded slightly. Envy caught me and I found myself angry at Max for what he had just told me. How come he could be such good friends with his ex when Kai couldn't even manage to have a decent conversation with me? What was wrong with the former captain?

Max yawned and stretched his back with closed eyes. He looked so tired it hurt to look at him.

''I'm gonna go grab some coffee with Hill, if that's alright with you, Rei? Hardly got any sleep last night.''

I gave him a tired smile.

''Sure, go ahead. I won't go anywhere.''

He chuckled halfheartedly at me then left the room quietly.  
As soon as he had left Daichi looked at me with a meaning stare. I returned the look with a curious expression, not sure I wanted to know what was on his mind.

''What?'' I said when he had been staring at me for a minute or so. I was tired and in pain, I just wanted to go back to sleep and forget the past days had ever happened.

''You know… that person I told you about that I liked and who you would help me to get together with if I helped you with Tala and Kai?''

Oh, yeah, how could I forget? Like the plan had worked out. But still, I had promised him and it wasn't as if I was going to ask him to help me more. I was a lot of things, but I was not going to be the one breaking promises.  
I sighed for what felt like the millionth time.

''Yeah, what about that person?''

He looked uncomfortable, turning his body slightly. The object of his interest must be someone awkward if it deserved such a reaction from the wild tempered man.

''It's… well.. it's…''

He looked as if trying to find the right words, but since they didn't come to him I decided to find them for him.

''Is it Tyson?''

His mischievous eyes widened greatly. A pure look of horror lay across his face and he gaped at me as if I had just suggested something very, very, very wrong.

''Are you out of your freakin' mind?! Tyson?! Dude, ew, no! No way in hell! That's just gross! _Dude!_''

I chuckled at his reaction. It wasn't really that hard to imagine the two of them, was it? They were always at each others throats, always arguing and fighting and competing. And you know what they say; love always starts with war.

''Dude, it's not funny!'' he snapped and I tried to keep myself from laughing, but I just couldn't.

''Then who is it?'' I smiled and he gave me a death glare.

''It's…''

''Yeeees?''

''Ehhh...''

''Come on, Daichi! Who is it?''

''It's... it's...''

''Max?''

''No!''

''Kenny?''

''What the hell's wrong with you?! No!''

I raised my eyebrows disbelievingly.

''Is it… Hillary?''

He looked completely freaked out by the question as he stumbled backwards and almost fell over the weird bleeping machine in by the bed. He wobbled around in shock for a while, and when he had regained his pose he looked at me as if I was the sickest, most stupid person he had ever met.

''You're completely mad! Why would I ever like that witch?!''

''Well, then who is it? It…'' my voice dropped several degrees as I narrowed my eyes at him. ''If it's Kai I'm going to kill you, you know that, right?''

He waved his hand dejectedly at me with a snort.

''No, it's not that ass. It's…''

I should get a medal for the effort it required for me to not jump him for calling Kai an ass. Which was the truth, but still, no one gets to talk like that about him!  
Then realization hit me like a vault dropped from the sky.

''Oh my god! Is it…'' I lowered my voice to a whisper, afraid anyone outside the room would hear me. ''Is it… Jo?''

He nodded in shame.

''Do you have any idea how stupid that is?! It's Max's ex!'' I shrieked, hysteria rising in my throat.

''Well, so? They're not going out anymore! They haven't been for two years!''

''But Daichi! It's… Max… he'll be crushed, don't you realize that?''

He snarled and raised his arms defensively in the air.

''Well, he should have thought about that before they broke up! He had his chance. Are you going to help me or not?''

I pinched the bridge of my nose, my headache had gotten worse. Helping Daichi to hook up with Jo was not only a very bad idea, it was also a very impossible one. He was far to childish and hyperactive, nothing like Max. And even if Max and Jo weren't together anymore, it could still be a sore spot for the blonde. I mean, they had a kid together and they had been going out for five years before they broke up! I wouldn't like it if someone hit on my ex-fiancée. The pair was planning to get married before they split up for whatever reason that I hadn't bothered to know about. I couldn't possibly help Daichi getting Jo do date him, now could I?  
But still, I had promised.

I growled annoyed and glanced at the readhead who barely reached up to eyelevel, and I was even lying down.

''Give me one good reason.'' I said.

Daichi looked at me determinedly.

''You owe me.''

He stared at me for minutes, the silence stretching between us. His eyes were determined, demanding and maybe even a little bit pleading. This was serious for him. He actually wanted this girl so bad that he was willing to ask me, the biggest failure of love to ever be born, for help.

''Are you sure about this, Daichi? I mean, if this is just another fling, then you got to tell me. But if this is for real…''

''It is for real, Rei! Please! I really like her.''

''You've only met her once.''

''Yeah, so? Please! I promise, I'll never help you with yor lovelife ever again if you just do this for me!''

I raised my eyebrows disbelievingly. Helping Daichi with something sounded harmless, but it felt like death. I didn't know Jo that well, but still she seemed like the person you didn't want to expose to Daichi. The man was a child at heart and more so a child in mind, this could all go so terribly wrong.  
Eventueally, I sighed.

''Alright, alright! I'll help you, just… just how are we supposed to go through with this?''

Daichi's grin was so huge I thought his face would burst. He practically beamed with delight.

''So here's the plan; tell her nice things about me, you cook a fantastic meal, rig the apartment to look nice and romantic and crap, chase the others out of the place and make Jo go there!''

''What… wait.. what?!''

''Thanks a bunch, Rei! See ya!''

And just like that, he left.

**X**

The corridor seemed endless, narrow doors and openings leading towards more narrow corridors filled with stressed out doctors. From time to time a nurse would run by, looking extremely tired, or a patient would stroll over to kick at the coffee machine before reluctantly being led back to his or her room. The lamps were a lot brighter than in my room, outside the afternoon sun was shone brightly. A cloak of dread and agitation lingered in the air and I couldn't help but feel quite depressed. And all I had been doing was loitering around in a corridor for two minutes.

Max and Tyson had gone home to sleep, now that they knew that I was alright. Hillary was still pissed so I guessed she had gone shopping or something, and Kenny seemed to have fallen asleep on one of the benches in the corridor. I stared at him for a while, wondering how he put up with it all. He didn't seem to have any friends or a girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever he preferred, and nothing to do except tap away on Dizzi all the time. Also, he looked like he could use a shave, a three day beard stubble visible on his chin. All in all, he did look rather peaceful where he was leaning over Dizzi's screen, snoring softly, glasses askew and hair a little ruffled.

I dragged my feet towards the coffee machine and stared blankly at it. The surface was blank but tattered, black and inviting me with all the shiny buttons and exclusive names of coffee printed on it, to want to put all my life savings into it. I realized I didn't have any money, due to the fact that I was wearing a hospital gown which was feeling rather chilly in my lower areas, and banged my head against the machine with a snarl.

I could have woken Kenny up and asked him, but it didn't feel right. Stupid conscience.  
I would just have to smoke instead.

So I went back to my room and grabbed my jacket, went down the great amounts of stairs, plowed my way through the crowds of visitors and coughing elders and bleeding youths and angry nurses, earning myself to be accidentally splattered with a freshly made cup of coffee from a running doctor. After screaming in agony for the burning hot liquid on my chest, I sighed and fastened up my pace. Soon I was outside and the cold was a blessing to my chest. A light wind blew through the area and left me shivering, fishing up a cigarette. After I had lit it I took a deep drag and felt completely calm. A part of my headache disappeared and I leaned comfortably against a pillar which supported the entrance.

I watched the smoke curl towards the sky like a little baby snake, silently thinking about nothing special at all. It was quite nice, actually. Maybe whatever happened yesterday helped me clear my head.  
I swore mentally as the silence was broken by someone coming out of the hospital, stopping just a step away from me.

I thought the person would leave, but when he or she didn't, I turned my head with a sigh to see if he or she wanted something.  
I dropped my cigarette and choked on the smoke I had currently drawn into my lungs, eyes so wide they almost felt like they were going to escape from my head.

Kai gave me a sideway glance as he stood there, looking stoic and calm. I coughed violently, cleared my throat and looked curiously at him. Should I say something? Should I wait for him to talk to me? Should I just put my tail between my legs and run for it?

''How are you feeling?''

Oh, my god. I couldn't believe it! Kai had just spoken! He had taken the first step, and he had actually been nice to me. Was this a dream? Had I endure too high dozes of morphine?

''I…'' I stuttered, fumbling after a new cigarette just to have a distraction of sorts. ''I don't know. I feel… woozy and it kinda' hurts and stuff.''

He nodded. ''Bryan beat you up pretty good.''

I stopped suddenly in my cigarette-fishing. My head felt all clogged, as if all motion in the universe had stop. I hoped my ears had betrayed me, but then logic overwhelmed me. It was likely to be true, I mean, Bryan is a monster. I was drunk; I probably went strolling around somewhere. Oh lord, what did I do?

''He… he did?'' I glanced worriedly at Kai.

He raised his eyebrows and studie me with his eyes, like he didn't believe me at first.

''You mean you don't remember?''

I shook my head.

''No, no I had been… drinking… a little.''

Kai grunted, staring off into space. I bent my head in shame and lit the new cigarette, the earlier calm feeling I had gained from the scene was as if it had been eaten by a giant penguin.

''Hn.''

I sighed deeply once again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

''How did I get here, then?''

''I found you.''

Now surprise really got the better of me. I had expected some of the others, maybe Hillary, to be the one to have found me, but Kai? What on earth had he been doing outside? In the middle of the night, I might add! And how come I had the luck of him being at the right place at the right time?

''Why?'' I croaked, not able to focus my mind on anything and therefore, intelligent sentences would not be available for the following minutes or so.

He looked at me with a funny twinkle in his eyes, so I took it as a sign that he didn't understand what I wanted to know.

''Why did you save me?'' I said, because that's what I guessed he had done. If anyone like Bryan is beating you up, anyone to take you away from there has basically saved your life.

The lay around us and I could actually detect a ruffle of motion in his eyes. He stood there, looking almost like a person. Oh, what am I saying? Kai did have an emotional side, he just didn't ever, ever show it. I knew it was there, though, I have a hunch!

Kai looked at the great, blue sky which was painted with warm, smooth sun rays. His eyes reflected the thin clouds with shining brilliance but a slight dampness. I turned my eyes towards the sky as well.

''I was around.'' He said, and as I turned my head towards him again, he was gone.

I stared at the place that he had just been occupying and felt a small, subtle smile drag at the corners of my swollen mouth.

''Heh.'' I chuckled and closed my eyes, feeling the cold breeze caress my skin, for once feeling at ease.

**X**

Actually, I'm quite the cook. I just never got around proving it anymore since I was never in the mood and also, I hadn't had anyone to prove it to for years. Besides, cooking a fancy dinner with lit candles and a good bottle of wine for yourself feels kind of stupid. This time though, I was cooking for my friend and the woman he hoped would fall for him. How this would turn out, I didn't even want to think about. So, I put on a nice, pink apron, plundered Max's fridge and started working my magic.

After swallowing a boat load of pain killers, my mutilated face and cracked ribs were only slightly noticeable. The hospital had let me go after a lot of whining, telling me to take it easier in the future.  
The intoxicating aroma of sizzling meat and newly warmed garlic bread filled the kitchen, making my mouth water. Too bad I couldn't eat any of it myself, though.

Oh, what the hell, who could stop me?

When I let some of the sauce fill my mouth, I felt the explosion of a mental orgasm. The spices and ingredients melt together like a beautiful song, dancing across my tongue and right into my heart. It was art, a masterpiece. I was a genius!  
In the kitchen, at least.

On the table I had carefully arranged two plates with the finest silverware the household had to offer, accompanied by two breathtakingly beautiful wine glasses and two dark red candles. All of this was placed on a soft, red table cloth. Outside the dark had fallen and white, elegant snow flakes were falling from the star lit sky. The moon stood high and proud and I couldn't think of a more romantic scene no matter how hard I tried. Rei, you have truly outdone yourself.

I let out a sad sigh as I stirred the sauce and flipped the beefs over, leaning against the counter lazily. Why couldn't I get a dinner like that? Why couldn't I be the one to sit on one of those chairs with Kai on the other, sipping wine and talking through out the night? Why did life have to be so cruel to me?

I guess I only had myself to blame. Maybe if I had done something during those years with the team, maybe if I had made a move, things would be different. Maybe I should have renamed myself to Reibecca, seeing I obviously lacked a good pair of balls.

I shook my head and reminded myself of the fact that tonight was not a night that would be spent sulking. I had a perfect romantic dinner to finish.

The guys were extremely easy to lure out of the house. I simply told Max that he should take the gang to the zoo and have a little fun, luckily he agreed. Hillary on the other hand, was a little harder to convince. She wasn't too keen on the thought to spend her evening watching Tyson get hysteric over the monkeys. She also asked me why Daichi wouldn't come, but after a good three hours of pleading and agreeing to be her personal slave someday, she caved and agreed.

Jo had only agreed because she was such a nice person. I actually felt pretty bad for doing this to her, but all is fair in love and war.  
I had been told to get out of the apartment by 7 pm, and stay out of it until 10. This would give Daichi a good few hours to try to charm the singer and it was as long as Max had agreed to let his son stay up. He originally wanted Sammy in bed much earlier, but since the kid wanted to stay up longer and it was so close to Christmas and all, Max gave in.

The food seamed to be ready, so I turned down the heat of the stove, grabbed my wallet, cigarettes and jacket, put on my shoes and got out of there. The time on my cell phone showed 6:50 so I had precisely ten minutes more to spare.

The question was what the hell I was supposed to do for three hours.

**X**

As I was strolling around down the streets of New York, I though I could as well get to know the city better. I had bought a map in a convenience store and was at the moment sipping coffee from a take-away-mug, a confused frown visible across my face. The impossible seemed to have happened; I had succeeded in understanding the city even less than I had before. All the streets were so many and the city was so big, nothing made sense as the lines ran across each other on the map in my hand. I sighed and tucked it in my pocket, deciding to stroll around and if I happened to get lost it would be a perfectly good excuse to call Kai and demand that he would come to my rescue.

I had managed to kill about an hour of time or so, but walking around all night seemed extremely boring. Still, there wasn't really anything better to do, was it? Of course I could have left with the others, if it wasn't for the fact that they had left at six o'clock and I had a meal to cook.

People hurried past me one after another. It was as if being in a giant ant farm, busy and hectic. Here and there I caught glimpses of couples cuddling and holding hands and it made my heart gnaw on itself in envy. Oh, what I would have given to be one of them.

A few feet away, I saw a mother and what I assume was her daughter, looking through a store window, the child pointing at various things and the mother looking calm. That was when it struck me, that I had the perfect opportunity to go shopping for Christmas gifts. None of the others were around and I had nothing better to do, so I might as well get it done.

So I turned my steps towards a giant mall, walking around randomly inside. The warmth was overwhelming and made me sweat greatly, my breath had turned into pants. The people weren't that many, thank the Gods. Now my only problem was what I was supposed to buy the others.  
Maybe it would be easier if I made a mental list of what they preferred, and then I could buy something inspired by that.

So lets see, Tyson liked candy, Beyblade, dragons and videogames. Max was practically the same, except maybe he'd like to get something for Sammy too. Hillary seemed to prefer clothes, make-up and perfumes, while Kenny obviously wanted stuff for his computer. Daichi was also pretty much the same as Tyson and Kai… well that was the real mystery.

What could Kai Hiwatari possibly want for Christmas? I mean, the guy's rich, it's not like he lacks anything. And plus, I didn't really know that much about him. Well, he liked reading, Beyblading and art. That was all I really knew. We had shared a few things under our years as a team, so I wasn't completely clueless, but it was damn close.

I stopped suddenly, seeing a shadow in the corner of my eye. It felt as if someone was staring at me and I immediately turned around only to see no one. The people around seemed to caught up in their own shopping and talking to even notice me.  
Great, now I was starting to get paranoid.

I sighed heavily. I had to buy new cigarettes, so I might as well get that done with first of all.

I turned my pace towards the little shop between a Beyblading shop and a book store, which had a large sign saying '_Tobacco, magazines, candy, food, beer_' on it. I could go and browse for a book to buy for Kai afterwards, and then see if I could find something for Tyson and Max. Coming to think of it, maybe they all could need something to their Beyblades. Or on the other hand, maybe not. We hadn't been talking about the sport that much since we arrived, to be honest. Kai still trained but never competed anymore, the same did Max and Daichi. Tyson on the other hand, had his Blading Classes and once in a while he would attend a minor tournament, just to keep his skills up and of course, for the thrill of the fight, but no one Bladed like back in the good old days. And me? Well, I hadn't even touched my Beyblade for a long, long time. If you don't count when I packed Driger to go to New York as touching, that is.

Yes, I had brought my Beyblade to Max's place. I don't even know why, it wasn't as if I had planned on battling anyone. It just felt odd not to take him along with me. I mean, he's always been with me no matter what and since it was kind of an old Bladebreaker-reunion, then he should come too, right? And the thought of leaving my beloved tiger in Seoul was just plain scary.  
But for the moment he was lying safely tucked away in my travel bag back at the apartment, in case I got mugged or anything.

Yes, I'm very paranoid about those muggers. But come on, who wouldn't be? There was a damn good chance that they'll get to me and I didn't want to take any chances!  
Speaking of muggers, the feeling of someone watching me was back.

I glance around me while walking into the store and up to the counter, but didn't see anything. I looked at the clerk, a short man with dry skin and brown hair who looked as bored as a person can get before crawling out of his skin.

''Lucky Strike, please.'' I said and he lazily took a packet down from the counter behind him and laid it on the counter with a small thud.

''That'll be five dollars, sir.'' He grunted and I dug the money out and put them down beside the pack.

As he typed it all in into the cash register, I once again, felt that odd, scary and somewhat unsettling feeling of being watched. Then suddenly, I caught the glimpse of a shadow and immediately turned to stare at it. Before it vanished, I managed to see a part of it. My heart felt as if it was a balloon that someone had just punctured with a needle as I noticed something purple.

I blinked and the slightly purple shadow was gone, the clerk staring sleepily at me.

''That all?'' he grunted and I nodded.

''Yeah, thanks'' I said, took my cigarettes and walked out of there.

Trying to shake the feeling of being stalked, I turned to go into the book store. Maybe I'd stumble upon something nice, if I was lucky. But I didn't get that far before my cell phone rang.  
I mumbled and reached down into the pockets of my jacket, groping around trying to find it. When I had, I looked at the screen of the phone which said with small letters; _'Daichi Sumeragi'_. I grunted as I flipped the phone open and held it to my ear, gently tucking the pack of cigarettes into my jacket pocket.

''Yeah?'' I said and wondered what in the world Daichi had done to screw things up.

''_Rei!_'' I hears his voice yell with panic and frustration at such a volume that it hurt my ear.

''Hey! No need to shout! What's wrong?''

''_Rei, you need to come here, fast!_''

''Daichi, this is your date, not mine, remember?''

I sighed an scratched the back of my head tiredly.

''_That's the point! __It's all gone wrong!_''

''What do you mean 'gone wrong'? Did you get to second base and forgot how to do it or what?''

''_Rei! This is serious!_''

I actually got scared at that moment. Daichi being serious? His voice clearly indicated that something was in fact, seriously wrong. My stomach turned several times with worry as I got all kinds of pictures in my head, imagining Daichi tearing the place down or accidentally putting Jo on fire.

''Daichi, what's happened?''

''_It's Max._''

My breath stopped. Now I was seriously worried.

''Max?''

''_Rei, he knows. __He knows about the date! He took the car and left!_''

I shook my head, confusion reigning in my head.

''What do you mean? Why'd he take the car? They're at the zoo! ... Aren't they?''

A long silence followed and I heard Daichi's upset breathing. I waited patiently, my eyes darting around nervously.

''_No_'' Daichi finally said. ''_No, he's not at the zoo. He came back and… and… he's gone missing. We don't know where he is._''


	10. Chapter 9

I like the word 'nine' too. This chapter is short and pretty unenventful, but if you like Kai then, he seems to be mighty popular in this chapter. And what about Tala?  
Well, Tala will be joining in shortly. Come to think about it, he'll be in the next chapter!

For this.. well. It's kinda poorly written, but I'm really tired and stuff. Plus it's short but ah, well. And I hate spelling Hilary with one 'l' so I'll keep on spelling her as Hillary. Got any problems with that, well, you're not the only one who's having a crappy saturday. Or maybe it's sunday? I don't really know.

Oh, I love writing Kai. He's so arrogant. And I love Rei in the first season of BB. He was so ''I'm the best, screw the rest!'' but still he kinda' respected people. Ah. Blah blah.

Enjoy and review darlings. I love you for reading it, it kinda' makes my day.

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Nine**

**X**

Kai stood silent in the doorway, leaning against the frame, arms crossed and eyes closed. Inside the hallway Daichi stood pulling his hair while Hillary and Tyson were yelling both at him and each other. Kenny shifted nervously by the phone and I tried not to make too much of a sound as I stepped inside.

I had hurried my way over to the apartment as soon as Daichi had hung up, which he had to do pretty soon because Hillary had been yelling at him in the background so much that I couldn't make out what the redhead was saying. I looked at Kai to see if he had any explanation to offer, but he did nothing but ignore me. I grunted under my breath and went over to Kenny, who seemed to be the only sane member left in the gang.

''No answer.'' He sighed and put the green phone back in its cradle.

He turned to look at me and I was puzzled by the look in his eyes. He looked worried, pale and afraid. Something weird was going on and he only had to look at me for a small second before he realized I knew nothing.

''Max said he had to go get his wallet back here, because he had forgotten it in all the hectic. When we all came back we found Daichi and… and Jo…'' he ran a hand through his hair and began massaging his temples. ''He got furious, and you know he's too kind to lash out at people so he just grabbed the car keys and left. We tried calling him and he's not answering.''

I frowned worriedly. This didn't seem like Max. He wasn't one to run away from his problems, and besides, where would he go?  
I cast a glance back at the others, Tyson was trying to strangle Daichi and Kai looked as immobile as ever. Hillary was just yelling at them.  
I looked at Kenny again and he was desperately hitting the buttons on the phone. I watched in silence until he hung up once again with a sigh of defeat.

''Have you gone looking for him?'' I said and cast a glance at the kitchen clock. It was 9:30 PM. He must have been gone for at least an hour.

''No, not yet. We can't call the police until one day after his disappearance, and well… he took the only car.''

I smacked my head with a groan. I knew this would end up bad! I just knew it and still I just had to do it, didn't I? From this day on, I will never listen to Daichi ever again.  
Kenny looked worriedly at me and I shook my head tiredly.

''I have a car.'' Kai suddenly said, his face unemotional and his eyes still closed.

''You have? Where?'' Hillary said, suspicion evident in her voice and she narrowed her brown eyes towards him.

''Close enough.''

''Oh, that's just great! Why didn't you just say so sooner?!''

''It's hard to get a word in here with you yelling non stop.''

The brunette stared as if Kai had just asked her to marry him while dancing naked on her face. Hey, there's a mental image…

''What the hell is that supposed to mean?!''

''Aaaaand now you're doing it again.''

He had opened his eyes and shared a cold glare with her. I couldn't really tell since he looked so completely blank, but I think the bastard enjoyed this. His mouth was a perfectly thin line but I could see how the corner of his lips twitched slightly, barely visible.

''What is wrong with you?! Max is missing!''

''I think the whole block knows that by the way you keep shouting it at us as if it wasn't blatantly obvious.''

She looked like she could just jump at him right that moment, ready to claw his eyes out. I quickly stepped in between them, with my arms raised I looked at them both with a strained look upon my face. This was all turning ugly very qick. Someone had to do something, and it looked as if that someone just had to be me. I seemed to have a knack for landing my ass in trouble.

''Hey, hey, guys! Stop that, arguing won't help anything! Hillary, where's Jo and Sam?''

She didn't look too eager to let Kai go without as much as a scratch, but reluctantly she tore her glare away from him and fixed it upon me instead.

''Sure. Take his side.'' She snarled and I could feel my cheeks burn.

''That's not an answer, Hill.'' I said tensely, trying to look perfectly calm.

She sighed and bit her lower lip, looking like a rabid dog who someone had just shouted an order to. Her sweet exterior had been roughly pushed away by her anger.

''They're in Max's room. I didn't want them to hear me _kill Daichi._'' She glared at the redhead by the end of her sentence, but he didn't notice her because he was still busy trying not to get killed by his blue haired friend.

''Fine. Go there and I'll take the others to go look for Max. Any idea where he might be?''

''What the..?! Why are you the ones to go when I have to stay here?!''

''I don't want you killing him when we find him.''

''_If_ we find him.'' Daichi shot in, hiding behind me all of a sudden.

''Shut the hell up, you pipsqueak!'' Tyson snarled and pointed threateningly towards him.

I groaned and felt my headache increasing. I had gotten smashed like hell, got my ass beaten and my heart broken, all in the course of a few days. I was not fit for this situation. I may have been years ago, back in the good old times when I was still that stubborn, confident, arrogant, strong and proud Rei Kon that so many loved and hated me for. But I was just a kid then. This, this was serious.

As if he had read my mind, Kai cleared his throat and we all turned to look at him, like waiting for the Messiah to speak, to come with a blessing and salvation.

''Rei is right. Kenny, Rei and…'' he gritted his teeth ''_Tyson_, you come with me. Hillary, stay and yell at Daichi a little more. I think you both have some fumes to let go of.''

Tyson, still glaring, followed Kai with angry, loud steps and I knew he was only following the ex-team leader's order for the sake of his best friend. I followed the two with happy, giddy steps and dragged Kenny along with me. Daichi and Hillary were just about to protest, when I closed the door behind me.

**X**

We had been walking for about half an hour when finally we stood outside a tall, shiny apartment building. It reflected the starlight like a mirror, looking like a mighty giant that could crush us with its breath. Kenny stayed closely by me the entire time, while Tyson was marching on ahead of Kai even if the Russian was the only one among us who knew where we were actually going.

On the parking lot beneath the building stood about ten cars, all in different sizes, colors and shapes. There was a broken down old brown VW, a spotless silver Mustang and some car brands that I couldn't quite make out in the dark. Or maybe I just didn't bother too, because the Mustang had really caught my eye.

Kai took out his car keys and clicked a button and the Mustang let out a small ''_Bree-breep!''_. I stared at him, at his car, back at him again and felt my jaw drop like a rock. I was going to go in the nice car? I was going to sit in Kai's sexy, shamefully sweet ass ride?

''_Shotgun!_'' I called out without thinking and ran towards the front passenger seats door, having to work hard on restraining myself. Kai gave me a weird look.

As I waited for them to come closer I felt maybe just a little bit ashamed of myself for the fact that I was getting all excited about a stupid car when Tyson, the greatest goofball of them all, looked like he had just been diagnosed with cancer. His eyes were brooding, his shoulders slumping and his steps frantic. This must really have worked him up. But of course it had! Max was his friend! He was my friend too, so why was all I could think about that I would get to sit in Kai's stupid car?

I'm sorry car, you're not stupid! I love you!  
... What the hell am I doing?

I looked up at the apartment building in front of us, and as I did a thought struck me. Why did Kai have his car parked here instead of at Max's place? Could it be..? No, no, it couldn't! Could it?  
Could this be where Tala lived? Was this where Kai hung out all the time when he wasn't being grumpy with us?

My heart sank to the tips of my toes. Suddenly, this car wasn't as sweet as I had first thought. Feeling extremely depressed, after Kai had opened the door I slumped back in the seat with the mother of all deep sighs. If I was lucky, maybe I'd sink into the comfortable car seat and vanish forever in the smell of new leather.

Maybe I could crash the car against a wall later.

''Okay, look out your windows. We might spot him walking around, and if not I'll stop and ask people.'' Kai said as he turned the ignition, the cars engine roaring to life like a big, silver lion.

''Just go already, Kai!'' Tyson muttered from the back seat.

''Don't get smart with me Granger or you can walk the rest of the way.''

The Japanese said nothing and in silence, Kai drove the car out of the parking lot and into the night.

**X**

We had been driving around for hours, it was close to midnight and the only reason I hadn't fallen asleep was because I was desperately trying to spot a blonde head amongst all the night crawlers on the streets. I was getting more worried by the minute. To find one person in the city of New York was nearly impossible, but still Kai wouldn't give up. Tyson had gone out of the car more times than I could count, asking people if they had seen him. No one had and we were starting to lose hope. Kenny tapped away on Dizzi, trying to see if he could trace the blonde somehow. I don't know where he picked up his amazing computer skills but hey, if he could track my number in Korea down then maybe he could find Max too? Except, this wasn't about finding a simple line of digits, this was about finding one of our closest friends.

Kai hadn't spoken for the whole trip, an uncomfortable silence had been smothering the car ever since we left. I didn't dare turn on the radio, the atmosphere was so tense I just knew someone would bite my head off if I even moved.

If I was in Max's situation, where would I go? Well, first of all I would have gone to a store, bought a shameful amount of comfort food and booze and finally driven off a rock or something. Okay, so maybe I was being a bit melodramatic, but who wouldn't be?  
We had checked convenience stores and cafés and parks and streets and alleys and whatnots, and we had found nothing.

''Hey, hey guys! I think I see...!'' Kenny squeaked and rose in his seat, but then almost immediately shrunk back again. ''False alarm.''

Tyson who had looked as if filled with hope, dimmed like a blown out candle and fixed his stare out the window once again. This was going to lead us nowhere. For all we knew Max could be dead already. And yes, I was thinking about muggers, thank you very much.  
Then suddenly, a thought struck me.

''Hey, guys?'' I said and made sure everyone was looking at me. ''If Max took the car, shouldn't we be looking for that instead of Max? I mean, if we find the car, we should find him. Right?''

They looked at me as if I had just solved all life's problems, except for Kai who looked like he had already thought of it before I was even born. Tyson immediately flung up against the window, looked for cars like his life depended on it. Kenny was tapping away on his computer for all he was worth and I started looking around more closely too. My eyes swept over people and buildings, windows and parking lots as well as street corners and every place I could basically think of.

But I didn't really know much about cars and all I knew about Max's was that it was murky green (he still lacked a sense of fashion when it came to material possessions) and that it never seemed to be dirty. Plus, the inside smelled like sugar. But on the other hand, finding a murky green car shouldn't be so hard? I mean, who, other than Max, had taste that bad? I mean, I would have a tiger-striped car, with pink and furry seat-clothing as well as pink interior and it would all smell like Kai's socks.

Kidding.

No, actually, I would just have a car. That worked. Or Kai's car, it seemed pretty nice and loveable. I wonder how many times he's banged Tala into the next century in the very seat I was sitting in? I would have to ask him about that later when we had found…

''MAX!''

Kai stopped the car at Kenny's outburst and we all looked around, bewildered and Tyson somewhat desperate.

''Where?'' Kai said and peeked out the windows, looking mysterious and suspicious. It was kind of like being in an old detective-movie.

''There!''

''In the café?''

''Yes, yes!''

''Well, what are you waiting for?!''

Oh, Sherlock, I don't know. Maybe for you to stop the car?

Kai turned off the engines as he parked outside the little café at the corner of the street. As soon as he was done doing that we all threw our doors open and flew out of the vehicle. Tyson ran into the café first of all, after him came Kenny and then it was just me and Kai.

''You going to stand there all day?'' he said and I glared at him.

''Elementary, my dear Watson.'' I snarled and started off towards the café entrance, while Kai was giving me angry looks.

The café looked cosy and warm. It was dimly lit up by candles and small lamps which hung in the roof. As we entered a bell jingled on the side of the small door and I was kind of overwhelmed by the comfortable feeling the place was giving me. The air smelled of gingerbread and chocolate, every little table was occupied by customers and the staff smiled friendly at us from behind the counter. I looked around and I soon spotted a blonde mess sitting in a corner, leaning over a big cup of tea.

I waved for the others to follow and had to pry Tyson away from the counter and all the pastries it bared. Silently we had reached the table and were now all staring down at Max. His face looked puffy, like he had just cried, his eyes were half closed and unfocused and his hands were harshly entangled in his hair.

''Hey, Max'' Tyson said and placed a hand on the blondes shoulder.

Max looked up at his friend and theirs eyes locked. It felt like Max was trying to tell Tyson everything he felt about this whole day, in just one look. Somehow, I think Tyson understood.

''How's it going, Turtle?'' I said and tilted my head at him, hopefully with a kind expression on my face.

''I want to go home.'' He said and I was relieved that he wasn't angry at me for the whole thing.

''Listen, Max… I know I kind of helped Daichi but….''

''No, no. It's alright. You just wanted to help a friend, I get that. That's a part of who you used to be, and it's nice to see that Rei come out again.''

I blinked at him. Who I used to be? What Rei had come out? There was just me, what could he mean? I stared at him but couldn't puzzle the words together, so I decided to leave it at that until some other day. This was about Max, not me.

''Are you alright?'' Tyson said and kneeled down besides Max in a protective manner.

The blonde gripped the hand Tyson had placed on his shoulder with a tired sigh.

''Yeah, yeah I'm alright. I just had to clear my head. I mean, she's not mine anymore but it still…''

''It still hurts because once she was yours and you haven't gotten used to letting that go.'' I said and tried with all my willpower to not look at Kai, but a sideway glance slipped out and he caught it like he had known it was coming. I looked away immediately, fixating my eyes at Max's shoelaces.

The blonde nodded and smiled at me. I guess he was thankful we didn't bring the others along. Wow, had he been sitting at that café for hours? That was strong. I wonder how much tea he had drunk during that time.

''Er… guys…'' he said. ''I like, really need to pee and this place's toilet is out of order. Could we… get home, please?''

Kai nodded.

''You take your car and I'll take mine.'' He said and started to walk out of the café, before Tyson suddenly stopped him.

''You guys go ahead'' he said to the rest of us with a firm grip on Kai's sleeve. ''I have a few things to discuss with Kai here. We'll be out in a sec.''

Kenny and Max gave them worried looks but finally shrugged and went out of the café. I gave Tyson a suspicious look. What could the two of them possibly have to talk about?  
Kai must have thought the same thing because he didn't look at all familiar to the '_few things to discuss_' which Tyson claimed they had. What was the World Champion playing at?

But I figured I wouldn't find out by standing there, so when the two of them went outside I discretely followed them. There were times when I was glad I had the agility and the stealth of a cat, like this one when I had to sneak up on two of my best friends.  
Tyson had dragged Kai behind a big van with the café logo on it, and I smoothly hid under the car standing next to it. The fact that I would look suspiciously dirty afterwards hadn't even crossed my mind.

''Granger, what is all this about?'' I heard Kai snarl and I watched his feet stand unmovable on the asphalt.

His voice sounded strained and angry, like he was pissed-off about the fact that he didn't have the faintest idea about what he was doing on a parking lot with Tyson in the middle of the night.

''Oh, you know what this is all about! What the hell have you done to Rei?!''

It was Tyson who had snarled this time and I could tell he really had to restrain himself so that he wouldn't begin shouting. His feet shifted nervously and angry at the same time. Tyson wasn't the kind of person who was ever afraid of anyone, but he had not struck me as a person who was good at handling emotions. Kai on the other hand, was a master of concealing emotions, and instead of fearing he invoked fear in others. But Tyson's voice did not tremble, and this sort of made me hate myself a bit because every time I spoke to Kai I spoke like I was going to wet myself (and not in the sexual way, you dirty pervert!).

''What do you mean?'' I could hear Kai's voice stiffen greatly.

''When we met him at the airport he was all… different. Not the Rei we used to know, you know?''

''Tyson, it's been years. He's not sixteen anymore.''

''No, but that's the thing. He was different when he arrived, but since you arrived he's been even weirder. Like when he locked himself up in his room and didn't come out for like, two days. And every time you two are in the same room it gets all… well, weird! Did you fight or what?''

Kai's feet shifted slightly and I felt my heart jump in anxiety. Had Tyson noticed this? I never thought of him as the person to pick up small things like that. Maybe he had changed more than I had first thought, or maybe Kai and I were just blatantly obvious.

''That's none of your busi…''

''Don't give me that crap! What's going on with you two?!''

Kai snorted.

''Why don't you just ask Rei that?''

''I was going to, but I thought I'd get your side of the story as well.''

''Side of the story? You're sounding like we're having a war.''

''You act like you are.''

Kai was silent. I didn't dare breathe; the moment was so full of tension I could feel the hair on my arms stand up. I would have to get Tyson one hell of a Christmas gift for this. At times when everyone knew they had to talk to Kai but no one dared, Tyson was always the one to do it. No matter how goofy or childish or how much of a slob he ever was, he always seemed to give his energy and attention to things when it really mattered. I felt ashamed of myself for the times that I had wondered why I was his friend because, this was why; he always stood up for me and all the people he cared about when no one else had the guts (or stupidity).

''Then here is my side of it; there is no side to begin with. I don't know what's wrong with Rei but it is none of my or your business. Is that all?''

Tyson sighed.

''Yeah, I guess that's all.''

Kai let out an annoyed ''Hn'' and left, Tyson soon following.  
As soon as their steps were gone I rolled out from under the car with a sigh. Well, that was interesting. Did this mean Tyson was going to have a little talk with me as well? I didn't want to talk! I had enough of talking. I wanted action. I wanted Kai to do something, I wanted myself to do something. I wanted to move on and ahead, or Kai to make me his.  
There was nothing to be said that could make anything better and what would Tyson say if he knew what was really going on with me? No matter how friendly he could ever be, what would he think of me as in love with Kai? Another guy, another teammate. Would he be scared? Disgusted, even?

I got to my feet and when I dusted myself off, I realized I had to get back to the car without making my absence seem suspicious.

''Aw, hell.''


	11. Chapter 10

Yeah. I know I update almsot all the time, I swear I hate myself for that! But I mean, I had nothing to do so I wrote. And it's Christmas now so I figured, what the hell!

There are at least five chapters left now, so hang on tight! Every question is going to be answered, Rei is going to suffer a lot, Kai is going to be an ass, Hill will be a pain and the rest will just be as cosy as always. There will be kissing and crying and yelling, as well as a little more Tala and Bryan because they're so loveable it hurts.

**NOTE THIS; **I'm on Winter Break now, so I'm gonna go visit some friends for the next weeks. So I won't be able to update or write for a while, so this is my compensation. Have a wonderful Christmas everybody, THANK YOU for reading and reviewing and such. Happy holidays!

Enjoy!

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Ten**

**X**

Life was swell. Really, it's never been so good. I love my life, I think I'm gonna recommend it to everyone!  
Well, alright, I admit it. I'm being sarcastic. And why was I hating my life that very moment? Well, that's easy my dear friend! Except for the whole thing with the Russians and such, a few days after the Max-incident, it just so happened to be the 19th, and that was scarily close to Christmas. And what's so special about that, you may wonder? Well.

Christmas shopping. That's what's wrong with it. Christmas shopping and Hillary makes an awful mix, I tell you. Of course the mad woman wanted to take us all out to buy the last few things we hadn't bought yet. Tyson still had some gifts to buy, as well as me and Jo. So it was sort of like a girl's night out, except that Tyson wasn't a girl and I was just acting like one, and it was early in the morning. Too early to be healthy, actually. Sure, I'm a morning person, I just don't like to go shopping before the sun has risen.  
That's so inhumane it should be illegal.

Daichi had some things to buy as well, but he didn't dare get closer to Jo than ten meters because Max was still kind of upset about it. They had all had a long talk and settled things during the night that we got back, but it was still a touchy subject. Jo had thought Max was very sweet, of course, and before I heard any more of their little chat I had to flee the room before I started crying. Kai stared at me the whole time.

It was all very embarrassing, really. I don't want to talk about it.

Still, I don't want to talk about Christmas Shopping either. If I ever become King of the World, I am going to ban the whole thing. It's murder! Do you know how many people actually wait until so close to Christmas to buy all their junk? I don't really know either, I lost count after a hundred.

Are people stupid, or what? I mean, you know it's going to be hectic and messy and simply a plain horrific experience to go shopping this time of the month. And still so many do it! I mean, I have a good reason, my life sucks. That's a good reason for not doing, or doing, almost anything. If someone accuses you of say, burning a house down, then 'my life sucks' is a pretty good excuse.

What were these people's excuses? Hillary was insane, that's a good excuse too. Tyson was lazy, which I guess no one can argue against, and Jo was a singer so her schedule was pretty packed. But take the woman who nearly kicked me to death just so she could get a hold of the perfume I was looking at. I mean… what the hell? Honestly, no popstar can smell so good that you're willing to spill blood for her fragrance.

And there I was. Poor little me in the middle of madness. Quite charming, actually, how I managed to survive crazy mother after crazy girlfriend until I had fought my way over to an indoors cafeteria, with two presents bought. I had gotten some big, weird book of Beyblading for Tyson and a very, very, very expensive perfume for Hillary. Now, left on my mental list were Daichi, Kenny, Max, Kai and maybe I should buy something for Jo too?

Hmm… Tyson doesn't really read books, so maybe I should give that one to Max instead. Oh, what would they do with a crappy book? It was an awful present! I suck!

Feeling completely miserable I ordered the largest espresso the place had and drank it in two large gulps. I needed a cigarette so bad.

Too bad I didn't get the whole way out to the parking lot, though. Because suddenly, when I was about to dig my lighter up from my pocket, someone knocked me off my feet, literally. I had taken a punch to the stomach and immediately I felt my ribs scream at me. I wasn't healed yet from my encounter with Big Bry, and this wasn't really helping. I felt a hand around my throat, gripping so tightly my head hurt. The person dragged me away from the crowded area and behind a sign saying something about today's meal at some restaurant, he slammed me up against a wall.

I coughed violently, my chest felt like it had closed itself and wouldn't let any air escape nor enter it. I kicked desperately, fighting to breathe. When I looked up with teary eyes I saw Tala's ice-blue stare back at me. He was looking so cold, so emotionless and so very pale. To top it all off, he looked like a raged cold blooded murderer. I had no idea why I had pissed him off so badly that he felt the urge to squeeze me into a wall. Maybe he just thought I would look pretty as a wallpaper.

''T-tala?'' I croaked and he jammed my head into the wall once more, stars were beginning to dance across my eyes.

''I will only say this once, so listen closely.'' He hissed and I could feel my insides turning to ice by the chilly tone in his voice.

It was like a cold wind blowing through the North Pole.

''You'' he hissed and tightened the grip on my throat. ''You will stay as far away from my man as you can or I will break your every bone.''

I blinked at him. Stay away from his man? Did he mean Kai? What the hell?

''I haven't touched… Kai!'' I coughed and his eyes narrowed.

''Oh, really? Then why have the two of you been spending so much time together?''

''Well, for starters we both live at Max's place, you asshat!''

I felt another jab of pain as he hit me in the stomach once more. My guts were churning and turning as if having their own little party inside of me. I was going to be pissing blood by the looks if it.

''Don't play games with me, Kon!''

''I'm not! Just let me go you big ape!''

Good job there, Rei. Just piss of the angry Russian, just go ahead, kill yourself like that! See if I care!

As I had expected, Tala was going to hit me again, but he froze suddenly.  
I looked around trying to find what had stopped his outburst, and immediately I wished Tala would just kill me right on the spot. Standing under a spotlight, looking like a devil in disguise, Bryan glared fire at his friend.

''Tala, stop.'' he said with a voice so firm I could feel his words hit me from meters away.

''Make me, bird-boy!'' Tala hissed.

Oh no, Tala, you didn't. You just didn't piss off the murdering purple man! Quick, every man for himself! Hide, hide, it's the apocalypse! It's Ragnarök! It's… it's… the end of the world!

Well alright, it wasn't. But Bryan was pissed out of his mind and as he grabbed and threw Tala into the restaurant-sign, I slipped out of the little space as fast as I could. But Bryan's hand gripped me by the hair and I was amazed by how he managed to beat the crap out of Tala and restrain me by the hair at the same time. Without even popping a sweat, I might add!

...  
I hate my life.

But Tala came back, and what a comeback ladies and gentlemen! He threw himself up from the floor and knocked Bryan off the ground like a missile. Once they both were on the floor he straddled the lilac man and hit him over and over again. He was like a machine, and plus, my hair was free. I backed to a safe good three meters distance, while Bryan threw Tala through a window.  
This was going to be expensive.

Several security guards came running, but they didn't do anything. The Russians were mad, furious, dangerous. If it had been Kai right there I probably would have been lying in a horny heap of drool by then.

''What the hell is going on?!'' a female guard with black hair yelled at me, like I was the responsible one.

''You tell me.'' I said and shrugged her off.

''Twenty bucks on the purple dude.'' One guard said.

''I'll bet thirty on the redhead!'' another one piped up and the female, I assumed she was the one in charge, turned around to glare at them.

''Shut up all of you and do something! They're…'' she ducked when Bryan flew over her head and into another window. ''They're tearing the place down!''

The guards were all staring at her like she was mad, and then they stared at Tala and Bryan who were by then trying to smash each other's heads in against a Soda Machine. Half of the guards ran away like their life depended on it. The two remaining looked at their captain who simply jerked her head at them.

''Go.'' She snarled and they didn't dare argue.

I just sighed and lit a cigarette on the spot, figuring no one would care in all the frantic. Peachy.

Three broken soda machines, one crying child, two more broken windows and two unconscious security guards later, Bryan and Tala were both handcuffed and throwing insults at each other. They were just about to be taken away when I stopped the guard by running over to them while flapping my arms like a lunatic.

''Officer m'am, may I please have a word with these two?'' I said and tried to look as kind and confident as I didn't feel.

Truth be told, I was scared out of my pants. Well, not literally. I could feel my hands shaking and dripping with sweat. My heart beat loud in my chest and I had to, once again, struggle to breathe. Even though I'd rather just run the hell away from there, I had to get answers. What were they doing? I hadn't touched Kai! Okay, maybe a little, but not since that night we slept together. And Bryan, what was his deal? Why was he everywhere?

The guard sighed and nodded, still holding them she fixed her stare at Tala who had been giving her the most trouble.

''Kuznetsov'' I said with a harsh voice and Bryan looked up reluctantly but challengingly.

''What?!'' he snapped and I flinched in surprise.

The fear must have been evident in my eyes judging by the smirk on Bryan's face. Even though this was all getting on my nerves, I still feared him like I feared no other.

''What the hell are you two doing here?''

''Saving your ass, it seems.'' He snorted in mock hurt.

''Yeah, I can see that. But why? I thought you hated me.''

''Now why would you think that?''

The smirk didn't leave his face and his eyes looked as blood hungry as ever, so I simply pointed to my bruised face with a snarl.

''Oh.'' He said when he caught my angry eyes. ''Yeah, about that…''

''What about it? Why'd you go and beat me up?!''

He looked at me in silence for a minute before answering.

''Because you didn't kiss me back.''

Tala looked absolutely horrified. And so did I. Bryan had done that!? Good thing I didn't remember it...

''_Kiss_ _you back_?! You fucking kissed him?! Bryan, what the fuck… Why didn't you tell me?!''

Bryan glared at his friend who glared back and for a moment they looked like they were having a silent battle with each other. The security guard looked at me with raised eyebrows and I could only shrug as a response.

''Yeah, so? You kissed Kai.''

''Kai isn't a fucking asshole!''

''Actually…'' I said but they just glared at me so I kept quiet.

''Look at him!'' Tala said and motioned to me with his head. He looked like an insane werewolf. ''He's scrawny and... and... pathetic!''

''Just shut the hell up, Tala!''

''No Bryan, you shut the hell up! Look at him! For fucks sake, is that what you've been doing all this time? Stalking him?!''

I blinked at them. Stalking me? So that feeling of being watched that had been lingering with me for days wasn't just my imagination? Bryan really was stalking me! I suddenly felt filthy and unclean, like someone had just dumped a boat load of bat droppings over me. All the time Tala was looking more and more like a psycopath.  
This was getting creepy.

''Uh…'' Bryan said and for the first time, his emotionless face looked kind of uncomfortable.

''Well, _is it?!_''

''Maybe.''

''Maybe?!''

''It's none of your business!''

''The fuck it is! You… why the hell?!''

''That's what I'd like to know too.'' I said and they looked at me as if they were going to tell me to shut up. ''Why did you kiss me then beat the crap out of me just to stalk me? What's wrong with you? Isn't it enough that you almost killed me once?!''

The guard looked confused and intrigued at the same time. I don't blame her, either. This was all like a big soap opera, only much more violent. The Russians were both bleeding and sweating, the mall looked like it had been subjected to a terrorist attack. Well, they didn't use to call themselves 'Demolition Boys' for nothing, I guess.

''Because…'' Bryan stuttered.

Wait, Bryan Kuznetsov _stuttered_? Since when did that happen? What the man was trying to tell me had to be something really big. Something I was afraid I might not like to hear.  
But I was interested, there's no denying that.

''Yes?'' Tala said with venom in his voice. ''Go on. We're all dying to know!''

''I… I…''

We stood there, staring at him, waiting. The suspense was nearly killing me. This was like a big cliffhanger, all the time I expected someone to scream 'to be continued!' and someone would roll the credits.

''I like you, okay?!'' Bryan blurted out and both me, Tala and the guard stared at him with awe.

The world seemed to come to a halt, then it started spinning violently again. His voice echoed in my head, my skin felt like it was trying to run away from me. I opened my mouth to say something, but since no words came out I closed it again. I was horrified, confused and angry all the same. It was like living in a nightmare! Finally, I got my words back.

''You… like me so you try to beat me to death?!''

This time he didn't answer so I just threw my hands up in the air with a defeated sigh.

''Bryan… what's going on?'' Tala demanded to know.

The purple eyed man looked at me with a cold stare, then just grunted as if he had nothing more to say to me. The guard took this as her cue and began pushing them towards her office. I stared at the spot which they had been occupying for I don't know how long, before I heard Hillary's and Tyson's yelling behind me.

I drew my fingers through my hair and groaned.

''I hate New York.''

**X**

I sat on the balcony, clutching Driger in one hand and holding a cigarette in the other. This day had been interesting. I had smoked half a packet before finally numbing myself from today's incident, after which I succeeded to buy all of my Christmas gifts. Tyson would get a DVD collection of some of the most praised comedies of all time. Max would get the Beyblading book as well as a new apron, saying ''Blade the cook''. For Hillary I had bough the perfume, for Kenny I don't know what the hell I got, the guy in the store kept talking so much computer-talk I just nodded and bought it to get out of there. Kai would get a special shrine to keep Dranzer in, which was really expensive and really pretty and very heavy. To Daichi I would give a leather jacket I found on sale and to Jo I had bought a guitar case, specially designed.

This had all cost me very much, which was another reason I didn't like Christmas shopping; it took almost all of my money. I didn't care too much about my economy; as long as I could pay the bills and buy my cigarettes I was fine with it. But still, it was annoying!

Driger glowed playfully in my hand and as I looked at him I felt surprisingly calm. There were two angry Russians out to get me, the love of my life was ignoring me, Daichi didn't dare talk to Max, Tyson wouldn't talk to Kai and neither would Hillary, Christmas was coming towards us with a raging speed and everything in my life seemed even more upside down than what it had done in the beginning of the month. It seemed as if all I had managed to do in New York was re-open old wounds.

I took a drag of the cigarette and stared out at the city in front of me. It was a beautiful afternoon, a peaceful calmness lay across the buildings even though the people were running around in stressed groups below. The snow lay like a soft blanket over the ground and trees, the air was cold and I had buried myself into a thick layer of blankets. A cup of coffee was placed in my knee and through the slightly open door I could hear the others stroll around inside the apartment. Max, Jo, Sammy, Hillary and Tyson seemed to be baking everything there was to bake while Kenny sat searching the internet for good movies to download (Oh my, Kenny downloading? Never thought I'd get to see that!). Kai had locked himself up in his room yelling to someone over the phone. He was yelling in Russian so I assumed he was arguing with his demolition-crazy friends.

So, Bryan liked me, huh? And Tala was jealous on me being with Kai? Well, well, well, this was mighty interesting. Now I would have to go get a restraining order on Bryan to get him off my back. On the other hand, would that stop him? Maybe I should just go back to Korea and forget all about this. Start over.  
Oh, who am I kidding? It didn't work before and it certainly wouldn't work now.

Then what was I supposed to do? Nothing? Well that pretty much sucked.

I sighed and played with a lock of my hair. I had to get it cut; it was starting to get long. Maybe I could even have it in a small ponytail soon. On the other hand, why not save it out again?

''Hey, there dude!''

I turned around to see who had spoken to me, and saw a flour-covered Tyson looking down at me. His eyes were fixated at Driger, a small smile tugging on his lips.

''You still have him?'' he said.

''Well… yeah, why wouldn't I?''

''It's just, since you gave up BeyBlading…''

I shook my head horrified.

''No way! Even if I quit on the sport it doesn't mean I'll ever quit on my best friend. Would you ever throw Dragoon away?''

He gave me a look with equal horror and shook his head violently.

''Never! Dragoon is like a part of me man!''

''See?''

He nodded and reached out his hand to stroke Driger's smooth exterior. I smiled slightly as I touched the Blade too. This felt like when I was fifteen, young and hopeful. The world was a great adventure and I loved every moment of it. Well, almost every moment. I didn't appreciate zits that much.

I sighed heavily and looked at my long time friend with sad cat-like eyes.

''I miss it.'' I said and for a moment it didn't look like the blue haired man to my left understood me.

Then he sighed and looked away, gazing over the city and its buildings with a small pout.

''I miss it too.'' He said, and I felt that it was a moment of understanding between us.

Which was when he got his crazy old grin back again.

''Hey. Let's relive old times, whaddya' say?''

I raised my eyebrows.

''What do you have in mind?''

**X**

''_Three, two, one, let it rip!''_

Our Blades shot out of our launchers like falling stars, hitting the Beydish with sparks following their trace. Scratch marks after scratch marks, deep cut after deep cut was all that remained after they roamed the little dish. They sent sparks and pieces flying like shatter from a bomb and all that time a roaring fire was raging inside of me. I felt truly and completely alive.

Tyson's eyes shone like a thousand suns, his face invaded by his characteristic grin and as I cheered Driger on, I felt the same grin tug at my lips.

Driger fought with an energy I had never seen before. I would have thought that my skills would be old and rusty, but from all those years my Bitbeast had spent resting they only seemed to grow more powerful. It was like unleashing the power of a volcano that had been clogged for a thousand years.  
Sweat ran from my face and my heart pounded like the steps of a rabbit chased by hundreds of wolves.

Dragoon kept coming at us again and again, but Driger slipped away from his attacks over and over. He was fast and he was hungry for victory, but I noticed that Dragoon's powers had increased as well. Tyson had been practicing a lot, which I guess was the only reason that my Beyblade almost fell over the edge all the time. I knew I could win this game. I felt like I could win every game in the world. I was at the top of a mountain, my spirit felt light and untroubled.

How I had missed Beyblading without even knowing it. It was in my blood, in my heart and soul. You know how they say that a smoker is always a smoker, or that they never trust a recovered alcoholic to have a drink? Well, the same goes for sports. A Blader is always a Blader.

All those years without it felt like nothing. This sport was my addiction, and this battle was my relapse. Tyson laughed with joy and cheered for his Blade to kick me out of the dish, but I would have none of that.

In a flash of the most brilliant green lightning, my white and proud tiger emerged from within its resting place. As he roared he bared his great, white fangs and the static electricity made his bright, shining fur stand up. He bared his deathly claws and I had never been so proud in my life.

''Driger…'' I whispered and the tiger gave me a look that only long lost friends who had found each other again could give.

I felt a great warmth of comfort overwhelm me like a powerful punch to the chest. As well as a vicious pang of shame and guilt. How could I have neglected my dear comrade like that? He had been with me for as long as I could remember. From the day I got him I had never felt alone. How could I just turn my back to him?

As a great flash of marine-blue submerged from Tyson's Blade and the great, majestic and awesome dragon of his Blade entered the field, Driger looked at me and I knew that he forgave me. Dragoon roared with the power of a thousand tornados and glared at us with ferocious battle lust. His brilliant claws gleamed in the sunlight. I hadn't even noticed all the people who had gathered around us until now.

The Bitbeasts locked eyes and as they leaped towards each other, a great chock-wave roamed through the park and threw me and Tyson several meters away. I landed in a lump of snow, as I looked up through my bangs of hair I saw the two mythical beasts attack each other again. It was a fierce fight and all the bystanders around us didn't seem to be able to tear their eyes away from it.

I got to my feet and with my head high in pride, I felt like I had regained an old part of me. I would owe Tyson for this for as long as I could breathe.

''Dragoon, go for it!'' I heard the Japanese roar and just like that, the Blades collided once more causing an explosion of thunder, wind and snow that knocked both me, Tyson and our audience off our feet.

When the smoke had lifted and the ashes and shatters of the broken Beydish had hit the ground, I saw Driger lying beside me. I reached out my hand and stroke the Blade, my heart beat so loud I could hear it. Driger shone for a short moment before returning to his Blade. I sat up in the snow, seeing Tyson stand before me. He reached out a soot covered hand and I saw Dragoon was tightly clutched in his other. Both of us smiling, I took his hand and he helped me too my feet.

''Looks like a tie.'' Tyson said and patted me on the back.

''Thanks Tyson. A hell of a lot.''

''Ah, don't mention it, pal! What are friends for, huh?''

I chuckled and nodded. Yeah, what were friends for? One thing was sure; Christmas looked slightly more better to my eyes than it had just half an hour ago.  
We tucked our Blades and launchers into our jackets, meanwhile a small girl and what looked like her twin brother walked up to us. They looked at us with big, green eyes and shy smiles playing across their identical features.

''Uh… Mr. Kon, Mr. Granger…'' the girl said and we smiled at her. ''That was totally awesome!''

''Yeah, are you guys going to get the team together again?'' her brother said enthustiasticly.

I looked uncomfortably at Tyson. I didn't want to shatter their dreams so close to Christmas. I mean, I was nowhere near fit to Blade again. Maybe later when I had gotten my life together again, if I ever did.

Tyson seemed to understand, so he grinned anew and patted the kids on their shoulder like they were life long friends. I always admired Tyson for treating his fans as equals, other than slaves like some Bladers had the tendency to do.

''Well, I guess we could always ask Santa!''

The twins giggled at us and it was as if a light had lit in their eyes.

''Merry Christmas, Bladebreakers!'' they cheered.

Tyson and I gave them thumbs up, and as we turned to leave we gave them a cheerful;

''Merry Christmas!''

I swear to the Gods, I have never felt so corny in my entire life. But all in all, it was totally worth it.


	12. Chapter 11

Rei drinks too damn much. Poor little thing. Ah. This chapter kinda feels like a repeating of all the other ones, (ansgt! angst! angst!) but I tell you, things are going to get moving in the next one. Mwoahaha. You'll seeee.. This story is close to the end now and how is Rei going to solve all this? Well, you'll just have to wait and see!

Sorry for the delay, guys. But it was New Years Eve (Happy New Year, guys!) and then my cat died and I was with friends and. Uh. Here you go, at least. Thanks for reviewing. Enjoy.

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Eleven**

**X**

_''You better watch out. You better not cry'' _

As my eyes fluttered open I could hear a soft voice singing from somewhere in the apartment. I groaned tiredly and snuggled closer to my soft pillow, trying to dissappear under the sheets which were much too warm and comforting for me to want to wake up. But yet, there I was, ripped from sleep like a child from its mother. I had been having a nice dream too, actually. It involved chocolate and Driger. I can't really recall what it was about more thoroughly, but it felt as if it had been a nice dream. After all, I was feeling very relaxed and calm. Until that annoying song crept into my room again. 

_''You better not pout, I'm telling you why''_

Oh, really now? I wasn't allowed to be in a bad mood? And to what could I ever possibly own the occasion? I had the feeling it was a special day and that I would regret waking up as soon as I stepped outside the bedroom. I just couldn't quite figure out what day it was. My brain was all clogged by sleep that still lingered inside my head, and I knew only coffee would be able to shake it off.

_''Santa Claus is coming to town''  
_  
Oh. Oh no. Not now. Not today. Please, Gods, no!

_''He's making a list, Checking it twice; Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.''_

Who was playing that stupid record anyway? And who should be held responsible for buying it?  
It couldn't be Christmas already, could it? It seemed as only yesterday it had been January. Did this mean I had to dress nicely?

_''He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake.''_

Well. I might as well drag myself out of bed then. The alarm clock did say 10;01, which was late if you were me. I didn't want to piss Santa off on this sacred day of the year. Maybe I would get what I wished for, even?

_''He knows if you've been bad or good  
So be good for goodness sake''  
_

Oh, who am I kidding? That old pervert couldn't possibly carry a lifetime of love in that small little sack of his. Nor a spine for a spineless little kitty like me. I bet I had been much too naughty for that kind of a gift. Or maybe naughty wasn't the right word to describe it, maybe 'stupid' suited the occasion more perfectly. Confessing to Kai seemed to be pretty much out of the plan by then anyway, so why not just stop sulking for a while, get some pants on and go enjoy this day? Well, for starters, I could hear Hillary all the way from the kitchen, yelling at someone. There was running and swearing and weird hissing sounds. It all sounded rather uncompelling. Maybe I could pretend I had crawled off to somewhere and died?

''Oh, for crying out loud!''

Hillary's voice cut through my eardrums like an army of woodpeckers. I took that as a 'no' to my question. The record kept singing its merry tunes but something in the air told me that the rest of the household wasn't as cheerful.  
Or maybe that was the smell of burnt gingerbread?

Sighing deeply, I climbed into my cleanest pair of jeans and even bothered to wear a nice shirt. Quickly entangling my fingers in my hair while trying to make it look a bit less I-just-woke-up-from-sleeping-in-a-hurricane-ish, I stepped out of my room.  
As I had expected, there was nothing but complete chaos.

Hillary was wearing a short, red dress with a white cardigan thrown over her shoulders. Her hair looked like something created in a lab for artificial haircuts and I don't think I've ever seen so much lipgloss on one person in my lifetime. She ran around like a deluded old lady, leaving a cloud of perfume and flour after her as she went. I raised a suspicious eyebrow at her and tried not to collide with the wild brunette as I made my way towards the kitchen. The record she was playing seemed to have come to a halt, the words ''_So be good for goodness sake_'' playing over and over again.

Over the entire kitchen floor lay gift wrappings, garlands and candy canes. Christmas decorations roamed the table and the kitchen counters were packed with so much saffron buns, ginger bread cookies, egg nogs and toffee I thought for a moment that I had lost myself and ended up at Willy Wonka's factory. On the stove was a saucepan placed, puttering and hissing meanly at me. I slowly walked towards the sink, grabbing wildly in the mess hoping to the Gods that I wouldn't find anything that wasn't the coffee maker. To my relief, a few cuts later I found it and grabbed it for dear life. Filling a big tea cup with the black liquid I rubbed my forehead with a grunt.

''Well, this is just fantastic!'' came the brunette's clearly stressed and for the moment, abnormally high pitched voice.

I turned towards the doorway and gave her a curious look.

''You've got eggs in your hair.'' I stated while pointing towards the yellow goo dripping down her scalp.

''Well thank you for stating a fact that I could not possibly know, seeing how it's been dripping down my neck for the last ten minutes!'' she spat at me.

I put my hand up in a defensive gesture, slowly backing away from her. I did not want to get on her nerves this day. I was starting to believe whoever said that Christmas is the main season for breakdowns.

''Don't just stand there like a loaf! Do something!''

''I am. I'm backing away.''

''Well, you do that while the rest of us work our asses off trying to pull this God forsaken day off, without your help!''

''Yeaah...'' This was getting uncomfortable. ''I'll go ahead and... do that. Bye!''

And just like that, I had escaped the kitchen and run out to the balcony.  
A chilly breeze hit me right in the face as I did so, snow greeting my bare feet as I stepped through the balcony door. It didn't take long for me to avert my attention away from the nail biting cold, because that was when I heard voices. Peeking down over the railing, I saw a blue blur which I guess was Tyson, as well as something red and brown dragging a scruffy looking Christmas tree after themselves. Behind them they had left a long trail, or more of a big path, in the snow consisting of pine needles and dirt. By the looks of it, that tree would just be a big stick when they were done dragging it to the apartment.

''You're doing it wrong, Daichi!'' the blue blur yelled.

''Shut the hell upp, Tyson!'' the red blur repsonded.

''The tree's gonna be dead, you have to pull faster!''

''You have to pull the fuck slower!''

''Do you _want_ this tree to die?!''

''Just drag it you big siss... ACK!''

''Tyson, stop strangeling Daichi and _lift_ the tree! Tyson!'' the brown blur squeeked nervously.

If I denied it was a funny sight, I would be lying. Tyson and Daichi were rolling around on the ground, earning strange looks from by-passers. Kenny circled around them in panic and the Christmas tree looked less and less like a tree after the two fighting ''men'' had used its branches to hurt each other with. Pine needles flew everywhere and snow dissapeared underneath Tyson's shirt as Daichi assaulted him with it. I took a sip from my coffee and watched them, wondering if I should do something.

''Hillary's going to kill us, you guys!''

But Kenny's pleas were to no avail, as he too got dragged into the fight. Soon he was facing the snow, his head buried so deep I could barely make out his hair. Daichi was sitting on his back, Tyson was trying with all his might to pry him off from the smaller, brown haired man. It looked as if Ty's Kendo training (even if it was un-welcomed) had paid off. He turned out to be a lot stronger than Daichi, even if the little man claimed he had been lifting weights at the gym for a while. True or not, there he was, five seconds later, face down on the asphalt.

''You guys need help or what?'' I said as their yelling grew louder.

They looked around as if confused of where the voice had come from. Kenny was the first to look up and as he did, the others followed. When they saw me they grinned sheepishly and tried to look as if nothing had happened, even if I could clearly see the neeldes and ruffled snow around them.

''Hiya there, Rei! Didn't... uh... see you.''

''Well, I can see that Ty. You looked pretty busy. Say, is that a tree?''

He looked over his shoulder at the poor little thing, then gave me an awkward look.

''Well... yeah!''

''Doesn't really look like one.'' Daichi said, pouting.

''Shut up, Sumeragi!''

''Whatcha' gonna do 'bout it, Granger?!''

''I'm gonna kill you, you ape! That's wha...''

''Hey! Hey!'' I shouted but they didn't seem to hear me as they kept yelling. ''_Guys!_''

Since more yelling didn't work, I emptied my cup of coffee over the railing, and soon it hit them both right in the head. The hot liquid had cooled off a bit, so I guess they screamed more out of surprise than out of pain. Either way, they glared daggers at me and I couldn't help but feel a little bad over it. They looked like two wet dogs, the only thing keeping them from ripping me to shreds being a chain to their collars (or, the fact that I was several meters above the ground).

''Now, don't look at me like that,'' I said ''Where did you get that tree? It's the 24th, right?''

Tyson changed the look on his face in a second. He looked like he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but Daichi on the other hand puffed up his chest like a proud gorilla and gave me a dazzling, confident smile.

''Oh, I have my skills.'' the shorter one said, and immediately Tyson's face returned to that of a dog with PMS.

''What do you mean _you_ have skills?! I found it!'' he snarled and now my curiosity had clearly awakened.

''Yeah, so?''

''What do you mean 'so'?!''

''So what?! I dragged it!''

''And look how good that turned out!''

''Do you want do die? Is that it lizard boy?''

''Dude, I told you! Call Dragoon a lizard one more time and I'll..!''

I whistled loudly at them, feeling like a judge in a boxing match calling for a time-out before the game had even started.

''Yooohoo!'' I cheered and they looked at me once more, this time like I was insane. ''Guys, what are you saying? Did you...''

Suddenly, a wave of realization washed over me like an avalanche of anger.

''Did you steal that tree?!''

I took their awkward silence as a 'yes, we did steal this tree, please don't kill us because we're too stupid to know how stupid we really are'.

''What the hell?!'' I stared at them with wide, blazing eyes and I don't know if they were shocked by the fact that I was having a fit, or that I had just swore. ''You stole someones Christmas Tree on the friggin' Christmas Eve?!''

Daichi shifted slightly, Kenny seemed to pretend he was in a different and happy place and Tyson only shrugged and rolled his eyes. He blew his bangs out of his childishly mischievous eyes and waved rejectingly at my statement.

''Well, it can't really count as stealing... I see it more as borrowing without permission.'' he said and I crossed my arms with raised brows.

''Oh, really?''

''Yep!''

''And could this be borrowing without permission and without the intent to return it to the rightful owner?''

''Technically'' Daichi said with a matter-of-fact sort of voice ''the rightful owner of that tree is the woods. So we kinda' pulled a Robert Good-stunt here.''

''A what?'' I was confused.

''Robert Good! You know that guy jumping around in tights, shooting arrows at people and stealing stuff from snobs?''

I sighed and shook my head.

''That's Rob_in_ Good, you jackass!'' Tyson hissed.

I could not believe my ears. They actually thought stealing someones belongings was a right thing to do because Robin Hood did it in the books and movies? Did they actually think I was going to fall for this?

''You mean you stole the tree from a rich person and therefore it's okay?''

Daichi looked at me with a big grin which made me shudder. That grin of his would only bring bad memories.

''No, I mean that since this tree is already stolen, we didn't really steal it. We kinda' took it from the thief who stole it from the other thief who chopped it down in the first place.''

''Well, are you planning to return this stolen tree to its natural surroundings, then?''

''No way, dude! I'm not going to go through the trouble of throwing this piece of crap away! We're going to return it to its previous own... I mean thief.''

Insert head-banging towards balcony railing here.

Tyson smacked Daichi in the back of the head. I sighed deeply, feeling like I was talking to kindergarten kids. Why was I friends with them again?  
Oh right, they helped me out with my pathetic love life. That would come back and bite me in the ass for the rest of my miserable existence, wouldn't it?

''Who did you steal it from then?'' I sighed and looked at Kenny, the only sane person around for the moment. And that's saying an awful lot about the people I hang out with.

Kenny averted his eyes with a wild blush, as if he was too ashamed, or maybe afraid even, to answer my question. This only awakened the worry in my stomach.

I had a bad feeling about this.

''It might have been someone we know.''

''Someone we know?''

''Someone we don't like, too!'' Tyson said helpingly.

''Someone we know and whom we do not like living nearby? What are the odds of tha..?'' I fell silent suddenly.

My heart made a double loop and as it did so, my stomach decided to learn Mambo without a proper dancing-instructor. I could only think of two people who would fit that description for the moment, and it was none of the former All Starz.

''Please, please, please, tell me it's not the Russians...'' I prayed to the skies with my hands together.

Tyson laughed, and I don't know if it was proudly or shamefully.

''It might've been the Russians...''

''Might've..?''

So there was still hope? Please tell me it's Emily. Please tell me it's Emily. Please, please, please!

''Yeaah, you know. It's hard to tell.''

Emily. Emily. Emily. Emily. Emily!

''What did they look like?''

All Starz. All Starz. All Starz! I'll be good for the rest of the year if it's the All Starz!

''Tall, scary and about to kill us.''

Well... It was a long shot but it could be Rick and Michael. Couldn't it?

''And...?''

Tyson grinned like an idiot about to get caught.

''And they were yelling at us in Russian.''

Insert psycopathic screaming here.

''And they kinda' looked like Tala and Bryan.''

Insert frantic throwing of American friend's belongings around the balcony here.

''Hey, dude, calm down! Kai didn't look that mad!''

I. Want. To. Die.

''You..! Stupid..! Gonna... Never... GYAAAH!''

The trio awkwardly moved slowly closer to the entrance door, discreetely dragging the abused tree with them. This was accompanied by the loud bangings of my head against the railing and the gruesome swear words coming from the depths of my throat. This was not good. Kai was never going to speak to me again. He was going to kill my stupid friends and then he was going to come after me and I would have to flee the country.

I should never have left Korea. I should have stayed there. I knew coming to America was going to turn out bad. Why didn't I listen to myself for once?!

Then suddenly, I stopped. I glanced at them with a look that I hope was clearly saying that they would not get out of there alive before answering some questions of mine.

''Stop right there!''

To my satisfaction, they obeyed and looked at me as if I was a judge and they were waiting for their judgement.

''You... Wh... Kai was there?''

Tyson slowly nodded. He looked like he was afraid to upset me more. I must really have freaked them out.

Oh, well, I could worry about what my friends thought about my state of mental health later when I had killed myself from the shame.

''Uh-huh.''

I blinked slightly.

''Why?''

''I don't know? He came dragging that tree and...''

''Wait, wait! Kai bought the tree?!''

The blue haired man frowned with an amused smirk.

''Well, duh? You didn't think the Blitzkrieg Psychos did it, did ya'?''

''Well...''

Okay, so what he said made sense. I mean, what would they ever do with a Christmas Tree? Did they even care what day it was? I bet they sat there, feeling very pleased over the fact that they had gotten rid of the ugly tree and probably would see headlines in the newspaper saying; ''_World Champion Blader Tyson Granger and Daichi Sumeragi murdered'' _the following day.

Then another thought struck me, and this one felt worse than the previous one.

''Why...'' I ran my fingers through my hair, my throat feeling awfully dry all of a sudden. ''Why would Kai do that?''

''I dunno. You'll have to ask him.''

''He... he never did something like that for us!''

''Well, we don't know. Is there anything more you want to ask us about?''

I sighed once more and shook my head. Tyson nodded in understanding and they dissapeared into the building, the tree getting stuck in the door in the progress and yanked away harshly causing more of its branches and needles to fall off. I bit my lip until it started pulsating and sunk to my knees. My head was spinning and it felt as something was trying to crawl up my throat. The calm of a good night's sleep was as ripped away and crushed under a pair of giant feet.

I was so confused. Was he just trying to do something nice for Tala and Bryan because they're childhood friends, or did he just feel like being romantic with his stupid boyfriend? Wasn't I as important to him? What the hell was I supposed to do to get him to even look at me?!  
The day had only just begun and already I hated it.

**X**

''A toast for us, good friends and all the adventures we've had together!'' Hillary raised her glass of wine with delicate precision and what I guess was supposed to be grace, and spoke to us with a voice that clearly was made for an important occasion.

''A toast for all the things that fucked us up when we were kids!" Tyson shot in, with his natural gift for ruining moments.

''Here's to mental scarring, cheers!'' And of course, Daichi had to give his donation to the occasion as well.

Then, of course, as any other time the two ruins something for Hillary, she tried to kill them. I was as used to this as I was used to having a penis; slightly disturbing and scary at first but as time goes you learn to live with the fact that life is just not the same without it. It made me a bit sad that I was going to leave New York so soon, it had really been great to see everyone again. Never mind the misfortunes that occured along the way.

So this was it? All this trouble and nothing to show for it? Wasn't the big point of the month to do something about Kai? I had gotten twenty four days, no more and no less. Well, alright, it was more. I had, so far, had about seven years to do something about it. That was about enough for anyone else, but for me it seemed as I would need a lifetime.  
Love is a strange thing, really. It's powerful, mighty and great. It's feared and loathed by so many people, as well as some people's greatest desire. It can take your life in a heartbeat, but still you want it so close you can taste it. It can bring a since long faded heart back to life with just one simple touch. It can crush great leaders in one breath as well as lit someones entire world. Love has the courage and strenght which no army could ever muster.

It would be nice to be like love. But still, I don't want all that. I've had strong men crumble at my feet, I've had girls scream for me with all their souls. I've had ups and downs, courage of a tiger and strenght of a mountain. These last years it's all crumbled to my feet, shattered under me like broken glass. Ashes of what once was.  
And still, I don't want it back. I wouldn't complain if I did get it back, but all I really want, all I've ever wanted since I left my village, is Kai.

And yet, there I was. In an ugly Christmas-sweater, egg nog in one hand and hiding my face in the other. As usual, the people around were having drinks. Max was, for Sammy's sake, drinking soda, as well as Jo. That was something I envied my blonde friend; he was a way better father and person than I could ever hope to be. They looked like a happy family where they sat, watching whatever was showing on TV. If I hadn't known they weren't together anymore, I would have called them the sweetest couple in America.

Hillary was drinking a very cheap wine, which she claimed cost more than my kidneys, trying to look sophisticated. If there was a scale of who could drink the most before passing out or getting shamefully drunk, I think she would score as a four. Kai could take more, so that would make him a three. I guess he could, at least. I've never seen him drunk, but he looks like the kind of person who's to cool to start throwing up after two beers. Last on the list was Kenny, who had already passed out on the sofa. One placement over him, came me. I mean, I drink like a fifteen year old girl. I don't know my limits and if I ever get to know them, I will forget them after a killer hangover.

Max I had never seen drinking, so I won't even give him the honour of being on my list. Take that!  
Be nice Rei, he's a good kid. Let's talk about something else, like, who's the number one and number two?

Well, Daichi will probably be the two and Tyson the number one. As well as they could eat, they could also drink. When they discovered this, the mother of all drinking competitions was born. They had been going on for at least on hour playing Whiskey Chess. Since none of them could play chess, they got to drink a lot of whiskey and still they only looked slightly tipsy.

Now where's the justice in that?

''Hey!'' Sammy said abruptly. ''When are we going to open the preseeeents?''

Oh, right. The presents. They were lying there, pretty and tempting under the great log which was supposed to be a stolen Christmas tree, screaming at us to open them. It was an awfully large pile. Hillary had bought a lot of them, dragging Jo along for numerous days of shopping. Now, eight multiplied by eight is... uh... err... I don't know what it is, but it's a lot. Adding the ones who's got more than one present bought to us, aka Sammy, makes that an even higher number.

The great thing was, that you could also see who had bought what juding by the wrappings. The ones that Hillary, Jo and Kenny bought, were neatly wrapped with pretty bows on them. They were like picked right out of a commersial.

The ones Tyson and Daichi had wrapped, looked like they were regular objects just minding their own business when suddenly a great Tornado of paper and too much string had caught them by surprise. You wouldn't even be able to tell they were gifts if they hadn't been lying under the tree. And the ones Max had wrapped up, looked mismatched in colors and childishly decorated. I guess that's partially because Sammy helped him.

And the ones I had wrapped up looked like something in between. Plain, subtle but not too neat. They wouldn't win Worst Wrapped Gifts Of The Year Awards, but they wouldn't exactly get a golden star either.

And Kai's? Well, here's the beauty of that; they were wrapped up in the stores he bought them in. He hadn't even done it himself. Wow. What a charmer.

''Yeah, Sammy's right!'' Tyson said with a slow and close-to-being-drunk voice. ''Let's open 'em!''

Before Hillary could say anything, the blue haired boy-posing-as-a-man-but-not-really-doing-that-good-a-job had thrown himself at the gifts and started throwing them at random selected people.

''Tyson, this is for Hillary, not me!''

''Then give it to her!''

And on and on that went, until all the presents had been dealt out.

Kai being placed in an armchair with a ginger bread absently held in his hand, looked at the presents in his lap with slight boredom. He scanned the tags, even if he only had to look at the wrappings to see who had given it to him. Ignoring almost everyone, his eyes stopped on mine. A slight glint lit in his eyes, and I think it meant that he was surprised. Surprised? What for? That I had given him something even though we had basically told each other to go to hell with our eyes every time we passed each other? Oh, well, the world is a strange place.

Okay, okay, I admit it. I love him. I couldn't be mad at him for real. Just really, really, really pissed.

''Oooh, cooool! Thanks, Rei!'' Max said as he saw my gift and I nodded with a smile.

''No problem.''

When everyone had gotten through half of their stuff, I hadn't even opened one of my presents. Putting down the egg nog, I started inspecting the little pile on my lap. There were gifts from everyone, even Sammy. Even if I didn't expect Kai to give me anything, it still stung to see that a present with his name on it was absent. I felt kind of stupid for giving him anything right then.

Sammy had gotten lots of presents, mostly toys. Hillary got a bunch of make-up products and skin lotions. Tyson got candy and Beyblade-stuff, and the others I didn't really bother to see what they'd gotten. I had gotten books mostly, which I guess is the only thing you can give someone you don't really know that much about anymore. Also, I had gotten a big bottle of Brandy. Hillary said it was because I should learn how to drink properly. Gee, thanks.

After opening the presents, we moved over to the dining room where a meal fit for a king stood ready for us. There were turkey and potatoes, sauces, bread and meat. The table had been set by Jo, and she had done a really good job. Nothing looked out of place or messy and the food, wow! It was like tasting heaven. I don't really know who made it, but I guess the girls and Max had something to do with it. I was only responsible for the cake we had hid in the fridge in case Tyson would find it. I must say, I was pretty proud of myself for that.

As we cleared the plates we also emptied the bottles of wine we had bought, and after the cake had been mutilated (mostly by Tyson) I was feeling rather drunk. I was fearing this could turn out a bad thing. If I didn't stop drinking every time there was a special occasion, I might end up an alcoholic or in Mexico. I don't trust myself while drunk, and I guess none of the others did either. When the hour was late and Max and Jo had taken Sammy somewhere outside just to spare him from the drunk people in the apartment, I could barely remember my name. Kenny had been dragged into his bedroom, a good safe distance from the rest of us. Hillary was giggling and singing kareoke with Daichi and Tyson, which sounded so blood-chillingly awful I had to escape.

And as usual, I escaped to the balcony. Fumbling in my jacket, careful not to drop them over the railing this time, I pulled out my cigarettes and lit them with clumsy ease. The smoke rose to the sky and as I watched the stars above, not even the people and cars below could disturb my melancholy peace. This Christmas wasn't so bad after all. No one had died, nothing had broke and I was still out of embarrasing danger.

''Why do you always do this?'' a voice suddenly spoke, and it startled me so much I nearly dropped the glass of wine in my hand.

I turned around on wobbling legs and soon recognized the blur of colours in front of me as a person. This person looked at me with blank but oh so beautiful eyes, his hair hung slightly covering them. As he drew the strands of hair away I shuddered. I don't know if it was the cold or if it was him. Suddenly, I felt completely drained and as if I was on fire all at once. My head burned by the touch of the alcohol and my tongue tasted funny, feeling heavy in my mouth.

''Do wha'?'' I mumbled trying to keep my head from falling off.

Kai leaned against the door and looked at me, like he was scanning for something but could not find it. This fact alone I think irritated him. The air between us was tense, and for once I was glad I was too drunk to really give a damn.

''Run away.''

''I'm not runnen'.'' I hiccuped and swayed with the hand which was holding the glass, taking another sip.

''Not literally, no, but figuratively.''

I stared at him with a frown. There he stood using all those complicated words when I could barely stand. What did he want from me?

When I didn't answer, I thought he turned to leave. But instead, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a small, neat present. As he held it out for me to take, I noticed it hadn't been wrapped in a store. This was something personal, this was something he had paid his own, precious attention to. This was something he had done for... me?

''Whazzat'?''

''What does it look like?''

I stared stupidly at the present for a while, before slowly reaching out for it. When he didn't snatch it back as my fingertips touched it, I took this as a sign to go on and carefully took it. I looked at the soft little gift for a while, not being able to fully understand what was going on. Silence fell upon us, but then our eyes finally met. It was as if being struck by lightning.

''I thought you said you wurn't gonna buy me annethin'?''

He grinned slightly, barely noticeable.

''No, I asked you _why_ I would buy you anything.''

I stared at him for a moment, then took another sip of wine.

''So why did you?''

''Open it.''

''But...''

He gave me a look which told me to just do as he said, and being the drunk little thing I was, I obeyed. I slowly, carefully but still clumsily teared apart the wrapping paper and let the strings entagle themselves into my fingers. Piece of wrapping after wrapping fell to my feet, and after what felt like years of suspense, the gift laid bared in my palm.

''Izz... wha' izzit..?''

It was a scarf. A black, smooth scarf which felt like the purest silk. It slithered between my hands like water and felt like Angel song to my skin. It was beautiful.

I gave him a confused look, his eyes reflecting the stars on the black veil above us.

''For your hair.''

''Buh... I dunn' have 'ny hair...''

''No, but when it grows out, you can use this.''

I watched the piece of silk in my hands like it was a treasure for a good long while. To stop myself from crying, I swallowed another mouthful of wine before looking at Kai again.

''You... you reeeeally think I look tha' bad innnn... schort hair?''

''There's more.''

''Hunh?''

''Unfold it.''

I looked down at the silk once more. As I poked around in it, a silver chain fell out. I bent down to pick it up from the floor, whiping off the snow that had stuck on it. As I straightened up I held it in the air, the moonlight falling on it. In the silver chain, a thin silver tiger sparkled in the night, staring at me with a gaping mouth and emerald eyes. Its body was curved in one giant movement of power and grace, baffling me with the force of an army.

''What... what..?'' I said but I couldn't find the words.

Kai reached out his long fingers to close themselves around the chain, gently taking it from my hands.

''Turn around.'' he said.

''What?''

''Turn around.''

And I did.

''Kai, what..?''

I froze abruptly when I felt his hands brush past the skin of my neck, placing the chain around it. He closed the neclace and I felt a cold, light touch against my chest as the tiger slid down my sweater. It hung around my neck, as well did Kai's arms.

''You're not one who was born to run, Rei. It's time you realized that.''

I swallowed down a sob, but it was to no use. The tears burst out of my eyes but I did not feel sad, I only felt rage. I turned around with a force that I think even surprised Kai, because he withdrew his arms in a snap. I pointed a trembling finger at him, but no words would come. So I just raised my hand and threw the last gulps of wine in my glass at him. Not even watching the liquor drip off him like blood, I stormed out of the place with a loud scream.

**X**

I ran for all I was worth, and then I ran a little more. The cold was biting at my face but I only fastened my steps, rummaging through the snow like Hell was at my heels. The tears burned in my eyes, but they did not burn as much as the ache in my chest. My heart beat louder and louder until I could hear nothing else but its beating and my harsh, ragged breathing. All the time I kept screaming, getting scared looks from the few people who were outside.

The necklace still hung around my neck and I didn't dare touch it. What was going on? I could not possibly go running outside while drunk, and on Christmas Eve no less! Kai was right. Why was I doing it? Why was I always running? I was a White Tiger, for crying out loud! Tigers never ran. They faced the danger head on, and no matter if they came out victorious or got beaten to the ground, they never let anything stop them. I was once like that. I never backed down from a challenge and I never let anything hold me down for too long. And I never ever ran away.

So why did I do it? Why didn't I stop right there, turn back towards the apartment and face Kai? Why didn't I do all the things my heart kept telling me to do but my mind was too scared to listen to? Life never got any better from running. I knew that. I knew that as well as I knew the back of my hand, and still I let it happen. Why was I so scared? How had I become like this? Why? Why were there so many questions and still not one single answer?

What was the point of screaming when it didn't scare the fear away?

I stopped suddenly, wobbling towards a bench I sat down. I buried my face in my hands and let out sob after sob, shaking violently. My jacket didn't keep the cold out, because the cold didn't come from outside, it came from within. In the end, no one could save me but myself. I had created this mess, so I was the only one who could fix it. I was tired of it all. Tired of waiting for Kai to be my hero, when he could do nothing more than watch. I built these walls, I was the only one who could tear them down.

The night was dark and quiet, the cars sounded distant. I looked up and found myself in a park. Trees were standing around me, their massive crowns covered in pure, sparkling snow. Above me a street lamp shed some sad light while the stars seemed to give me looks of pity. Everything looked the same to me. Nothing really mattered. My head was still clogged with alcohol and I wished that for just one moment, my head would be cleared. I thought drinking would drown everything, but instead it wrapped it in slippery paper. I had to take control of the situation, but no matter how hard I grasped, the only thing I manged to do was fall to my knees and throw up.

I wished my problems would crawl up my throat with the stomach acids and turkey and wine that felt like it could fill a sea. I arched my back again and again, until I had nothing more to vomit. Only hiccups and coughs escaped my throat, and I slumped back against the bench. Breathing heavily, sweating and shaking, I closed my eyes and sighed.

''Please just make it stop. Please just make it stop. Please, please...'' I whimpered and entagled my hands in my hair.

''If I could just hide away, this one last time... I could fix everything. I just... I don't think...''

Great. I was talking to myself. Or maybe even to the stars. It didn't matter who, because no one could answer me. I didn't even understand it myself. My tongue tasted vile and nasty, my words tasted even worse.  
I looked up when I heard footsteps, seeing a tall shadow fall over me. I knew who it was even before I met the crimson stare. I wanted to look away, too embarrased of showing such weakness, such pathetic weakness, in front of him, but he wouldn't let me.

''Rei...'' Kai said, but I shook my head at him.

''No, don't. Just don't, Kai. I'm tired of playing this fucking game with you! I'm tired of it all!''

''You sound like a kid.''

''Oh yeah? Well I guess that's just suiting, because I feel like a damn kid!''

My tone must have been harsh because he didn't say anything. I couldn't tell if he was angry or just confused. Could the great Hiwatari ever get confused? His eyes told me nothing, and neither did his face.

''Maybe you're right...'' I hiccuped. ''Maybe I wasn't born to run. Maybe I was supposed to be so much more than this. But I can't live on 'maybe's and 'what if's, Kai. I've done that for such a long time now. I'm... I'm tired and you're not really helping.''

He knelt down beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. I moved away from his touch, staggering up to my feet while leaning on the bench. I blew my bangs out of my face, picking up a cigarette.

''If you don't watch it, it's going to kill you.'' he said and I turned around angrily.

I lit the cigarette and took a long good drag, staring at him all the time.

''What? The cigarettes?''

''Those too.''

I laughed unhappily. My voice felt empty and hoarse, my throat throbbed and my mouth tasted like blood.

''Just what do you want, Kai? What the fuck do you want?''

He stood quiet for a while. We both stood gazing at the stars, not even moving. When I had smoked three cigarettes, he finally turned to look at me. I met his gaze and on some level in my drunk brain, I thought he looked empty.

''I want you to go back to the apartment and get some sleep.''

I snorted and lit my fourth cigarette, not even looking at him now.

''Fine. Be an asshole.''

As I turned to leave, he didn't even try to stop me.

''Just fuck off, Kai. Just fuck off.''

He said nothing and soon I was all alone.


	13. Chapter 12

Sorry this took a while, but I've been very depressed this week and just couldn't find the strenght to do it. So... this chapter confuses me. I wonder if it confuses you too? Oh well. I'm so sorry it's so sloppy, but I wanted it out today.

Not many chapters left at all, dudes. Sorry this is so short and boring. I just needed it as a filler. And well, yeah, there will be a Rei-Lee-conversation later on, if you were wondering. Just not in this chapter.

I like messing with Bry's head.

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Twelve**

**X**

''I am never going to drink ever again.''

''Sure, sure.''

Hillary waved me off like I was nothing but air. I had confessed everything, being in the mood for some serious whining, that had taken place the previous night. I had swallowed down obscene amounts of Aspirin and my headache was finally starting to die away. Slowly and painfully, but at least it was gone.  
The brunette sitting on the couch painting her toenails had not found my story amusing. Truth be told, I didn't really blame her. It was all really embarrassing and I could not understand why I let myself drink when I knew it was only going to end up bad.

Here's a promise; No drinking whatsoever on New Years Eve.

''Why do you two always have to fight?'' she said and gave her toes a look of concentration.

''I… uh… I don't know.'' I said and put my arms behind my head where I was lying on the floor. ''I guess I just hold stuff in and when I get drunk I let it out. Or whatever. I'm no expert on the rush of alcohol.''

Hillary snickered.

''Yeah, I've noticed. Hey, speaking of alcohol, have you thought about New Years Eve?''

I tore my eyes off the TV and gave her a curious look.

''Errr… It's a day when you ring in the beginning of the new year?''

The woman smacked me on the head, leaving a sizzling pain behind. And just because I had a hangover, the pain amplified for each second.

''Don't be a smartmouth! I mean, where are you going to be on New Years? Are you going to be here?''

I frowned and put a hand dramatically to my chest.

''Why would I, after the numerous times of humiliating myself, want to stay here to relive the memories?''

''I asked you if you wanted to join the rest of us! We've decided to celebrate it together, you know, just for old times.''

''When did you ask me that?''

''Like an hour ago.''

I stared at her. I did not remember that. All I remembered was waking up on the floor beside my bed, tangled in sheets and smelling like vomit. Then I got up fast as a cheetah and ran to the bathroom just to throw up some more. Then I had dragged myself to the kitchen, where the pills and food were, and I had only barely noticed Hillary was there before stuffing myself in self pity.

''Oh.'' I said flatly, looking back at the TV.

She stopped in her painting of nails for a second, I assume she was glaring at me, before closing the little flask of nail polish. The smell felt like razors to my nose, making me nauseous.

''So? Are you going to celebrate it with us?''

I bit my lip thoughtfully. I had originally planned to leave after Christmas and go back to Korea to never be seen outside the country's borders again. Celebrating another holiday with the gang didn't feel too tempting after this wild month.

''I was kinda' considering going back…'' the next word was going to taste unfamiliar in my mouth. ''… home.''

Home. Where was home anyway? Korea had never felt like home, just a place to hide. No other country had felt like a home either, just a place you were passing through. China was my home once, but I didn't know anymore. It had been so long since I had been there. I hadn't really talked to my parents in years, neither to my friends. For all I knew, they could all be dead.

Stop that, Rei! That's horrible thinking!

But what if I was right? Suddenly, I felt overcome by the urge to call them. The only problem was that I didn't remember their numbers.

''So you can hide your sorry ass and feel sorry for yourself? No way, Kon! You do not belong in Korea, and you have made quite the mess for yourself. You are going to stay here and clear it all up or so help me God, I will hunt you down until you… you… Grah!''

She tossed the little flask of nail polish into the air so that it landed on my head. Once again, it was followed by unbearable pain.  
Sometimes I think she hates me.

''But…''

''No 'buts', Rei! You will stay and that's final. Now go take a shower! You smell like shit.''

I looked at her with one raised eyebrow, the corner of my mouth twitching slightly. She was a funny girl, Hillary. Not in the ha-ha way but in the way that when you don't know her she makes no sense at all. And when you do know her, she makes even less sense.  
But you notice when she's mean because she hates you, and when she's mean because she likes you. I guess this was the latter one.

I gave her a small smile before standing up. I guess I did look like shit, because I sure felt like it.

''Whatever, Hill.''

As I turned to leave, she raised a hand in the air to stop me.

''Oh, and Rei!''

I turned around in the doorway and looked at her with a curious smile on my lips.

''Yeah?''

''Just… take it easy in the future, okay?''

I nodded.

''I can try.''

''Good.''

She nodded as well, and when I was just about to leave the room, she squeaked at me again. I glanced over my shoulder and saw a look of excitement on her tired face.

''Oh, just one more thing!''

''What?''

''Lee called. I wrote the number down, you can call him after the shower.''

I blinked. What? Lee had called? How did he get the number? Was he like a spy or something? Was he sitting over ther in China right that second, watching m,y every move, listening to my embarrasing confessions?

As if she had read me like a book, she shrugged.

''Kenny'' was all she said before finally waving me off.

**X**

The signal inside the phone in my hand went on and on like an old song you had heard one too many times. A towel was wrapped around my hair which was dripping water on me. It had taken me a good long thirty minutes to finally get the guts to actually call my old childhood friend. I had been trying to reach him for minutes, but he hadn't picket up yet. I sighed and looked at the watch. This was getting annoying.

''_Beee-da-beeep! Beee-da-beep! __The phone you are trying to reach is currently switched off. If you would like to leave a message, press 'square'. If you would like to leave a num…_'' I hung up in the middle of the recorded voice's sentence, sighing irritated.

When people call you, you can't, for some reason, answer. When you try to call them back, they don't answer. It was like a weird game of cyber Hide and Seek.  
I muttered and figured I would just have to call him later. What was the time difference between New York and China anyway?

I stretched just in time to hear my stomach grumble. It was hungry again, and this time it told me to get something fatty and greasy. That's the only good thing about hangovers, I guess; you get to eat as much of the unhealthiest food you want because your body will go nuts if you don't.

When I had my head halfway into the refrigerator though, the phone called. Its soft tone startled me, which caused me to hit my head in the fridge. I hissed loudly, glaring at the phone. Then I realized, that it could be Lee calling back!  
I threw myself at the little green piece of technology like my life depended on it.

''Lee!'' I shouted with a shrill voice.

The other line was silent for a moment, as if I had startled the person calling.

''_… no._''

My heart stopped. That was Kai's voice.

We were both death silent for a while. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad or mad or frightened or all at once.

I cleared my throat just to break the silence and get the shrillness out of my voice.

''So…'' I said awkwardly. ''Sooo... What... errr... what's up?''

''_I just called to tell you that I won't be back for a few days._''

A few days meaning; Until New Years Eve? So he was going to spend it with the gang, too? Well… maybe I could stay, just as a last desperate try to put everything straight (Oh, the irony!).

''Okay. Where are you going to be then?''

''… _that is none of your business._''

Meaning it was someplace juicy. Hmm… I just had to get to the bottom of this!

''Kai, don't be like that! Just tell me!''

That's good Rei. Play it cool, pretend like yesterday never happened. Fool him you're sane!

''_And why would I do that?_''

''Because I'm curious!''

''_And?_''

I muttered.

''Fine, be like that.''

''_Fine, I will._''

Gods help me, we were sounding like two bickering children.

''Fine.''

''_Good bye._''

And just like that, he had hung up.

I stared at the phone for a while, trying desperately to figure ou what had just happened. Right on cue, Hillary cleared her throat.  
I spun around rapidly to look at her in horror and surprise. Had she heard everything?

By the look on her face, I guess she had.

''You go over there, right now.'' She said with a voice that indicated that I would not like to go against her will.

I gave her a confused look.

''Where?''

''Don't try to fool me! I bet that was Kai and…''

''How did you know it was Kai?''

She glared at me like I was stupid and that the answer was clearly obvious.

''Rei, you're blushing.''

Uncomfortable silence.

''Oh.''

She shook her fist at me and I almost backed a few steps just by the sheer weirdness of it.

Was she trying to tell me something I was too hangover to understand?

''Now you go over there and apologize!''

I blinked.

''What?! Apologize?!''

''That's right!''

''For what?!''

My voice was getting its shrill back now. And it was not pretty.

''For being an ass!''

''Me?! He's an ass!''

''I don't care! If you want to save your lovelife, go over there or I'll fucking drag you!''

I gave her a look of defiance. Like a little kid telling his mom he was not going to go to sleep just yet.

''Go ahead! Just try to make me! Just try!''

I grinned smugly. I'd like to see her get out of that one!

**X**

Me and my big mouth. I had just begged for it, hadn't I? I couldn't just shut up for a second, and just had to go challenge her like that. I guess I had no right to feel sorry for myself for the fact that I was standing outside the apartment building where a certain red headed Russian lived. Oh, I guess that's what you get from messing with fate.

I glared discreetly at Hillary who glared back.

''How do you know Kai's even here?'' I whined.

''They're boyfriends, for fucks sake. Where else?''

Ouch. Mental K.O.

''I guess you're right. But then what am I doing here?''

''Apologizing, threesome, whatever. Now go!''

I didn't move an inch. I just stood there, staring at the building with great anxiety rising in my chest. The building stared at me with all its large windows, daring me to enter it. Was this a good idea? Probably not. I mean, I had no business there at all! Kai was the jerk and he was going to spend the week with his jerk boyfriend. What was I supposed to do about that? Did I even have the right to do or say anything?

Hillary crossed her arms.

''Am I going to have to drag you in there as well?''

I groaned.

''Fine, fine! I'll go!''

''Then get moving!''

I snarled at her and started walking through the snow. The pavement was slippery and I almost fell way too many times to count before I had reached the entrance door. I stared at it with disgust and dread. I would have given almost anything just to not have to go through that door.

Hearing Hillary honk the car behind me, I sighed and pushed the door open.

The entrance looked pretty fancy, but not too cliché. It was like something in between, and as I skimmed through the list of resisdents I felt the nervousness rising. Finding Tala's name under the '4th floor'-category, I got moving.

The halls were long and smelled of ammoniac, bright lamps hung in the ceiling. It felt somewhat like walking through a crossbreed between a hospital and a hotel. I don't know if it was expensive, but still I wondered how Tala could afford it all.

After going through the torture of climbing numerous of stairs, half dead I had reached his apartment door. Big golden numbers hung on it, as well as a peep-hole. I stared at the door for what felt like days,but it was only minutes. What if Kai opened? What if Tala opened? Or, the Gods forbid, what if _Bryan _opened? He would kill me on sight! They would kill me, make rost beef out of my body and no one would ever dare to suspect a thing.

I bit my cheek hard before finally knocking on the door.

There was silence for a good long while under which I felt my heart skip several beats.  
My headache was back in full strength and I swear I could feel bile at the back of my throat.

Then, the door opened.

''What the fuck are you doing here?!''

I swallowed down the bile, but it just kept coming. As Bryan's hateful eyes stared down at me I knew I was not going to be able to hold it much longer.

''I…. I….''

And then I threw up right in front of him. All the food I had devoured that morning just kept flying out of my mouth like birds in a nest. It splashed on the floor with a weird sound and I just felt like I could drop dead right that second.  
While whiping the saliva and vomits off from my mouth I glanced up at Bryan in horror.

He raised an eyebrow at me. I couldn't tell if he was angry at the vomit or at me. His words from just a few days before rung in my head suddenly. His confession of affection for me almost made me throw up again. In the last second thoguh, I managed to restrain myself.

''Ain't looking too good there, kitten.'' He said with a strained voice.

I coughed as a response, leaning on the doorframe.

''Been drinking again, huh?''

''Where's Kai?''

I gave him a careful glance to see the expression on his face. Or more precisely; the lack of expression on his face. He looked so completely blank that he reminded me of a white paper sheet.

''Out.''

''With Tala?''

Bryan's eyes narrowed.

''What's it to you?''

I snarled.

''That's my business.''

He laughed bitterly then gave me a piercing look. Those eyes looked right through me like stripping every piece of flesh and tissue away, burning through my bones.

''You're starting to sound like Kai himself.''

''You say that like it's a bad thing. Now, are you going to let me see them or not?''

''I'm telling you, they're not here.''

''And I don't believe you.''

Bryan snarled and slammed his fist in the doorframe. I jumped at this sudden burst of anger and somewhat it looked like my reaction pleased him. Slowly, slightly hesitatingly, he stepped aside giving me full entrance to the apartment.

''Go ahead. See for yourself.''

This had to be a joke. Oh, wait, Bryan doesn't know how to joke. So it must have been a threat. A life threatening one, too.  
You see, I'm not sure if you know this but having Bryan inviting you inside isn't really a good thing. The only way that is going to end is in a freezer.

But on the other hand, I had come this far and Hillary would hand me my ass if I backed out now.  
Never letting my suspicious glare off him, I slowly stepped through the door.

As I looked around, the apartment didn't really impress me. The furniture was modern but subtle, like the room wasn't made for paying attention too. Or maybe the Russians only had a very subtle taste when they went to Ikea to go shopping on Sundays.

Bryan closed the door and crossed his arms once more.

''See. No one's here but you and me.''

That statement made me shudder. I did not want to hear that from the worlds number one sadist, no siree.

''And what's in the other rooms?''

Bodies?

''Furniture.''

Like a trunk full of bodies, hmmm?

''Can I…?''

''No.''

''Just one little peek..?''

''_No_.''

I muttered.

''Well… do you… know when Kai'll get back?''

''Maybe.''

I raised my eyebrows. This sure was one funny man.

''Maybe?''

''Maybe for the right prize I'll know.''

What the hell?! He was trying to sell his information to me? What was this, some gangster movie? Did he actually think I was going to fall for this? I wasn't even comfortable talking to him at all and he wanted me to pay him to tell me things?!  
I stared him in the eyes as long as I dared to, the urge to find Kai and apologize had rubbed off on me from Hillary's yelling in the car. Was Kai really worth this?

Dumb question.

''And what prize might that be? Thirty billion dead infants in a freezer?''

Dumb comment.

''What about a dead kitten in a freezer?''

Angry Russian. I seemed to have developed quite the talent to piss them off that month. Maybe I could build a carreer on it? And end up assassinated by the age of 27.  
Yeah. That sounded... good.

I stared at Bryan for a minute or so, before getting nervous again. He was looking at me with a glow in his eyes that I had never seen there before. And quite honestly, it scared me. Since when did Bryan's eyes glow? I tell you, ever since I got to New York things had just gotten weirder and weirder. Maybe he had been abducted by aliens?

''Why, want to make a new fur-coat?''

''You're the one to talk about fur, kitty.''

''Just what do you want?'' I snapped, and he looked pleased that he had annoyed me.

''You really want to know?''

I nodded slowly, knowing that I would regret it if I did.

But now looking back, I don't really know if I do regret it, because suddenly Bryan kissed me. And being sober this time, I actually noticed how good he was.

His strong hands pushed me to the floor, his mouth over my mouth prevented me from screaming in pain and confusion. Did I really want what was going on? I couldn't think about it, all I could concentrate on was the sweet taste of his tongue in my mouth, caressing it, roaming it, ruling it. It felt like fire in my lips, high voltage in our kisses. His teeth hit hard against mine as he threw himself at me over and over again. I felt my cheeks burning and even though my mouth probably tasted like vomit, his tongue swept around like he wanted to taste every last part of it.

His chest pressed against mine, almost cutting off all air supply. But I didn't care because it was all such a rush. I had never been kissed like that before. It was like all his passion, all his affection, had been locked up too long and was finally let out like a roaring beast.

He straddled me then, tearing at my jacket to rip it off. In a second it was lying in the corner of the hallway, forgotten and unwanted.

It was followed by his t-shirt and then my shirt, all lying in a little heap of colors. His hands brushed my skin like boulders, strong and firm, knowing exactly what they wanted. I knew it was wrong, but it didn't feel wrong. All I knew was that it felt right, it felt good and I was feeling so alive. Even if it was Bryan of all people, I couldn't stop. I just couldn't.

If Kai was allowed to, then why wouldn't I be?

Because Kai was doing it out of love.

''Bryan…'' I panted and closed my eyes as he nibbled at my neck. ''Bryan… I cant… this isn't… right…''

''Don't talk, kittykat.''

''But, Bryan… I don't… I don't…''

''I know you don't like me, you probably hate me. But I don't care. Now shut up and kiss.''

Well, it was an order. And you never, ever go against orders.

So I gave into it. I gasped and panted and moaned as his kisses burned all over my skin. He nibbled and bit and scratched, leaving marks after marks. Like he wanted to tell the world that I was his. For that moment, there were just us. Just him and me, Bryan Kuznetsov and Rei Kon. Arch enemies and passioned make-out-pair.

I entangled my fingers in his hair, slamming my lips against his. He panted heavily in my face, devouring me like a drug.  
As we were locked in one big, fiery kiss, the worst of the worst things that could ever happen, happened.

The door opened.

Bryan stopped in the middle of a movement, I lay stiff beneath him. We both turned our heads to look at the doorway and met the eyes of the two persons on earth that we did not want to see.

''What the… hell?!'' Tala blurted out and stared at us.

He looked angry and about to murder something that just happened to walk by, but he was too shocked to even move. Kai just looked slightly taken back, and I wasn't sure how to interpret that look of his.

So I did the first thing that came to my mind and stood up, grabbing my clothes from the floor.

''Errr… Kai.'' I said, and blushed deeply.

''… Rei.''

''Gotta… err… got lost.. errrr… Gotta…. Go now. Bye!''

I tried to run out of the room, but Kai put a hand on my naked shoulder. I stopped instantly, feeling cold at the sudden touch. I looked him in the eyes and I could swear I saw something move inside of them. I just couldn't tell what.

''I'll tell Hillary where you are. She was uh… worried. See ya!''

And then, before he even had the chance to answer me, I ran.


	14. Chapter 13

Oooh. I like this chapter. I was originally intending to make it longer, but I think it was better of ended like this. Now, only TWO chapters left. Maybe. Moahaha.

Oooh, and look at that! Thirteen, the unlucky number. Oh, my , oh my. Well, I don't have much to say more than; I like confusing you. But do not worry, in these last chapters, everything will be cleared out.

And I must say; Thank you so much for your reviews. You have no idea how happy they make me!  
So; Enjoy!

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Thirteen**

**X**

The week without Kai was painful. I didn't think it would be that much trouble, seeing how I had been without him for years. So how much bother could one week be?  
It turned out to be a lot. I hadn't had an ounce of sleep for days, nor appetite for food or lust for pleasure. The guys had spotted this and they really tried hard to cheer me up.

Tyson had asked me if I wanted to Beyblade with him again, but I had no energy to even pick up my launcher so I had declined his offer. Max had offered me to go to a cooking class he had seen and ad for, but the smell of food made me feel sick so once again I had to say no. Then there was Daichi, who was still patching things up with Max. Slowly they made progress, but it was with great effort. Still, he asked me if I wanted to go look for girls in a bar. I didn't even bother to answer that one.

Hillary had smacked me on the head and told me to stop sulking. That feeling sorry for myself would get me nowhere in my life and the only thing left for me to do was move on. Move on? Maybe she was right. But I tried but it just wasn't possible. Kai was all I could think about. Everything remembered me of him. Then Hillary asked me that if Kai was such a jerk, why did I still want him? Obviously he was all over Tala and there was just no room left for me. Oh, I don't know. Love makes you do stupid things I guess.

Jo and Sammy had offered to take me out sightseeing, but getting to know the city of New York felt like too much of an effort. I felt slightly bad for declining everything the guys offered me, but I just couldn't get myself to get out of bed. Kenny even asked me if I wanted to see a movie or something, but no. There was nothing that I felt like doing. And thus, I lay in my bed watching bad romantic movies and sighing heavily. I never paid the movies much attention, since they only made me feel bad, but at least I tried.

As my body craved for coffee and cigarettes, and I really had to pee, I decided that maybe it was time to drag myself up. Just for a while, so I could get back to my pouting without any further minor interference. As I crawled out of bed my back cracked with pleasure, being stuck in the same position for an hour got pretty uncomfortable.

I put on a bathrobe, dressed only in boxers and a t-shirt, grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and slipped out of my room.

The apartment was quiet for a change. I guess they were all out shopping for New Years Eve, which was right around the corner. Staying in New York suddenly felt like a bad idea. With a sigh I realized I would just have to put up with it and then I could go home afterwards. What was a little more agony, anyway?

Noticing that someone had put on the coffee maker, I poured the liquid up in a tattered old cup. Rubbing my eyes from sleeping-dust I stretched out widely like a cat and yawned.  
Suddenly the phone rang. I cast it a bored glance and wondered who it could be. Lee hadn't called back during the week and I hadn't even bothered to crawl over to the phone. It could be anyone other than Lee, too. It could be Hillary or Judy or the President. Why the latter would call Max I had no idea, but hey, in the land of dreams everything was possible.

''Okay, okay!'' I snapped at the phone as it wouldn't stop ringing, which was getting really annoying, and picked it up. ''Yeah?''

I was not in the mood for phone calls, but then again, I wasn't in the mood for anything. Picking up a cigarette I went out to the balcony. Thank god for wireless technology.

''_Yeah, hi. __My name is Lee and I'm looking for a Re..._''

''Lee?!''

The person on the other line went silent. It didn't sound like Lee, but still in a way it did. I recognized the deep and serious tone of his voice, but it sounded so much older and deeper than when he was a kid. Which I guess was only logical because it had been a few years since I had talked to him.

''_Rei?_''

''Yeah, it's me!''

''_Woah…_'' Lee said sounding puzzled. ''_You sound different._''

I frowned as I lit my cigarette and leaned against the railing. Looking out over the city that never sleeps I started to feel very tired. The city was older than me but still it looked younger in a way. Always moving, sometimes knowing where it went and sometimes not, not really giving a damn.

''Different?'' I took a long drag of the cigarette. ''As in darker an cooler?''

Lee laughed. Oh, I had missed that laugh. It was like talking to your big brother and your best friend all at once. He had always made me feel more sure, more safe. But I just couldn't take him asking question about why I was in such a bad mood. I couldn't tell him the truth. Sure, call me a wimp, but admitting you have feelings for another guy isn't the easiest thing to do.

''_No, as in troubled. Is something wrong?_''

Stupid Lee and hist sixth I-know-when-something-is-wrong-sense.

''Uh… I ah… No.''

''_You know you can't lie to me._''

''I _couldn't_ lie to you Lee, but that was… wow, that was a really long time ago, wasn't it?''

''_A few years._'' I couldn't really tell if he sounded bitter or not. ''_About that, where have you been all this time? Why didn't you call or something? Do you know how hard it was to find this number?_''

I took another long drag and a gulp of coffee. It was still hot, making me curse as it burned my tongue.  
It sounded like Lee shifted on the other end of the line, ruffling what sounded like papers.

''Yeah, I'm sorry about that. It's just… I couldn't stand my old life. I had to get a new one.''

''_So why couldnt we be part of it? Why couldn't Mariah be? She misses you, you know._''

I sighed. Mariah. Sure, I missed her as a friend but with Hillary constantly biting my head off I didn't really miss the pink haired girl too much. It would be nice to talk to her again, I guess, just for old time's sake. But I wouldn't want to visit her or anything.

''I… miss her too.'' I half-lied. ''Are you guys still living in the village?''

''_Mariah is. Kevin's out backpacking through Europe._''

I raised my eyebrows. Backpacking? That sounded pretty weird, I mean, with the White Tiger's he traveled a lot. He's seen most places in the world more than once.

''Some Beyblade-thing?''

''_No, he said he wanted to see what the world was like when you were just an ordinary person. Not a Blader._''

''I see.''

Well, it made sense. As a Blader, people kept sucking up to you. I guess they hoped youy would cast some glow on them or whatever. Being famous and known world-wide was creepy and fun at the same time, exciting even. But you got tired of it after a while. I can't say being known to no one at all was better, but at least it was a change.

And I guess people need change from time to time, just to keep them from going insane.

''_Do you still Beyblade?_'' he sounded curious this time.

''Uh… no, not really. Do you?''

''_Sure I do. Galeon and I are still a team! __Mariah still Blades a little too, but more for fun than profit. She hasn't left China since you disappeared._''

I felt quite guilty when he said that. I hadn't meant to hurt anyone, least of all my friends. I only… I'd only been thinking too much about myself, hadn't I?

''Lee… am I a selfish person?''

Lee sounded as he was choking on his own spit. My question must have surprised him.

''_You? Selfish? No way, man! __You're the most giving and caring person I've ever known._''

''Really?''

''_Yeah Rei, really. __Why would you ask me something like that?''_

I sighed and drank some more of my coffee. Had Korea been a big mistake? What should I really have done? Maybe if I had gone to China or something instead, hung out with people who loved me, the absence of Kai wouldn't have hurt so much? Had I been fooling myself for years?

''… Lee. I think I have wasted my youth.''

''_Maybe you have to stop being so pessimistic._''

''How do you know what I'm like?''

''_I don't. But I can guess. By the sound of you, I'm betting you've had a rough couple of years. Whatever it is that's bothering you, maybe you've been attacking it from the wrong angle, you know what I mean?_''

I nodded, even though he couldn't see it. I took another few drags from my cigarette and sighed. Good old Lee, always seeing what you couldn't see for yourself. He was a wise kid, and I guess he had grown up to be a wise man. I smiled slightly, feeling proud of him.

''Yeah, thanks Lee.''

''_Hey, listen. I'm away in Japan for a business thing, so I can't talk much now. But I'll speak with you later, okay?_''

''Sure.''

''_And Rei?_''

''Yeah?''

''_Nice talking to you._''

I laughed softly, and for once it was without bitterness.

''Nice talking to you too.''

''_Okay, I'll… Rei… are you smoking?!''_

Now how the hell did he hear that through the phone?! I had only taken a small and very subtle drag while he was talking. Did he have super-hearing or what?

''Errrr… nooo… No, of course not, Lee!'' I laughed nervously. ''Why'd you think that?''

''_I could swear I thought I heard..._''

''Nothing! Great, talk to you later. Bye bye!''

''_But..._''

Quickly I hung up.  
Phew! That was a close one. Sure, sure, call me a chicken. I'd already had the guys on my back for smoking, I didn't need Lee to be too.

I put out the cigarette with a sigh and drank the last of my coffee. Well, that phone call had actually made me feel slightly better about everything. It was good to hear a voice you hadn't heard for a while. To know that someone would always back you up was bliss in a world like this.

As I stepped inside the apartment and poured more coffee into my cup, the front door opened. I cast a glance to the hallway as I put some sugar in my coffee and saw Tyson burst through the doorway. His arms were holding a big box of Fire Works, and after him came Max with lanterns and decorations. They were followed by Hillary who was carrying bottles of wine, and after them came Kenny and Daichi carrying big grocery bags nearly tipping over with food.

Tyson waved at me with a big grin, shaking his box of Fire Works excitedly.

''Hey man! Glad to see you're up!'' he said and I waved back at him.

''Fire Works? So early?''

''What do you mean early? New Year's today!''

I blinked at him.

''What?''

''It's today!''

I stood silent for a while, staring at him. After a few minutes he stepped up to me and waved his hand in front of my face.

''Helllooooo? Anybody home?''

I stared at my coffee, took a sip and then stared at Tyson again.

''Shit!'' I said like I had just realized something crucial. ''I have to get dressed!''

**X**

Hillary opened a bottle of champagne with a popping sound. The liquid flew in a burst of alcohol through the air before she started pouring it up in peoples glasses. She was elegantly dressed in a pink and black dress, looking like she was about to head for the Oscars.

The boys had been threatened by her that if we did not wear a suit she would rip us apart and make one of us. Of course, whilst she got drunk she also got easier to persuade into letting us wear other clothes. So, by 11 PM that evening, Tyson was dressed in dirty jeans and a t-shirt with some video game logo on it. The only one who was dressed up was actually Kenny and Sammy. I have no idea why.

I'm surprised over the fact that Jo even wanted to spend New Years Eve with us. Every time we had celebrated something we had got shamefully drunk and bad things always seemed to be attracted to us. If I was her I would fear for my son, if not myself. But I guess she liked us, because we're so charming.

Daichi might be an exception whenever he feels like challenging Tyson in something.

Right that moment they were competing in who could eat the most cake and drink the most champagne in five minutes. If you ask me, it looked like it was going to be a tie. And you know what happens whenever there's a tie? They compete in another weird game, until one of them throws up and they start all over again. Or someone simply passes out.

That's when the other wakes him up by kicking him so that they can start over, again.

I must say, I really love my friends.  
Hm, what? Sarcasm? Me? Oh, please!  
Okay, maybe a little. But honestly, I do love them. I just don't always like to be in the same room as them.

''Kai, can you help me with the fire works?'' Max's voice rung out and I immediately dove behind the sofa.

Oh good heavens! Kai was around. I hadn't spoken to him since that Bryan-incident. He had arrived in the afternoon, and we hadn't shared a single word. He had been staring at me in a funny and eerie way though. I don't really know what he was thinking, but oh boy would I like to know! I don't know if he was disgusted, pissed, jealous or just intrigued. Could Kai even be intrigued? Oh, I guess everything is possible.

''Hey, dudes, wait up!'' Tyson shouted as he looked up from his cake.

Daichi kept eating like it was his golden chance to actually win for once.

''No way are you coming with us, Tyson!'' Hillary snarled and slammed the door after her with a loud bang.

''Hey! No fair!''

''Shut up and eat!''

''Shut up Daichi!''

And here started the biggest cake-throwing war I had ever endured. Man, was I glad I was hiding behind a couch.

I peeked around the corner and saw that if I crawled very fast I could sneak out to the balcony.  
Initiating escape plan Number two hundred and seventy seven, go, go, go!

I crawled for all I was worth, graciously ducking for every piece of cake that flew towards me. With very sore knees and very out of breath, I had reached the balcony and slammed the door shut behind me. With a relieved sigh I stood up, staring through the window. They were now trying to kill each other with couch pillows.

I leaned against the railing, peeking down I watched as Hillary was trying to wrestle with the fire works. Kai was standing next to her, looking extremely bored. With what looked as a sigh, he grabbed the big rocket-like piece of explosives that was nearly tipping Hillary over and with absolutely no effort at all, he jammed it into the snow.

I swear, that Kai is a true manly man.

Hillary crawled to her feet, dusting off some snow from her dress. She was looking very annoyed, but bravely took on the next piece of fire work. I watched them in silence, trying to figure out the mystery that was Kai Hiwatari.

Through the past month he had at one second been nice to me, the other he had been an ass. Always when he looked at me it was with a mixture of two emotions that I couldn't really decipher. One day he was your lover, the other he was your royal pain in the ass (no pun intended). If someone asked me what kind of relationship we had, I would not be able to answer for all therice in China.

It kind of felt like I was the giving part, and he was the part that didn't receive but whom the gifts were bouncing off of. I guess it was kind of odd for me to still want him, to still long for him. But I guess that's just how it is. When you love someone, they can trample and crush you until there's only shreds of you left, and still you want them because without them you were never any whole to begin with.

But knowing that Kai was the only one who could rescue me, made me kind of sad. I wanted to live my life like I once did. I wanted to enjoy myself and every piece of booty there was in the world. I wanted to travel, Beyblade, hang out with friends, go shopping and eat exclusive and very expensive chocolate. I wanted to be the unbreakable, unstoppable Rei Kon that I was born to be.

Oh I know, saying all this makes me sound so arrogant. But so what? If sounding arrogant makes me happy, then why not?

The thing is, it didn't make me happy. Not any more. Nothing was the same without Kai. The stars lost their shine, the food lost its taste, the chocolate lost its exclusiveness and the world was a very dull, grey and non-enjoyable place. There was nothing to see, because it would only be beautiful if Kai watched it with me.

They say that you've got to know when to give up and move on, when to let go. But there's also times when you fall in love, and you never fall out of it. I don't think you ever really fall out of any love, you just don't notice it as much because you have someone new that means so much more to you. And this time, I think that 'someone new' didn't exist.

So should I move on and keep living my life like Kai had never existed? But how could I? He would always be at the back of my mind, gnawing at my heart and telling me that a big piece of me was missing. A piece so big that nothing would ever be the same again. Oh, Kai, how you have ruined me.

How the hell does people move on from something like this? What do they do when they're so madly in love that they could give anything for that one person, and that one person walks away? Do they walk through life, trying to be happy, but only managing to come half way?

''Kai, for heavens sake! Grab it before i_eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek_!''

Hillary's shrill and surprised voice got interrupted by the sound of her falling face down in the snow. I barely kept myself from sniggering.

Kai moved over to her, helping her up while trying to pry the fire work that had fallen on her, off of her. Somehow I found myself jealous of Hillary.

With a deep sigh I realized, it was time I became a man and patched things up. I had to move on, with or without Kai. I just had to try. And if I would fail well, at least I would have friends to back me up this time.

**X**

''Okay, everyone ready?'' Max said as he took out a lighter.

''Where's the champaaaagne?'' Tyson whined.

''Over there!''

''Where?''

''Hill's got it.''

''What..?! HILL!''

Hillary glared at Tyson.

''Back off, you've already had enough to go around!''

''What the hell is that supposed to mean?!''

Bicker, bicker, bicker. My friend made me feel like I was their parent. Is that normal?

''Hey, Ty, think fast!''

A snowball hit the blue haired man in the face.

''I'll fucking kill you, Sumeragi!''

''Catch me if you can!''

I must congratulate myself. I had only had three glasses of champagne so far and I was still sober. This evening had to end well. Although, watching two blurs of red and blue chase each other around the yard of Max's apartment building was making me feel kind of nauseous.

''Tyson, stop it!''

''Make me, Hill!''

I sighed and lit a cigarette, leaning against a tree. In a minute, a new year would begin. What would that year be like, I wondered? Would it be just like the previous seven ones? Would it be worse or would it be better? What New Years resolutions was I going to make and would I keep them? Well, I guess I would have to find out.

Here we go; Rei Kon's New Year resolutions.

1. Forget Kai Hiwatari.  
2. Grow out my hair.  
3. Move.  
4. Start talking to my friends again.  
5. Learn how to drink properly.

With a wet sound a snowball hit me hard in the face. Thousands of cells in my face screamed at me how much it hurt, and as the cold crystals of ice dripped of me I blinked to see Tyson grin widely.

6. Kill Tyson.

I glared at him, but as his grin grew wider I sighed and realized I couldn't be mad at him.

''Sorry, dude!''

''Ah, don't worry.''

I took a drag of my cigarette, watching the others check if anything needed to be checked. The fire works looked okay, the champagne was poured up, the people were gathered and only seconds remained.  
I dared to cast a small glance at Kai, who to my surprise, was glancing back. How long had he been doing that?

When he caught me looking we stood staring at each other for a while, before he suddenly looked away. I took another drag and to my horror I watched him begin to walk away. I hoped for someone to notice so that I wouldn't have to run after him.

Come on, someone! Just notice that gorgeous tall Russian walking away like a lost puppy. Look at him! Look at those gorgeous legs and abs all hiding underneath his thick winter coat. Look at all that hair, for once not caged inside a fur hat. Oh no, his pale features were beginning to disappear behind the corner of the building! Quick, someone, anyone! Hillary, Max! Look! Look! Are you blind?!

With a sigh I realized, that someone to follow him was going to be me. Oh, dread. This was going to be fun.

Tucking the cigarette into the corner of my mouth, I started my discreet running after him. Man, he could walk fast!  
Panting after half the way, I rounded the corner of the building and stopped as soon as I caught sight of him. He was leaning against the wall, eyes closed, looking extremely blank. Still, I noticed the curve of his mouth. He only did that when he was troubled, so much that he couldn't really hide it.

I hesitated for a while, wondering if I was supposed to walk up to him or not.

''I know you're there.'' He suddenly said, and I choked on my own breath.

I shuddered slightly as his voice washed over my spine, crawling in my veins. Slowly I walked up to him, looking at him for a moment before I too leaned against the wall. A great boom-like noise could be heard from the other side of the building, and the next second a great burst of red sparkling light lit the dark sky. It's glitter of colors fell off the black-blue veil that was the sky, and soon there were only stars to sparkle above us. Then another boom was heard, and rocket after rocket filled the sky. Color after color cracked and sizzled in the sky, red, green and yellow lights lit the color of Kai's face.

I could hear the distant voices of my friends count down the seconds, and I watched with awe as fire work after fire work exploded in the night.

''_Ten!_'' the gangs voices called.

I wondered silently why we weren't at the square, watching that ball-drop thingy the New Yorkers always did on New Years Eve. Instead we stood there, firing off our own fire works in our little solitude. But then again, it was peaceful in a way. I don't think I could have stood a large crowd while feeling so crappy, anyway. I would have panicked and run back here anyway.

''_Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!_''

I looked at Kai, whose crimson eyes sparkled like the stars. He looked so quiet and calm, and yet he looked like something was stirring beneath the surface. I instantly had to fight back the urge to reach out and touch him.

''_Five! Four!_''

My hand started trembling, as if it had gained its own will and slowly started moving towards the Russian.

''_Three!_''

I bit my lip, trying to hold back. But it was too late, I had already grabbed his shoulder and he was looking at me then. I couldn't determine what emotion was dancing in his eyes, all I could care about was his face. His strong and beautiful face and the hunger my heart held, the hunger to take what I had longed for through years, days and months. Through countless seconds and lonely Christmas Eves and New Years Eves. My only wish had been him, and may the Gods strike me if I did not take my last and final chance to make everything right.

''_Two!_''

This could be my last chance, the last time I would ever see him. He would disappear from my life after that eve, after that last second he would be out of my life. I closed my eyes and drew in a sharp breath before looking him straight in the eyes.

''Rei?'' he said in a low voice, not really understanding what I was doing.

''Shut up.''

I trembled one final time, before closing the distance between us and planting a strong, deep kiss on his soft lips.

''_One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!_''

This is it, Rei. This is your moment. This is your one and final last chance.  
Don't screw it up.

''Kai'' I whispered against his lips as his blood red eyes pierced me. ''I love you.''

And right then, he wrapped his strong arms around me with a fierceness I had never experienced and did something so unexpected I had to gasp for breath.  
He kissed me back.


	15. Chapter 14

Hey, dudes! I think this is the second to last chapter. Next one is going to be the last. Coooool. But I do think I will write an epilogue too, though, even if I never understood what the hell they were good for.

And man, I love Brooklyn. He's such a pretty boy.

**By the way,** I intend to write a Rei/Bryan fic later on, since some of the reviewers as well as me fancy this shipping. ;) But then I think I will use Bryan's Japanese name Boris. Because it is prettier. Err.. Just have to make up a plot and a title. The titles are always the hardest ones.

Man I love the Russians. Except Ian, that blonde dude (Spencer?) and Kai. They're annoying.

Kai's so stupid sometimes. Are all men like this? Wow. This fic almost feels like it's about me and a guy I like. Except for the whole Korea-thingy. And I haven't liked him for years and he's not Russian and... okay, shutting up now.

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Fourteen**

**X**

I had been awake for a long while, but still I hadn't opened my eyes. Because I had been good and behaved myself the previous night, (aka; not gotten drunk like a High School kid) I remembered every moment of it.

After Kai had kissed me back, the night had turned out peaceful. Since I'm not in the mood for explaining every last detail of it, I guess I could always offer you guys a flashback;

'_Flashback; The previous night, 00;01 am_

''_Rei, I love you too! __I've always loved you! __Let's have children and buy a house!' Kai said and I was overfilled with joy._

_I cried like all the girls in the movies, kissing Kai like there was no tomorrow.  
And thus, we lived happily ever after.''_

Okay, now I'm just messing with you. Here's what really happened (no really, it is);

'_Our embrace was like falling into a bath of warm honey. He tasted so sweet, and yet so feisty. Like when you mix Vodka with Red Bull; sugary but with that stomach-crushing edge of alcohol._

_It felt like getting high, although I wouldn't really know for sure since I have never even looked at drugs, but I guess that if I ever did it would feel somewhat like that kiss. Only drugs would be so much duller._

_His arms held me like he never wanted to let me go and I buried my face in his chest. With my fingers entwined in his soft hair, I sighed deeply. It was all I had ever dreamed of since that day when the gang parted in the airport all those years ago._

_Everything I had hoped for, longed for, yearned for during all those years, finally came true. And it was so much better than I could ever have imagined it._

_I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing, because I knew it would ruin the moment. Hugging him tighter, trying to hold him as close as I could before the only thing closer would be to swallow him, I felt his breath on my neck. He kissed it gently, easing from a tension I had never realized he'd held._

''_Kai?'' I gasped as he put his hand on my cheek, making me meet his eyes._

_Oh, and how I melted by the look of those eyes. They were piercing me like they always do, but instead of cutting through me they made me melt within. My heart was on fire, burning my skin, heating up a blush on my cheeks. Not even the stars or the fire works in the sky could ever be compared to his crimson stare. That gentle look in his eyes was directed at me and I had to pinch myself to believe it._

''_Rei, please don't __talk. Not tonight.''_

_I frowned, not fully understanding what he meant. __Had I done something wrong? Had I jumped to conclusions and was basically raping him right there? Had that kiss meant nothing like all those other kisses?_

_He must've understood what went on in my mind because he kissed me again, reassuringly._

''_You didn't do anything wrong'' he whispered in my ear, making me shiver. ''Let's just make tonight peaceful. No words that will end up hurting one of us.''_

_He said it like he was referring to me, but I wasn't sure. Kai, I wondered, were you hurting too or did those three glasses of bubbly champagne get to me more than I first thought?_

''_It's not you, Rei. I just…''_

_He didn't say anything more, but I knew then. I understood._

''_Yeah, I want this to be a night to look back on with a smile. __You're right. No talking. __Let's just... let's just enjoy it, shall we?''_

_He nodded then, and to the world he probably looked like his old cold-hearted, expressionless, stoic self, but to me he looked like a great weight had just been lifted off his shoulders._

_I smiled and kissed him again, this time it tasted even better.'_

Okay, so I guess that corny flashback was of no use to you. To sum it all up, we stood there until the fire works died out. Silently we had snuck back into the apartment, the others still standing outside laughing and enjoying the night, and slid down onto the couch. After a great long time of kissing, I guess we had just fallen asleep.

This was the main reason I was still pretending to be asleep when I woke up in the morning. I could feel his heartbeat under the sweater which smelled just like him. Sniffing it discreetly, enjoying the warmth of our bodies and his arms around me, I felt safe. All the anxiety, the depression and negativity that had built up inside of me in our time apart, disappeared as if it had never existed at all.

I wanted to remember this moment for the rest of my life.

But I knew, and had known the whole night, that when I opened my eyes this wouldn't last. I had seen it in his eyes as I snuggled into his side, that this wasn't how it was going to end. I tried to push the dread into the back of my mind, wanting the moment to last forever. But forever was never meant for mortals and eventually, I opened my eyes, gazing out at the room.

Bright sunbeams were streaming through the blinds, making me blink a few times before I got adjusted to them being there. I listened for any sounds, but all I heard was Tyson snoring behind his bedroom door. By silence and brightness of the sun rays, I figured it had to be early in the morning.

Slowly and hesitatingly, I looked up only to find Kai looking back at me. He looked tired but calm, still I noticed how the corner of his mouth was strained. Kai, I sighed mentally, what are you thinking?

''How long have you been awake?'' I yawned, stretching my limbs.

''Probably about as long as you.''

Damn. He noticed everything!

''Oh.'' I said and blushed. ''You noticed that?''

He nodded and even though he didn't smile, his eyes did somewhere behind that façade of his.  
Kai, don't you know you don't have to hide from me?

''Your breathing needs work if you're going to try to pull that stunt in the future.''

I snorted and hit him loosely on the shoulder.

''Grumpy, are we?''

''Shut up.'' I laughed, my voice hoarse from sleep.

He ran his fingers through my hair and I leaned into the touch. Nuzzling into the comfort of his neck, I started nibbling it, as the innocent creature I am. Since Kai didn't seem to mind, I started working on giving him love bites.  
I must say, I was fairly proud of my work, leaving his neck looking like it had been in a vicious fight.

Kai raised his eyebrows at me, and I smiled back.

''You should smile more often'' he said then, his eyes trailing off to look at something around my neck.

''Oh, really?''

''It suits you.''

I blushed then. I wonder what Kai's secret is? I mean, he can make me feel like a little girl just by looking at me. I can have a shitty day and all he has to do is say 'hn' and I'll be as good as new. Seeing him enter a room can fill me with so much energy I just want to burst out singing, and feeling his hand brushing my neck that moment almost made me fall apart.

''So you kept it'' he said, and at first I wasn't sure of what he meant, but then I felt something pulling at my neck.

It was the tiger-necklace he had gotten me. I had almost forgotten it, but there it was, lying in his hand like a treasure. He looked at it for a long moment, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking since his eyes gave no clues. Then he let go of the necklace and instead his hand slid down to massage my neck.  
I swear, if I could purr that's just what I would have been doing then. I would have purred like a motor, baby!

Okay, okay, I'll shut up.

''You kept it…'' he almost sounded surprised.

I raised my eyebrows at him, not sure if he thought that was a good thing.

''Well… yeah. Why wouldn't I?''

''Well, basically you told me to fuck off the night I gave it to you.''

In a second I felt ashamed. I felt both bad and proud about that comment, because he had deserved it but still I regretted ever saying anything bad to him. Feeling like I could just crawl off the earth and die, I snuggled into his side again. He snorted amused, stroking my arm he leaned his head against mine.

''I'm glad you kept it, Rei.''

I smiled, but it soon faltered as I recognized that tone in his words. It was hard to detect as first, but soon I realized that one little shard of… what was it? Pain? Well, something different than calmness, at least, had snuck into his words. I sighed, closing my eyes because I knew that I was about to ask something I'd rather left unsaid.

''This isn't going to last, is it?''

He was silent for a while, and every second of his silence I felt my chest tighten in fear. This was not fair. This could not be happening to me! I had him in arms reach, but still I knew he was too far away for me to keep him. Kai wasn't mine, he never was and I doubted he ever would be.

We were living on borrowed time, time paid for by my own wasted life.

''No.'' he finally said and my breath caught in my throat.

I didn't want to show him weakness, not this time. I had cried and screamed and thrown up and bled in front of him so many times already. I had to be strong for once, no matter how hard it was. This was not a time to run and hide.

It was time for me to take that spine of mine and use it.

''When…'' the words stuck on my tongue like bad food that you could neither swallow nor spit out. ''When the others wake up and we get up from this couch… You and me… we'll… Oh god.''

I hugged him tighter, wishing for the others to sleep for a hundred years more. It wouldn't take long before at least one of them got up, and when that person did so my moment of peace would be gone.

When we stood up from that couch and parted, if only with a centimeter, that would be it.

''Just…'' I was whispering by then, my voice threatening to crack if I raised it only one tiny bit. ''Before you go, Kai, will you tell me one thing? I mean, really answer me this time. I've… I've been wondering for so long.''

I felt the movements of him nodding, and let out a shaky breath.

''Just tell me why?''

''Because we could never work.''

I sat up half way, staring at him with a mixture of hurt, anger and longing. I wanted so badly to push him away, throw him onto the floor and just leave him there. I wanted to walk out and forget about him, but I knew my life would be meaningless if I did. I couldn't let him go, not so soon after I had gotten him!  
It was sort of like wanting to keep a library book.

''Are you saying that because it's true or because you wish it was?''

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked tired, like he knew this was coming.

''Don't give me that look, Kai! Yeah, call me girly or a pussy or whatever the hell you want, but that's the way I am! Stop fucking toying with me, because I'm sick of it! Just give me an answer that I can live on. Don't you fucking walk out on me, leaving me with nothing but more questions!''

I had to restrain myself to keep from shouting. But it was so hard, it felt like fighting against restraints of barbed wire. The more I fought, the deeper they cut, but if I didn't fight I would be trapped. Choked and alone, defeated.

But I would always be the sore loser in our game, wouldn't I?

I sighed and sat up fully, hiding my face in my hands.

''I can't ever win with you, can I?'' I said and I felt so fragile.

Slowly Kai sat up, keeping the small distance between us. I don't know if he was afraid to touch me, or if he simply didn't want to. I never seemed to know with him.

''Rei, it's not... easy.''

''Well, good morning to you too! Don't you fucking tell me it's not easy! I've had to live with this for eight years!''

As soon as I had said it, I regretted it. He never knew how long or how much I loved him, he never even had a clue. But it was too late to take it back. I would just have to ride the wave.

He sat in silence, and I could feel him staring at me. Not daring to meet his stare, I kept my face hidden.

''Eight what?'' he sounded unsure, as if he wasn't sure he had heard right.

''Eight years, Kai! Eight god damn years I have wasted on missing you!''

''You've… liked me for eight years?''

''Not fucking liked, you idiot. Loved! I've loved you since… God it's been more than that. I've loved you since we were little kids! And I thought… I knew… I tried to run away from it, I tried to hide but you just kept haunting me! Every window, every star, every god damn pebble on every god damn road! It all reminded me… I…'' I drew in a sharp breath that hurt in my lungs. ''I couldn't run away from you.''

''So that's why you moved to Korea.''

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Maybe he had reflected, wondered over my sudden disappearance before but never understood why. I guess he knew now. He finally got the message.

But it was much too late. Always too god damn late, isn't it?

''Just…'' I couldn't keep on talking, I had nothing more to say.

I had already talked enough, now it was his turn. He owed me answers and I would keep silent until I had gotten them.

Suddenly, he moved closer, putting his arm around me. I didn't flinch, I leaned into his touch, wanting to feel him one last time.

''Rei… We're too different.''

''Oh, like I'm Chinese and you're Russian or what?''

''You know that's not it.''

''No, I don't fucking know!''

He sighed into my hair, burying his face in it. I tried to stop myself from trembling but failed miserably.

''I'll only end up hurting you.''

I laughed shortly and bitterly then and turned to look him in the eyes. As usual, they gave nothing away.

''Kai, you fool… don't you see that's what you've been doing all this time?''

His mouth formed a thin, sharp line. Suddenly he looked paler.  
His hand ran through my hair, hesitantly like the touch burned him.

''If I've done this to you just by being absent, then think about what I would do by being present.''

''That's bullshit.''

He shook his head softly.

''Trust me on this, it's better this way.''

I was just about to answer him, when a door opened and someone yawned loudly. Turning around I saw Hillary dressed in her pink night gown, stretching her arms high above her head with a sleepy look on her face. As she blinked her eyes open, she just had to cast one glance at us to escape out to the kitchen.

When Kai stood up I felt my whole world collapse like it had been built on toothpicks. As he left the room, he gave me one final look before disappearing into the kitchen as well.

I let out another harsh breath, but it felt more like coughing up broken glass. Suddenly it felt so much colder without him sitting next to me and the silence that was left after his breaths was killing me. Burying my face into the couch pillows, trying to disappear between the cushions, I tried my hardest not to break down right there.

So this was it? My life had finally felt right just for it to be ripped out of my hands? All my efforts, all my longings and wondering and fighting, it hadn't meant squat? I had dragged that lump of lead up the mountain and gotten nothing to show for it?

I felt like I had been to Kai City and all I'd gotten was a lousy t-shirt.

''Rei! Come on, eat your breakfast, we have a flight to catch!'' Hill's voice cut through the silence harsh and morning-sour, leaving me stricken by apathy.

The flight would leave today? This was it? It was so soon after the show had begun and they were already going to pull the curtains down? Who did they think I was? Marilyn Monroe?

Well, I sure didn't feel as glamorous.

''On my way, Hill'' I called out dully, leaving the room with a sigh.

**X**

Ah, the airport. Such a familiar place. For my age, I had been to a lot more airports than most people. I had seen more countries, met more people, experienced new cultures and gone through more greetings than for example, the woman who was standing next to me wildly rummaging through her luggage after what I guess was her passport.

But also, I had endured more goodbyes. And you know how they say that they hate goodbyes in movies? Well, I was sort of understanding that right that morning. Standing there in the airport with a suitcase in one hand, hiding behind a pillar and drinking disgusting take-away coffee, I came to the realization that goodbyes were pure torture.

You didn't have to be a silly actress who had changed faces more often than I had changed underwear, to be close to falling apart just because you were going to step on a plane no one of your friends would.

Max was going to stay in New York, Hillary was going on some business trip in Milan. Tyson, Kenny and Daichi were all going home to Japan, I was going back to Korea and Kai… well, it was good old Russia for his part.

The main reason I was hiding from the gang was Kai, but the other reason was that the other two Russians were coming with him. Now I have no idea what they were doing in New York in the first place and I did not dare to ask, but seeing them all take off together was nothing I preferred.

Besides, big Bry was there and I just didn't feel comfortable facing him.

No, I was just going to stand there and close my eyes as soon as the man of my life literally flew out of it. Suddenly, the aero planes didn't seem as cool as they usually did. They just looked as big chunks of metal who were going to toss every one of us around the world like a pair of dices.

Sure, Max said we were all going to get together again soon. He had said something about Easter and all, but that wasn't the point. The point was that it had been such a long time, and now a few months would feel agonizing. It was sort of as quitting an addiction cold turkey, right after you had gotten taste for it.

And Kai, for heavens sake! Kai was just going to be miles and miles and miles away from me. Sure, Russia was partially lying in Asia so we wouldn't be that far apart, I guess. But still. Even if you never meet someone a distance can be hell.

How was I going to survive, you may wonder? Well, I seriously had no idea.

Sighing deeply, cursing the airport for not allowing smoking inside I tossed my now empty coffee mug in a trash bin, glaring at the floor. I had been standing there for a good half hour, my flight wasn't leaving for about two hours and if I only could stay there long enough, undetected, Kai would be gone and I wouldn't have to worry about it.

If I would have to see them go, I would not be able to hold myself together. I would cry my eyes out like that blonde chick in that movie I saw sometime when I was a kid.

''Heeey, Rei! There you are!''

Oh hi Tyson, always in the wrong place at the wrong time. How nice to see you! Are you here to ruin my life? Well, sure, go ahead! It's not like I have a say in anything.

''Uh... hi, Ty.''

He raised one eyebrow as he grinned wonderingly at me. He seemed confused, as if he didn't know what to think of me at that moment. I made it easy for him and sighed depressed.

He gave me a look of reassurance, for what I don't know, and patted me on the back. Putting his arm around my shoulders he started walking me back to the others.  
It sort of made me feel like a mental patient being led back to his room.

''Sad to see me go, huh?'' he joked and it wouldn't be possible to miss his wink even if someone gauged your eyes out.

''Devastated.'' I said tonelessly.

How fun. I had turned into an emo-robot. Wrap me up and take me home to your kids!

''Hey, come on buddy! Sure, it'll be until April but we'll see each other soon! Before you know it time will have passed.''

I smiled wryly, not daring a real smile in case my face would crack.

How did Tyson do it? How did he take everything with such bravery all the time? What was his little secret?

''Ah, I'll be alright.'' I said and swallowed another sigh.

''Good to hear that, dude!''

We had arrived in the middle of the group by then, Max talking to Kenny about Beyblade and Hillary hitting Daichi in the head with _Cosmopolitan_. It almost felt like we had jumped back in time.

Jo was away on business with Sammy, and it sort of made me feel disappointed. I was sure I would miss them both, because they were that kind of people and it would have been nice to see them one more time before I left.

''_Attention all travelers; Flight 3018 New York – Moscow will be leaving in twenty minutes. I repeat; Flight 3018 New York – Moscow will be leaving in twenty minutes. All passengers go to aisle 7. Thank you and have a nice trip._'' A bored voice called out in the speakers, making my heart flip.

That was Kai's flight. That was his journey out of here! And what was worse, it was only twenty minutes left. Oh, aisle seven. Wasn't seven supposed to be a lucky number? If it was, then how come it would take him away from me?  
How come I couldn't do anything about it?

''Well, I guess that's you Kai!''

No, Max you ignorant fool! It's not his flight! Don't let him step on it, don't do this to me! Stop him, somebody!  
Kai nodded in answer to the blonde who smiled brightly. How could he not be devastated that the Russian was leaving?! What was wrong with people?!

I was freaking out. Not good, not good. Stay calm Rei, stay calm and everything will be...

No it wont! Nothing will be alright! Everything is ruined! Do you hear me, Rei? Ruined!

...  
Great. I was talking to myself.

''You want us to follow and wave you off?'' Hillary said and for once I was mentally cheering for her.

Go, go, go Hillary! You can do it! You can make him stay! Work that manipulative, evil, feminine magic of yours!

''I can handle myself.'' Kai answered and immediately I went cold.

Hillary sighed.

''Well, bye then, Kai. I guess we'll see ya!''

The others cheered into the goodbye, except for me. I only managed a half hearted shrug, and with an 'hn' Kai and Tala started walking away.

Screaming mentally I tried my hardest to look away, but my stare was as nailed to his back. Slowly he disappeared in the crowd and when I could no longer see that hideous fur hat of his, I felt like fainting.  
But I didn't have any time to do that though, because I realized that Bryan was still standing with us.

I barely dared to cast a sideway glance at him, as did the others. Raising his eyebrows curiously, Tyson scratched the back of his head, looking uncomfortable.

''Uh… Bryan? Aren't you going with them?'' he said, but the lavender man just ignored him and started, to my horror, to walk towards me instead.

I tried my hardest not to run away for my dear life, and stubbornly stood frozen on the spot. I don't know what I feared most; that he would kill me or snog me?  
The hateful stare in his eyes gave away nothing since he always looked like that, and his line-like mouth didn't really help either.

You'd think that a fluffy jacket would make everyone look silly, but not Bryan. No, he wore that fluffy thing like it was something cool and kick-ass, as well as his leather gloves and heavy, black boots. Coming at me in a speed I wouldn't have minded if it was to slow down, I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

As he stood in front of me the others stared with awe and morbid fascination, like they were watching a lion eat a zebra in live action. It didn't really make me feel comfortable, but I didn't dare speak to tell them to go away.

I just stared into Bryan's eyes and wondered; What now?

''Rei.'' He said with his stone-like voice.

''Bryan…''I said a little more unsure of myself.

He didn't let go of me with his eyes, but I think I actually saw a sweat drop on his fore head. It could have been my imagination, of course, but one can never be too sure.  
Can evil reincarnated actually sweat?

Oh, I guess we all would sweat inside that jacket.

''I...'' he said, fell silent for a second before speaking again. ''Я пропущу вас.''

I stared at him, allowing a frown to show. Now I don't know any Russian so I bet he said something scary.

''Uh… o…kay?'' I said carefully not to upset him.

But he only nodded then started walking in the same direction as his two friends had just done.  
I stared after him a good long while after he too had disappeared in the big crowd, silently wondering what had just happened.

The gang stared at me, equally confused. Some of them looked like they had thought he was going to kill me and now wondered why he hadn't, while the rest just tried to figure out if that had been Bryan talking or some twin of him that we had never heard of.

''Well…'' Tyson said, breaking the silence. ''That was... odd.''

**X**

As my flight left the airport a feeling of dread had washed over me like a shock wave. Leaving New York so suddenly felt like forgetting something important. Like I had left one part of myself back there, another part had gone with Flight 3018 and that the third one was just hiding.

I was feeling strangely numb on the flight, not really paying attention to the snoring man beside me or the clouds outside the window. The movie playing did not catch my interest even though I had wanted to see it for a long time and when I fell asleep I didn't even notice I had been tired.

But after all, the worst part wasn't leaving New York. Nor was it seeing Kai go. The worst part was arriving at Seoul's airport, luggage ready and free to go.

It felt so strange to be back again. The neighbor hoods seemed unfamiliar even though I had stared at them for years. The people looked like strangers, even though I had walked past them on the street a hundred times before. The stars even looked weird, even though I had gazed at them every night since I moved.

When I had finally arrived at my godforsaken apartment I slid down the door with a sigh. The corners seemed to be so much smaller, the walls felt like they were closing in on me. And even though the moon shone brightly through my kitchen window the darkness seemed choking, almost as if it had grown into the wallpaper.

Dragging myself up I opened the balcony door, ready and in great need of a cigarette.

But as luck would have it, before I could step outside my phone rang. Its painful, remorseful tone bounced around the room several times before I decided to finally pick it up.

I was silent for a second, considering what name I should answer with. I mean, I did have one in Korea which I had used for a long time, but I wasn't unknown anymore. My friends knew I was alive, they had seen me breathe and heard my real name and I had left my number, though reluctantly, but still.  
If your past tries to catch up with you, you shouldn't run away from it, my dad always used to say.

And now my past might be calling me on the phone.

''Rei Kon'' I said in a dull voice, waiting in slight excitement.

''_Hey, Rei, it's Lee._'' I heard Lee's voice through the phone and immediately I let out a breath that it felt like I had been holding for days.

''Hey, Lee! What's up?''

''_Hey, are you back in Korea now?_''

''Yeah, I just arrived. Why?''

Since my telephone was wireless too, I silently stepped outside and tried to lit my cigarette with as much discretion as possible. Quietly and carefully taking a drag, not wanting Lee to hear it through the phone, I heard him yawn.

''_Well, you know… Uh…do you like it there?_''

I frowned. What was he playing at now? I was too tired for mind games. I just wanted to sleep!

''Uh… well…'' time to be honest for once, I thought and stared at the houses below. ''Not really.''

Lee drew in a breath like he was bracing himself for something.

''_Then why don't you move home?'_'

I blinked. Home? Home as in China? As in my village? Was Lee asking me to move back to them?  
Why, if that was the case, was he doing it now and not earlier? Couldn't he had found my number three years ago and told me this?

But then again, I guess I would have declined. This time though, it really didn't feel like a bad idea. I mean, I had already been alone for such a long time, and I was feeling like I was ready to see my friends again. So why not?

What did I have to lose, anyway?

''You know Lee, I think that sounds like a really good idea.''


	16. Chapter 15

Ooooh, LAST CHAPTER! Oh my gooood!  
What do I have to say? Nothing! Mwoahahahah!

I hope this was satisfactory, dudes. And don't forget the EPILOGUE! (Soon arriving at a fanfictions website close to you.)

Cheers!

* * *

**Something To Believe In**

**Fifteen**

**X**

You've never smelled the air unless you've smelled it in China's countryside. I mean, away from the big city where the pollution is unbelievable. Where the trees are green, the sky is clear, the rivers are running and the atmosphere is calm.

Now, if you can imagine a place like that I bet you've got yourself a pretty good image of what my village is like.

It's a wonderful place, full of nature and an old-fashioned style of living, nice people and the bluest sky you have ever seen. Sure, it got boring and small after a while, but besides that it was about the best place to grow up in. Everyone knew each other, so gossip traveled fast. Which I guess, was the main thing I hated about it. But you can't really hate White Tiger Village or… whatever it's called.

It's too sweet, to put it frankly.

I had been living there for six months already and still I wasn't bored of it. There were so many places to re-discover, remember from my childhood and even some corners that I hadn't even explored yet.  
I guess I don't have to tell you that I and Lee had a great time hanging out together.

Lee was a pretty funny guy. He had gotten a job at some car company, the last place I ever thought I'd see my black haired friend. I mean, Lee, bunkered up in a boring office all day? Wearing a shirt? Answering the phone, traveling to the city every day?  
I don't know how he put up with it. But he said it was alright, as long as it paid the food.

I had sold my apartment as soon as possible, packed my stuff and moved. Within a month I had gotten out of Korea for what I hoped was forever.  
Cleaning out my apartment hadn't been too fun, on the other hand. (You get amazed by all the crazy stuff you can find in a place sometimes.)

But it was good to be back in a way. Even Gary and Kevin came home to greet me. Mariah was hysterical, and so were the other villagers.  
It felt good that they had missed me, sort of. Although I couldn't help but feel guilty over the fact that I hadn't had any contact with them until then.

And even though the village was my home and I could call it home many times a day, but still I felt something was missing. I spent my days thinking about Kai more than ever, feeling distracted and out of place. Some days I got so depressed I couldn't even get out of bed. That was when Lee dragged me to the back yard to Beyblade with me.

Although he never knew what was wrong, he knew how to cheer me up for a moment. Seeing my mighty bit beast roam the battlefield was as a wave of energy pierced through me, leaving me giddy and slightly less miserable. It felt as if I had not only gotten closer to my childhood friends, but also I had gotten closer to Driger.I never went anywhere without him after me and Lee's first battle in years, and somehow it made me feel more safe.

I guess forgetting Kai and moving on was not going to get any easier, so I started asking Mariah out some nights in the week just to keep my mind astray. Maybe if I gazed into her pink eyes long enough and got used to seeing her round face, kindness and stubbornness glowing in her voice, I would forget him. Maybe I could replace the memories of crimson, blue and cold with her.

Yeah, I know it was cruel, but it was all I had to live by. Without something I would decay. Maybe Mariah knew that I never really loved her, but she never said a word about it. She just kissed me softly, snuggled into my arm and pretended everything was perfect.

And I guess we played our act so well we even fooled ourselves.

**X**

The morning was fresh and new, sunbeams were peeking through the thin curtains. I buried my face into my pillow which smelled oddly much like perfume. Slowly opening my eyes, hissing when the sunlight stung them, I noticed I wasn't nuzzling into my pillow at all.

As usually, my pillow as well as my blanket had been stolen by the bed's second occupant. I watched Mariah's back sink and rise as her snores filled the room, silently trying to wake myself up.  
She was always like that, stealing my pillow and what not in her sleep. Good for me that China was warm then.

I sat up with great care, not wanting to wake her up, and yawned soundlessly. Stretching every limb that could be stretched, I started looking around for a pair of slippers.  
As on key, I spotted something red under a chair. With every part of my body aching, still sore from sleep, I got up quiet as a cat and put the slippers on before I sneaked out of the room.

Out of the room I allowed myself another yawn, loud and wide and not as graceful as you might have imagined. Scratching my thigh I moved to the kitchen in a zombie-like state.  
The room was, as I had expected, spotless. For some reason the pink woman in the bedroom felt like she had to take care of me more than she really had to. She always took care of everything in the household, no matter how much I argued with her.

As I turned on the coffeemaker and prepared for brewing new amounts of the liquid, I felt very old. In the village the days never seemed to go that slow. It was odd in a way because I was used to time as being something very persistent. I was used to counting the hours and minutes, but back there the days just seemed to fly past you every time you blinked.

The coffeemaker muttered and bubbled at me and I studied it the whole time. Not thinking about Kai had been hard, and I wasn't even close to succeeding. Just two days back I had suffered a severe mental breakdown and I hadn't left my room for forty eight hours. It happened every once in a while, I guess it was a result of me blocking emotions and memories out.

If I was going to move on I couldn't dwell on the past and since I didn't seem to be able to forget it, I ignored it instead. Lee had told me many times what a dangerous game I was playing, but there was just no other option that I could bother with.

My time in China had stretched to nearly ten months and something about the autumn felt familiar. Staring into nothingness, I tried to remember what was so special with October. I guessed it was nothing important and instead I noticed that the coffee was done.

Pouring up a cup to myself I dragged myself outside to have a cigarette.

Oh, how the guys freaked out when they got to know! They were screaming and yelling at me for days, then they ignored me for days, tried to talk sense back into me for another couple of days before just silently and grumpily accepting it.  
Still, it had been nothing compared to how the elders had reacted when they noticed I had cut my hair. I'd take Hillary's tantrums over that anytime!

Speaking of hair, mine had grown quite a bit. It wasn't nearly as long as before, but at least I could keep it in a ponytail. When Mariah asked me where I had gotten the black scarf which I used to bind my hair with, I never told her it was from Kai. Neither did I tell her he had gotten me the necklace, which I still wore. I couldn't even look at it, but still I refused to take it off. Instead I played with it, turning it between my fingers, every time I felt at my worst.

In April the old Bladebreaker-gang was supposed to get together and meet, and I was intending to go at first. Then I got reminded of that Kai was possibly going to be there, and I just broke down. It was as close to him as I had gotten in months and it hurt so bad knowing how far away he was. That time I didn't get out of bed for weeks.

Sometimes I really wonder how Mariah put up with me for so long. How she tucked me in and tried to feed me soup, how she tolerated that I wanted to be alone during the breakdowns and that when she actually got to crawl down beside me, I barely even noticed her.

It must have been like living with a ghost.

But it wasn't all bad, I guess. I had started Beyblading again, taken up martial arts and even cooking. I smiled more often and I talked to my friends on the phone at least a few times a week, so at least I had improved a little.  
But was a little nearly enough? Well, I guess it at least had to amount to _some_thing.

Scratching my chin I realized that I had to shave off that stubble of mine, since Mariah complained about how it stung her when we kissed. She was actually a good kisser, but it still wasn't the same. When Kai kissed, (heck, even when Bryan kissed) he did so with emotion, passion and lust. It was hidden feelings that only showed at those moments. Mariah on the other hand, kissed like a shy but hungry girl. It was like she was trying to eat me and give me space at the same time.

But I never complained. After all, we were a happy household. Or at least we pretended to be.

**X**

''Hey, Rei!'' Lee's voice called out as he came running down the road.

I looked up from my book with raised eyebrows. It wasn't often that you saw Lee running like that nowadays. He was supposed to be the calm one who only rushed when he was angry. Now, he did have a very short temper but at least he was nice the rest of the time. But this time, he didn't look angry. He looked more… surprised.

This had to be something good.

''Hey, what's up with Lee?'' Mariah said as she peaked over my shoulder, hugging my waist.

I shrugged.

''I guess we'll have to find out.'' I said, and as Lee came closer I really started to get curious.

He stopped in front of us, breathing heavily. Sweat ran down his forehead and it took him a minute to pull himself together again. Looking up at us, straightening his back, his eyes bore a look of seriousness in them. More than usual, that is.

''Did you run the whole way? When I told you that you needed to lose weight, I was only kidding you know!'' Mariah said with large eyes.

''You guys will never believe this!''

''Believe what?''

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him, and in turn she grabbed my hand. Fast like the wind we ran up the hill, Lee looking like a frantic deer. I couldn't really tell if he was angry or just surprised. Maybe it was a little of both and my stomach immediately churned in worry.

When I woke up I had thought that my biggest worry was going to be New Years Eve, which happened to be that exact same day. December had been a rough month altogether for Mariah, because it was impossible for me to function with all the memories that came flooding back. But I had decided to pull myself together for at least this day and had decided to go outside, wander around the village, just to see if it would help ease my mood.

It had worked slightly and the book I had brought with me had really gotten my mind distracted. Mariah had been happy that I even walked around during the day and hadn't complained even once since we woke up. And if she had, I had failed to notice.

She had talked on endlessly about fire works, dinner and some party they were thinking of throwing together later in the evening, but I hadn't paid much attention. I guess she was just happy that I even noticed her being there. I had been very distant in my mind that month, and I guess it had been hard for both of us.

But now Lee's distress unnerved me once more and I couldn't help but feeling anxious.

''Lee?'' I said, trying to sound calm. ''What's going on?''

I noticed then, catching a glimpse of my surroundings, that he was leading us to the big field. It was a large field which the younger ones in the village usually played in, and sometimes me and Mariah would go out there to watch the sunset. It was also where all the fire works were going to be shot off, so it puzzled me why my old friend was leading us there.

As soon as we had gotten there though, I realized why.

In the middle of the field stood a blue helicopter, glistening blue in the cold winter sun, seeming empty. It looked like a private helicopter, which was odd because not many people knew where the village was. And if they did they never bothered showing up.

''Who's that?'' Mariah said, pointing at the vehicle.

''I don't know!'' Lee said, out of breath again.

I raised one eyebrow, finding the propeller-dressed thing to be very out of place.

''Maybe it's one of your associates or something?'' I said, but the black haired man only shook his head.

''They would never bother coming down here, especially not during the holidays! And that name there, on the door…'' he pointed and I had to squint to notice the letters. ''… that's in Russian. I don't work with any Russians.''

Immediately my heart sank like lead. As if a blizzard had blown up in my head, I started to feel as cold as the snow under my feet.  
The others gave me weird looks and Mariah squeezed my hand worriedly.

''Rei? Is something wrong?''

I only stared at the helicopter, wishing it wasn't there. But no matter how much I blinked or how hard I closed my eyes, it wouldn't disappear.

''Rei?'' I didn't even recognize whose voice it was now. ''Rei, you're... sweating. Are you alright?''

I stared for another minute, before looking down at my shoes.

''It's…'' I whispered, feeling drained. ''I want to go back home.''

Mariah nodded and kissed my cheek.

''Okay.''

**X**

The walk back to mine and Mariah's house was extremely quiet, tense and not to mention awkward. I could feel them both staring at me during the whole time, silently asking me what was wrong. But I didn't even look at them because all I could think of was that I still had Kai's sweater from the night we had slept together.  
The really eerie thing was that it still smelled just like him and Mariah had washed it a hundred times since I arrived.

Was the smell really there or was it just my imagination? Was I going insane or what?

I let out a sigh of relief as I saw the little roof of our house further down the road. It was a pretty small house, looking as all the others in the village, cosy and neatly decorated with both mine and Mariah's stuff. It always seemed to smell of flowers too, since Mariah spent a lot of time in the garden around the yard. I can't say I disliked the house, but it just didn't feel any special. It was like an unusually homey hotel room.

To calm my nerves I picked up and lit a cigarette, immediately getting murdering glances from my friends. But I only ignored them and took the longest drag I could, but when I was about to exhale it stuck in my throat from shock. Coughing violently, I hit myself in the chest, sweating even more.

''Rei, are you… alright?'' Mariah asked and since I got no words out, I pointed with eyes watering from the lack of oxygen towards our house.

There, on the small stairs in front of the front door, sat Kai.

Lee raised his eyebrows in surprise while Mariah just frowned. Clearly they had expected as much as me to see him sitting there, dressed in jeans and a thick coat, looking as out of place as the helicopter had done. I guess China's December wasn't quite different in comparison to Russia's, but still he looked unfamiliar.

''What's _he_ doing here?''

Mariah sounded as clueless as Lee looked, and the shorter man shrugged.

''I don't know… We should ask him.''

I shook my head and raised a hand to stop them, and I didn't even look at them as I started walking towards Kai.

''No'' I said. ''You two stay out of it. This is between him and me.''

As I took another drag of my cigarette, I noticed that the closer I got to the house the more I trembled. It was as if all the emotions I had bottled up through the past year were finally surfacing and as I tried to push them back my mouth got abnormally dry. I had to play it cool this time, it was not an opportunity for me to go totally bananas.

When I was standing only a meter away, Kai looked up. It was like being hit by a sledge hammer, because he didn't look any different from the last time I saw him. He was still his old cold but beautiful self, and still he made my legs feel like jelly.

I guess I hadn't gotten over him as good as I had wanted to fool myself.

When he noticed who I was, he immediately stood up, for a second his mask faltered slightly. When he had regained his expressionless exterior again, we stood staring at each other for what felt like eternities. I didn't know if I should speak first or wait for him to do it, because all I could think about was that he was actually there. He wasn't a figure of my imagination as he had been all those time I thought I had seen him in the corner of my eyes. This time it wasn't some hallucination brought on by stress, this time it was real.  
Kai was real and he was standing right in front of me, taking a step closer.

He opened his mouth slightly, and then his eyes fell a little. I stared at him, not really understanding what had caught his attention.

''You're wearing my sweater.'' He said then, and immediately I felt my face go red with a wild blush.

Crap. I had forgotten about that for a second.  
I took another drag of the cigarette, exhaling heavily.

''What are you doing here?''

It came out so blunt and tactless that I had a hard time believing I had actually said it, but it needed to be said. He was standing there, outside my house in my home and for that only he owed me an explanation.  
I was not going to back out of this one.

''I came to see you.''

''Oh, really now? And why is that?''

He crossed his arms and leaned on one of his legs, looking at me through that unruly hair. I just kept the cigarettes coming one after another because they were the only thing between me and a nervous breakdown. I did not want to shout at him, but neither did I want to keep quiet.

''You didn't come to the Easter gathering.''

''Oh, so you noticed?''

The bitterness was just rolling out on my tongue and I couldn't stop it. I didn't even want to.  
Kai sighed.

''Can we go inside?'' he said and his red eyes met mine, and I hated him for that.

It was impossible to resist anything he said when he looked at you like that. The bastard!

''Fine.'' I said and I didn't care enough about Mariah going to be angry to throw my cigarette away.

Walking into the house, I was killing the fresh smell of flowers (I suspected one of them actually was lavender) with the poisonous smell of cigarette smoke. Entering the kitchen, I started to make some coffee just to distract myself as Kai stood to lean against the kitchen table.

We stood silent until the coffee was done a few minutes later and the tension was so thick you could have gone ice skating on it. Growling and sighing at the same time, I pulled some bangs out of my face and cast my visitor a glance.

I held up a cup questioningly and he nodded in answer. Silently I poured up the liquid in two cups, giving one of them to Kai I leaned against the kitchen counter.

I couldn't really decide whether to stare out the window or at his shoulder. I didn't have to dwell on it too long though, because soon he caught my eyes and as usual, when you lost yourself in his pools of dangerous crimson there was no return. You wouldn't be able to tear your eyes off him until he let you.

''We need to talk.'' He said then, and I had to grit my teeth not to shout at him.

''About what?''

''About us.''

I snorted into my cup as I took a sip, still looking at him as I took a new drag of the cigarette.  
He didn't look bothered by the smoke at all. He almost looked like he hadn't even noticed it. But you would have to be pretty stupid not to notice that, so I guess he was just ignoring it.

''What is there to say about us, Kai? You said we couldn't work and then you walked out on me. What, did Tala dump you or something? Did you come all the way here for my sympathy?''

He shook his head, and I loved how his bangs fell in front of his eyes like a waterfall.

''Ooooooooh!'' I said in mock surprise. ''So you dumped him and now you're looking for a shag, is that it?''

''Rei, that's not…''

''Just what the hell do you want?! You love me, you hate me, you love me, you hate me! You made your decision! You walked away from me when I told you that I needed you, that I…'' my voice cracked and I just couldn't go on.

I drew in a shaky breath and hid my face in one hand.

Kai stood silent, watching me as he slowly drank his coffee. I peeked through my fingers, feeling confused. When I saw his throat move as he swallowed the liquid, the anger subsided in an amazing speed and instead there came…butterflies.  
Butterflies in my chest and stomach, reminding me of all the things I saw in him. Reminding me why I loved him, why I still did and why I denied it.

I tried my best to be angry at him, but I couldn't. I didn't dare to scare him away.

''Rei, just let me talk. Let me talk until I have said everything I have to say without any interruptions, and then when I am done I will go if that is what you wish.''

I managed a halfhearted glare at him, but then nodded.

''Rei'' he said then, his voice had lowered slightly. ''I realize I've been… a jerk to you.''

''No kidding?''

He gave me a stern look that told me to keep quiet, and as the nice person I am I obeyed. I knew it had to be hard for him, having to stand there and explain his feelings to someone else. He never said anything else but the point, and growing up in the Abbey had really set its marks on him. I had to give him credit for even standing there in my kitchen, talking to me.

''I've been a complete ass'' he continued. ''and I understand that you're angry. I don't know why you even let me into your house, but I am glad you did because… because I haven't been honest with you, Rei.''

I gave him a wondering look, not really understanding. Nodding for him to go on I took another drag of the cigarette.

''I've… Tala meant nothing to me.''

This came as such a shock that I almost choked on coffee. Had he just said what I thought he had said?  
Staring at him wide eyed, I watched him as he continued talking, not breaking our eye contact one second.

''Tala was just a substitute, something to take my mind off other things. It felt so much easier to be with him than with the one I actually wanted to be with, because Tala and I grew up together. He knew how I was and I would never have to think about his feelings and vice versa. He was the perfect choice because… I could never hurt him.''

''Substitute for what?''

I knew he wanted to snap at me for interrupting, but he restrained himself and put the coffee cup down on the table instead. Then he looked at me with a look of piercing intensity that I had never seen before, and it hit me like a punch in the gut.

''I tried to forget you, Rei. I really tried.''

I blinked at him.

''… what?''

Had I heard right? It felt like I had just been hit by a train. Staring at him, my brain feeling like it was spinning, the world made even less sense than it had done before.

''I thought being with Tala would help me forget you, stop missing you. But… it didn't work. I tried to lie to myself for the three years he and I have been together, but I guess not even he fell for it. And then… then you just showed up. It was odd because…'' he closed his eyes, and when he opened them again it was as if he was trying to tell me everything with just one look. ''I thought I would never see you again.''

Somehow it felt like he was describing my own feelings and my relationship with Mariah. It was as if he had picked my brain apart and was telling me what he had found inside of it. Only, this wasn't my thoughts for once. It was Kai's, and he was opening them up to me.

''How long?'' I said, and he raised an eyebrow. ''How long have you... how... Oh god, Kai! You fucking idiot!''

He kept silent for a minute, during which I kept cursing to myself. Had he been holding it inside for years? Had I failed to realize because he had been hiding it so good? Why had he even done that in the first place?!

He seemed to understand what I was wondering only by looking at me, and he drew his fingers through his hair with a small sigh.

''I'm not used to… feelings like these. When they first came to my knowledge, it felt so… wrong. You were my teammate, my… friend. And I knew I always screwed things up for the team, and I didn't want to do that to you too. So I tried to… deny it, wait for it to go away but it…''

''Had grown into a part of you.''

He looked at me, a bond of understanding wrapping us together.

''Yes, exactly, it wouldn't go away. It just got… worse. And then you disappeared so I figured that Tala could take it all away because… I missed you, Rei. I missed you so much it almost drove me crazy.''

He blinked and as he did I averted my stare to the floor, not daring to look at him any longer. I understood every one of his words because they were almost my own. It didn't sink in at first, the things he said, but as they did I could hardly breathe.

''I… thought things would be better if I denied it.'' He said, and I knew he wanted to add '_I was scared, Rei' _but he didn't, because he wasn't someone who would ever admit to feeling fear.

Although, he didn't have to. I knew anyway, I could read his voice like no one else could.

''Did it get any better?'' my voice came out like mud.

''No.''

''So… you're here now because..?''

''Because I'm tired of running, Rei! And I know you are too! I know that there is no one who could ever take your place, because…''

He was quiet then, and when I looked up he had taken a step closer to me. He was standing right in front of me, only a breath away, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. His breath danced around in my face and I would have fallen right there if I hadn't grabbed his shoulder with a death-like grip.

''No one'' he said and he seemed to come closer by every word. ''No one can ever take your place, Rei.''

Our lips were a millimeter apart and I could feel his warmth radiate towards me. The cigarette had been dropped to the floor and my coffee was standing cold on the counter. The longer I looked into his eyes, the more bewitched I felt.  
My heart raced at an amazing speed, and my brain was trying to puzzle everything together but failed so miserably it was almost funny.

''What… are you saying, Kai?'' I whispered against his lips.

''I'm saying that…'' he breathed heavily then closed his eyes making his eyelashes tickle my skin. ''I love you too.''

And the next thing I knew was his lips against mine, his tongue gaining entrance to my mouth and our moment being sealed with a kiss. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever had.  
He was tender and yet so burning, like a storm of emotions was expressed in one kiss. He leaned against me, pressing me against the counter, wrapping his arms around me.

Right that moment, I didn't care about all the times he had hurt me. Because now I knew why, now I had gotten my explanation.  
He hadn't been a jerk, he had only been doing what I had been doing for years. We had both been running away from each other just to collide in the end.

''Promise me'' I gasped as we broke apart. ''Promise me one thing.''

''What?'' his breath tickled my neck as I drew my fingers through his hair.

It was as smooth as I remembered it.

''Promise me that you won't leave me again. Because if you do… I don't think I'll be able to even try to forget.''

He stroked my neck and back, holding me as close as he could in silence. Kissing me on the cheek he leaned his forehead against mine and I looked into his eyes, seeing a red ocean of chaos.

''Rei, I promise you. I'm not stupid enough to make the mistake of losing you twice.''

I closed my eyes and kissed him again, then rested my head on his shoulder.  
For the first time in a long time, my heart beat calmly and peacefully. For once, I was feeling home.  
And I knew that wherever he went he would take my home with me.

Somewhere I read that the home is where the heart is, and how true it was. It wouldn't matter wherever we went in the big, mad world, because as long as I had him with me all would be forgiven.

''I'm glad you still kept the necklace'' he said then and I chuckled into his shirt.

''I'm glad you're standing in my kitchen.''

I could feel him smile and it made the cold warm up inside of me, and I knew that this time it was to last. This moment would be, it wouldn't get ripped away from me when I least expected it.  
This time, Kai Hiwatari was mine and I was never going to let him go.

''So…'' he broke the comfortable silence suddenly. ''Where are we going from here?''

''Well… I was thinking…''

''Yeees?''

He nudged me in the side and I leaned closer into his embrace. Closing my eyes I was suddenly feeling… not whole, but it was a good start.

''What about the world?'' I said curiously.

The great Kai thought for a moment, breathing in the scent of my hair.

''Well, I do have a private helicopter…''

I laughed warmly and hit him loosely on the shoulder.

''Showoff''

I felt him smirk.

''You like it.'' He said with a spontaneous voice and I was smiling so wide I almost surprised myself.

''No'' I chuckled and kissed his chin. ''I love it.''

He put his hand around my neck and kissed me again, strongly and passionately. The taste of him sent chills down my spine and it was as if a great weight lifted from my chest.

''I love you too, Rei.''

''You've really had a weird way of showing it.''

''I know, and I'm…''

But before he could say that last word I put my finger against his lips, silencing him. He looked at me curiously and I smiled so wide my fangs were bared.

''It doesn't matter now, Kai. You're here now. Sure, it took you long enough but at least… you're finally here.''

I nuzzled into his chest then, wrapping my arms around his waist, holding him close. It was the best feeling in the world, and I knew nothing could harm me or bring me down as long as he was close. And he would always be close, he would always be in my thoughts, my heart and my dreams.

I guess some people are just unforgettable like that.

''Yes, I'm here now'' he said and leaned his chin against my shoulder. ''And I'm not going away this time.''


	17. Epilogue

**Something To Believe In**

**Epilogue**

**X**

So, now I have told you my story of love, longing and friendship. I don't really know why you've been with me till the end, but I hope you didn't get too bored.  
Looking back on those years now, I don't know whether to feel sad or glad that I actually went through all of it.  
I have learned much from it, and it has sort of shaped me to who I am, no matter how corny that may sound.

What I really wanted to say with the story, though, was to never stop believing. Love is not an easy game to play, and when you gamble you do it with your life. It's very much like Russian roulette, only with a lot more bullets. Not every story ends as well as mine, actually most of them stop right in the middle.

And I know it's hard to keep the faith when that special thief of your heart does nothing but ignore you. Maybe they don't even ignore you, maybe they beat you down and kick you while you're lying on the ground. But don't give up, because your time will come. Maybe the one you're chasing is the one, maybe not.  
Just make sure that you have something to hold on to, something to believe in. Don't make the mistakes I did, because they will kill you. It was only a miracle that things turned out the way they did.

I don't want to sound pessimistic, I've had enough of that, but that's the truth.

And precisely how did my story end, you may ask?  
Well…

Mariah and Lee walked in on us in the middle of our moment and they both freaked out, to sugar-coat it.  
Mariah cried her eyes out and I have never felt so guilty in my whole life. Lee yelled at me and threw us out in the snow.

They didn't speak to me for weeks.

But eventually everything calmed down. I decided to move in with Kai, and as days went by life felt simple. We met the guys every once in a while. Sometimes they would come to our place, even though I had to nag at Kai a lot for him to approve with it.

Hillary squealed like a crazy fangirl when I told her about our relationship, and told me that it was all thanks to her. I didn't even bother to argue with her.  
Max smiled and said that he had suspected as much, and he and Jo gave me their best wishes. Later on they actually moved back together, and Sammy seemed really happy about that.

Daichi high-fived me and Kenny congratulated me. It was a moment when I truly felt how glad I was to have friends like them.

And Tyson? Well…  
Tyson just said that; 'Hey, dude, whatever makes you grow your hair back.'

Since mansions never were my big thing though, me and Kai moved into our own little house in Japan. He didn't have that much contact with the Blitzkrieg Psychos… I mean… Tala and Bryan, but that was just fine for me.  
I hope Tala will heal someday too. Hey, maybe he and Mariah could get together? Sort of like a broken-and-used-sloppy-seconds-thing.

Hee hee… I'm cruel sometimes.

Oooh, and I saved my hair out, too! Kai really seems to like it so I guess getting stuck in our furniture is a price I'm willing to pay for his pleasure.  
I guess we both paid a prize by getting together, though. Tala and Bryan wouldn't speak to him and Lee and Mariah wouldn't speak to me.  
But they're all clever people, I guess they'll come around eventually. I'll just have to apologize another thousand times and they'll lighten up.

Right?

Ah, well. Guess I don't have that much more to say. Things went on like normal, Tyson started a new Beyblading team though. I think he said something about calling it ''The Gruesome Grangers'' or something.

I really hope Hill will talk him out of that.

The media went bananas when they found out about mine and Kai's relationship. Two pro-bladers going gay, what a shock! Parents everywhere got horrified and I guess I feel pretty bad for bringing this on their kids, but… hey, all is fair in love and war.

So I guess the lesson I had to teach you (Oh yes, there actually is one!) is that you should never give up.  
Because eventually, if you hang on long enough, things will be alright.

You just got to have a little faith in yourself.

* * *

That's it dudes. It's been a wild ride and I can't thank you enough for all your nice reviews.  
I hope I'll see you again sometime! I've had lots of fun writing this and I hope you had fun reading it. Thanks again and... I hope you learned something.  
Love to all of you.

Oh, and a little shameless commercial for my Ray/Bry-fic. It's going to be called 'Fatal Flaws'. Keeeep yer' eyes open.

Cheerio!


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